Friday, December 19, 2014

Happy today

Today is a good day.  Today I got my first paycheck for my new job.  It's not huge, my field doesn't pay much, but it's a paycheck.

Another reason today is a good day is because I ran yesterday.  Now normally that's not a big deal.  I've been running for all of December, very short distances, and only about 2-3 times a week, but yesterday I ran outside in the dark.  Why is that significant?  Because I have never run in the dark before.  I've always been scared to.  I bought my treadmill 2 years ago this January so I wouldn't have to run in the dark.

I was planning on running on Wednesday after I got home on the treadmill, but then we decided it was time to take Maddox to see Santa, so we did that.

Then Chris and Damian decided they wanted to go out to eat, so we did that.  And we didn't get home till after 8pm and I have been in bed around 8:30pm since I started working.  I had no energy to go run, plus I don't like to run right after eating anyway.  So yesterday I was thinking on my way home that I really, REALLY didn't want to run on the treadmill.  I was thinking about skipping my run again, but I hadn't run since Sunday and since I'm running so few days and so few miles, I couldn't justify not running.  So I started thinking about just running outside.  I have a light green running jacket, and my pants have a reflective strip on them, I thought maybe it wouldn't be too horrible.  I could stick to busier roads, where there's street lights, and take my pepper spray . ..  so I got home and was getting ready.  I told Chris I was going for a run outside, and he asked if I wanted to use his headlamp that he has for his job, and I said yes.  So I had that, plus a light pink hat.  I didn't feel unsafe at any time.  I liked the headlamp a lot, I may have to get me one. I was aiming for around 3 miles and I ran closer to 3.5, but today my feet feel fine, so I'm super happy about that. My poor treadmill might not get much use now. . . and I'm happy about that. ; )

Needless to say, I woke up in a great mood today.  =)

On Sunday I ran outside in my new neighborhood for the first time.  It was only 3 miles but I felt good about it.  I am happy with the way things are going with my feet.  They are not 100%, but they are not getting worse, and I can run, even if it's a little bit.  I am scared to increase my mileage and amount of runs, so I'm not doing that yet.  Probably not till next year (which is only 2 weeks away, by the way).

Tomorrow I am getting my hair done for the first time in 4 months (I'm super happy about that).  And then we are going down to Lynnwood where there's a really nice Christmas store that we go every year to get ornaments.  That has been Damian and my thing since he was small, we get an ornament every year.  I wish I had labeled them with the years, because now I don't remember, but we enjoy it.  I also started doing it with Maddox (and I am labeling the years on his), and Chris and I always get an icicle.  We are up to 17 (we didn't start it when we got married, so we got a bunch the first year we started it, and we also included the years we weren't together, which is strange, but okay).  Chris keeps talking about getting an artificial tree just for our icicles.

And then Sunday is going to be a whirlwind of shopping because we haven't done much since I haven't had a paycheck until today.  Chris's money was going towards living.

Oh, and there were donuts at work today.  I ate one, and that makes me happy.

I am happy with the way things are right now.  We are blessed, and I am thankful.

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Getting back into the swing of thngs

What has been going on here?  The last post was 2 weeks ago . . . So I haven't even talked about Thanksgiving. 

Our Thanksgiving was pretty chill.  Every other year we are at home for Thanksgiving, and that was this year.  We invited a few friends over for dinner, but one of them had to work, so it was a late dinner.  (Well, late for Thanksgiving, but actually an earlier than normal dinner.)  The Seahawks played Thanksgiving day, so we recorded it and put it on after dinner.  Most of our friends are not football fans (I know, how can we be friends with non-football fans??) so they didn't stay for the game.  They stayed for a little bit, but they also all had to work in the morning, so they left fairly early.

I was trying to get a good picture of us all, and I think this one
was the best.  ;-)
Then last Monday I started my job.  I have to tell you, it has been an interesting week and a few days of "training."  I am often left alone for entire days and told to read manuals on orientation stuff and policy stuff.  It has been . . . boring.  I'm hoping that things will pick up soon.  In fact, I didn't even have a permanent computer or phone, or even desk until yesterday.  I find that strange that they told me to start on a certain day and then didn't have everything ready for me when I got here.  Oh well, I am finally in my permanent location now, with a phone and a computer . ..  now if I could only get a key . . . 

The drive to work is about 50 min but the drive home takes an hour or more.  =/  The first day I started, Dec. 1st, there was snow on the ground in Everett, where I am working.  My car was not built for snow, at all.  Luckily, it was a day or 2 old and the streets were cleared, the only issue I had was getting into the driveway at work because it's a pretty steep, but short, uphill to get to the parking lot and it wasn't plowed or salted, or even sanded (which is more common here because we don't have that much snow).  But I survived and didn't have to push myself anywhere.  =)

The best news of the last two weeks?  I am running.  =)  I am only running 2 miles every 3 days, but I am running.  I have only had one outdoor run, and that was the weekend right after Thanksgiving.  (It actually wasn't a very smart move for me because I took Damian and Maddox to a park in Mt. Vernon to play while I ran the boardwalk along the river that used to be part of my long runs.  It was 20 degrees outside, Maddox was so cold when I got done - only 20 min later- that he was crying.  Bad Mom moment.)  I actually decided a few runs ago that I was going to do 20 min on the treadmill no matter what, so that is currently equaling out to 2.17 miles.  I am thinking about increasing the days a week I am running to every other, and keeping the 20 min time limit.  I'm trying to be very cautious and slow with easing myself back because I don't want to continue to hurt.

So far it is going really, really well.  My feet rarely hurt and when they do, I roll them with a lacrosse ball and they go back to being okay.  They are not very tight (the best describing word I can find for how they are) in the morning now, and I continue to wear shoes everywhere, which is better now that it's colder.  I am working on strengthening my hips, although I don't do it as often as I should, and I continue with the exercises the physical therapist gave me for my arches a year ago.  I think about that in the shower because it's the one place I am barefoot, so I do those exercises when I wash my hair and shave.  =)

I am thinking about doing the Nookachamps 5k that I did last January.  I wanted to do a 10K this year, but my feet didn't allow me to do the one I was going to (the Fowl Fun Run that I did 2 years ago) so then I was thinking about doing the Nookachamps 10k, but I'm thinking it might be smarter to stick with the 5k for now and look into a 10k later in the year.  I definitely want to run another half marathon and a full marathon, but both of those will come later in the year.  Maybe I'll try to train for the Tri-Cities Marathon that I was going to do this year, and do the Skagit Flats half again next year.  I want to do all this slowly so that I don't hurt myself again.  This is the second year in a row that I have not run in the fall (and only this year because I didn't let myself heal completely last year).

Oh . . . I told you that not working was bad for my weight.  Since I started working I'm back down to 147 (as of this morning).  I haven't been that low since I lost my job.  =)  Yay me!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

I ran!!

I ran 2 miles!  You heard me . . . or read me . . . right!  I ran 2 miles.  They were slow miles.  They were on the treadmill, but they were running miles.  Something in me yesterday just said I'm going to run.  I've read several other blogs of people that have or are dealing with plantar faciitis, and they all are running, slower, or less mileage, but still running.  I gave myself 2 months, and decided I was going to do it.  I decided to do it on the treadmill because it was a dreary, drippy day (in the Pacific Northwest, the rain is often more "drippy" than rainy) and I would have had to take Maddox in the stroller. 

I honestly felt I could have run forever, but I knew that I have to start slow and careful with my feet.  I smiled the whole time I was running. 

Yes, my treadmill is in the garage.  We haven't had the opportunity to move it to the basement, but it was set up nicely.  I was able to put my computer on the dryer (yes, the dryer outlet is in the garage, but the washer is in the house . . . it's a pain in the neck). 
Afterwards I couldn't stop smiling.

Even in the shower I was smiling.  I kept repeating in my head "I ran 2 miles"  "I ran 2 miles." 
Maybe it was a small thing, but I felt awesome about it.  I felt like I had run 10 miles for the first time again.   And this morning I felt like I ran 10 miles.  =)  I am sore.  I am surprised at how sore I am.  Especially my calves, which is the most surprising to me.  I realize I haven't run in 2 months, and I haven't done Insanity for a month? three weeks?  but I didn't expect to be sore.  I guess I just didn't actually think about it.
I did wonder if I'd be able to run 2 miles, I thought maybe I'd be back at square one and have to run/walk, but I didn't.  I wonder if it's because I ran on the treadmill and not outside.  The treadmill is so much better at keeping a certain pace, and I definitely didn't want to go too fast.
An acquaintance of mine is very, very involved in lifting.  It is an interesting story to me.  When I first moved to Mt. Vernon and got a job here, I was working directly across from the biggest gym in the area, and I decided to join.  They had a "women's only" area and that is where I spent all of my time.  Anyway, a couple times I saw this girl on the elliptical and on the treadmill.  She was a very heavy girl but she was there often.  A few months later I went to the Nazarene church and saw this same girl playing the drums in the worship band.  She did not stop going to the gym and lost a lot of weight (I don't know, I asked once and she said she didn't know, she doesn't really care about the scale).  We became "friends" on Facebook, but haven't really talked much in person. 
Anyway, somewhere along her journey, she became a lifter, and I didn't lose any weight, stopped going to the gym, and then started running and lost some weight.  She is also a drummer, she does concerts, plays at the local theater, and is an actual music teacher at a high school.  She found her perfect type of workout called Pound and opened a studio. 
All of that was to say that I am going to her free class tomorrow morning to check it out.  I decided I need to take going back to running very slowly.  As much as I want to go jump on the treadmill again today, I feel like maybe I should take a break.  So no running today, no running tomorrow, and maybe I'll run on Friday (okay, let's be honest, I'm running on Friday). 
I meant to mention yesterday, and forgot, that my weight has stayed pretty steady.  Yesterday morning I was exactly 149.  I am okay with that, maybe not happy, but keeping steady and not gaining is a very good thing.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Good news . . . mostly

I have good news.  I finally got a job offer!  I'm so happy to be working again.  I don't actually start until next Monday, they didn't want me starting this week with the holiday.

The bad news?  It's an 8-5, M-F job in Everett, which is about an hour south of where I am.  I am definitely not excited to be commuting again (I commuted over an hour one way when I lived in Lynnwood for many years, and then when I moved to Mt. Vernon I was working in Seattle, and that was a 2 hour commute one way for 6 months).  I am also not thrilled about working 40 hours again (my last job was 30 hours) . . . but we NEED me to be working, and in reality, we really do need me to be working full time.

I will be doing something very, very similar to my last job, which is good because I knew my last job, but I was really hoping to go back to working with kids.  So while it is extremely good news that I have a job, I am not overly excited about it.  Plus, the logistics of only having one car and me having to take that car to Everett everyday, and having Damian in school in a different town, where we now have to pick him up every day . . . things will be interesting here for awhile.  I'm hopeful that we can get a new car, or get my (really, really old) Toyota up and running sometime at the beginning of next year.

I'm also worried about how that will affect my running.  I don't wake up in the morning to exercise, I've tried it, and I just am not able to force myself to do it more than once. So that means that most likely I won't get home until 6pm, and then I want to run, so I won't be out and about until 6:30ish (dinner time) and home after 7pm . . . Chris is going to be so mad at me all the time for that.  Thank goodness for my treadmill, I think we will be best friends for awhile with this job.

Chris and I were going to go to a beer and wine festival on Saturday that I had seen advertised a few months ago.  Chris got the day off even.  Then Damian told me on Thursday (I think) that he had his first robotics competition of the year in a town fairly close on Saturday.  I was glad Chris would be able to go because he didn't get to go to any last year.  We didn't stay for the whole thing because we had plans but it was fun. 

Their robot is the one in the bottom of the arena, says "DogBot 5920."  The robots have to release those balls in the center by knocking over a "kickstand" and then pick them up and put them in tubes to get points.  Four robots compete in 2 teams, they randomly pick the teams for each round, so you could be on a team with one robot and then the next time you compete, be on the opposite team as the same robot you were just teamed up with.  (I hope that makes sense.)  You can't touch your robot while it's competing, but between the rounds you can make repairs and adjustments. 
Chris was talking to a friend of ours and found out that she was going to the beer and wine festival too, it was at her work, but she wasn't working.  Then she said that tickets were $50 at the door.  I had seen online that it was $70 per couple, so Chris called the place and asked, and they said the $70 was only for online and online tickets were closed.  We ended up not going because we just couldn't justify $100 ($70 was pushing it).  So we went to our favorite beer and wine bar, and had dinner and drinks.  Afterwards we went for a walk along the boardwalk that they just remodeled.  It looks so fantastic (of course I have no pictures). 

We aren't doing anything exciting for Thanksgiving.  We have some friends that are coming over for dinner and the Seahawks and 49ers are playing.  Unfortunately, they are playing at dinner time (one of our friend works so we have to eat later).  But we will record it, like we always do, and watch it after dinner . . . probably with some drinks and maybe play a game.  I'm borrowing a game called Cards Against Humanity, I've heard it's super fun (dirty, but fun). 
I hope you all (Americans) have a great Thanksgiving! 
It's been 2 months since I ran.  I told myself I'd rest 2 months, I think I'm going to break out the treadmill this afternoon and go for a short (1 or 2 mile) run and see how I feel.  I'd run outside, but with Maddox and the rainy day we're having . . . I just think I'll try the treadmill.  I'm a little excited about it.  Here's hoping my feet hold up!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

House vs. house

So I have avoided talking about our housing situation a little because, well, frankly, it's embarrassing.  But it's been on my mind today and I'd like to talk about it.  Our house was foreclosed on.  It has been a while that we knew it was going to happen so it wasn't a surprise.  I mean, does anyone get foreclosed on unexpectedly?

Chris bought this house under his name only (remember, we aren't legally married).  Chris and I had been back together for a little while and I think he just wanted to please me.  I hated renting, thought it was money down the drain.  A mortgage is just like renting (or so I thought) but you are working towards owning, rather than helping someone else own. 
Right after we closed.
We never loved the house.  I loved the flowering trees in front, and Chris loved the potential of the backyard, it was on about a quarter of an acre.  We were going to fix it up and sell it and then move into our "dream" home.
That bush was HUGE!
The back yard, we ended up taking out 4 tons of stuff out
of this yard, and it was no way done when we stopped.
Shortly after "we" bought it, the economy crashed.  Chris's job started paying less.  Instead of 6 months (from spring through summer) of overtime work, he went to 4 months, then 3, then 2, this year it was September and part of October.  During the time Chris's job was declining, I lost my job and was unemployed for 8 months.  Surprisingly, we were able to scrape by through those 8 months and I found a job.  However, after only about 6 months my job went to extreme part-time (only 18 hours a week) and at the same time Chris started having a slow season in the winter.  Oh, and even though we had a fixed rate, our mortgage went up.  We weren't able to keep up.  I tried for awhile, sending them partial payments, until they told us that if we didn't send full payments they wouldn't accept them, so I stopped.  My job went up to 30 hours a week (it started as 37.5) after only a few months, but the damage was done.  We couldn't catch up.
We remodeled the bathroom.

Chris is a good guy, but he's a procrastinator (a bad one) and since my name was not on the house, I couldn't do anything about it.  He eventually tried to get a home modification, but by that time, they had raised the mortgage by $500 and when they gave us the modification, they only lowered $150, which we still couldn't afford.

So we ignored it.  We quit working on the yard.  Things quit getting done, after all, if we weren't keeping it, why make it better?  We didn't like the house anyway and it needed a lot of work.  Every year Chris would say "we're gonna lose the house this year" and then we didn't.

Then this year, Chris decided he wanted to try again.  I was done with the house.  It was damp and moldy.  Mold growing on the ceiling in Maddox's room, our room (a bonus room we made into a bedroom when Maddox came along) wasn't insulated and I found mold on more than one pair of my leather shoes, along with the leather coat Chris ended up throwing away.  When I would come back from visiting my family, I could smell the mold and it was horrifying.  Early on the hot water handle in the bathtub broke, and in true procrastinator fashion, it didn't get fixed right away.  The wrench we used to turn it on damaged the 60 year old stem, making it impossible to replace without spending a fortune to replace the plumbing.  The the hot water heater started leaking a little, by this summer this summer, there was constantly a puddle in front of the dryer (downhill from the water heater).  Needless to say, I was done with the house, but Chris wanted to try another loan modification.  I decided it'd be good to do it, and then sell the house down the line, maybe at a loss, but at least we tried.
This became our bedroom after Maddox was born.
Chris turned in the paperwork and we waited, and waited, and waited.  Chris called back a few times and talked to the same guy and was told it was "pending."  Then in August Chris talked to a new guy who said they didn't have the paperwork and we would have to start over, and that the foreclosure would most likely happen in November. 
front door
We decided to forget "saving" the house, and let it go.  And once again, in true procrastinator fashion, ignored the pending foreclosure.  I looked at rentals on craigslist all the time, had been for years, and even pointed out a few to Chris, but never pushed it.  Then I opened a letter that said the house would be auctioned off Nov. 7th, in 3 weeks, at the worst time of year to move because of the market.  We were feeling pretty desperate, even looking at 2 bedroom apts, but only found 2 affordable places and was turned down for one of those, the one in Mt. Vernon.
new house
After living in our new house for over 2 weeks,  I like it a million times better than the other one.  I feel more at home here, I'm not embarrassed to invite people over.  I still hate renting, but this place is nice.  It's the last house (only house, surrounded by a senior living apartments) on a dead end street.  The last one was on one of the busiest streets in Mount Vernon.  There's no dampness, no musty smell when we moved in, it's huge, with a full unfinished basement and unfinished but walkable attic and a garage, not to mention 3 actual bedrooms.  The biggest problem I have is that it's in a neighboring town, Burlington (the two towns are so close you can't tell where one ends and the other begins unless you know) which actually wouldn't be a problem except we have no intention of taking Damian out of the Mount Vernon high school.  And the furnace sucks, currently the thermostat is set at 85, but the temperature of the house is closer to 65. 

 Driving by my old house is strange.  When I moved from Lynnwood, I got homesick and was extremely sad whenever I went to see my sister there (I've since gotten over it) but I don't have those feelings about the M.V. house.  I'm sad, but it's more of a incomplete feeling, like I left unfinished business there, and I'm sad that I'm not more sad.  I'm sad to not be in the neighborhood anymore, where we had friends, and was close to Damian's school and friends, but we're only about a 10 min drive away.

I went back into the old house 2 days after moving out and it already smelled musty and like it had been sitting empty for months.  It smelled exactly like it did before we moved in, which we attributed it to it being empty for about a year. 
This is the same room as the picture above with the curtains
I like my new place, but I feel very displaced, almost unsettled or homeless.  We don't know if we'll be staying here longer than the 6 month lease, because we want Damian to be in the M.V. school, and we'd like to be closer to his activities and our friends.  I guess we'll see what the future brings. Right now I'm thankful for the house and actually really do love it.

Saturday, November 15, 2014


My life has been a little crazy and I haven't been on here for a long time.  I will try to be better, but unfortunately I can't promise anything right now.

I've slacked off quite a bit on the Insanity.  It just so happened that the week we moved was the "recovery" week but I didn't do the Core Cardio and Balance workout that week, but I did a lot of packing, lifting, carrying boxes and so on.  I ended up losing 3 lbs that week from all the activity, however, after that week I didn't get back into it.  I was unpacking and trying to arrange everything (which I'm still trying to figure out the pictures {we have a lot more wall space here, and not enough pictures to cover it all}) but I wasn't doing the manual labor like the week before.  I did one day of the Max Plyometric workout, but nothing since.  Which means 2 weeks of no exercise and 3 weeks of no Insanity.

During the week I took to move, I noticed how fantastic my feet were feeling so I kepp thinking I'll start running again, but I did tell myself I would take a full 2 months off  (and do Insanity) and it does bother me now and again (especially the last 2 days).  I feel like this time I should rest it until it's 100% again.

My old supervisor had plantar faciitis for over a year (even having to wear a cast).  I asked her the other day how long her dr. recommended she continue resting even after all the pain was gone.  She said 2 months.  That's 2 months after all pain is gone.  Ummmm . . . yeah, I don't think that will be happening.  Of course, my old supervisor wasn't a runner (yet, she has since started running) and obviously her dr wasn't either.  But I will wait longer than I did a year ago, which was only about 6 weeks.

It is hard to wait.  It means I will completely skip fall running, which is my favorite season to run.  I miss the paths with the leaves and the cool crisp air, but I'm trying to avoid another year of battling PF and I would like to run a marathon in 2015.

Sio not running, skipping Insanity, and not eating as well, I'm back up to 150 lbs.  And actually, when I was doing Insanity I wasn't seeing the results I thought I would.  There just seems to be something about running that works, it leans your body out and gives the appearance of being skinnier than maybe you really are.  It was noticeable when I went shopping with my sister, who exercises just as much as me, but doesn't run.  She actually weighs less than me, but I wear a smaller size than she does. 

Our new house has a full attic, and a full unfinished basement.  I don't know how long we will be here but if it's longer than the 6 month lease, I want to make the basement into a gym.  Of course, in order to do that, I have to get a job first!

Which brings me to . . . no job.  Still.  I'm beyond frustrated.  I completely expected to be working by now.  I've had an interview for almost every job I've applied for, but no offers of a job.  I don't know why I don't get hired . . . maybe I suck at interviews?

Tuesday, November 4, 2014


I thought I'd do a quick check in and let you all know that things are progressing here.  Even though Chris is a comcast contractor he can't hook up our cable or Internet because the pole is too tall for his ladder, so we have to wait for a bucket truck from Comcast. Anyway, I'm posting this from my phone so it will be short.

I took last week off of Insanity because I was packing. Also it was the "rest" week of Insanity, the week between months. My mom was here to help pack and then this last weekend we moved. It really was a whirlwind move. 4 weeks ago we didn't even know we were going to move. In good news, moving is good exercise because I lost 2 lbs. This morning I was down to 147.4, I almost jumped up and down when I saw that. =)

I don't know when I'll post again, hopefully we'll get Internet soon. I hope you all are doing great!

Now for the less daunting task of unpacking.

Sunday, October 26, 2014


Today was the day I was supposed to run my first marathon. I know it's better for me to have backed off on the marathon, and even stopped running (for now), but that doesn't mean I like it or am not sad that I couldn't do the marathon today. Instead, today, I am packing.  Not exactly what I would like to be doing, but in all honesty it is probably best that I didn't do the marathon now that I know I have to move.

I read a lot of blogs.   Somewhere around 40-50 (luckily not all of them post a ton, in fact, some of my favorites either stopped posting, or are very sporadic lately), and everyone has a different level of what they share.  Some of the ones I read share just about everything, and some of them share hardly anything personal.  I have to admit that I like more of a personal touch, more of the sharing of every day life, mixed in with running or fitness/healthy eating stuff.  My good friend from college that I talked about the other day with her new blog shares very personal stuff, but not the names of her family members, and I have yet to see her share a picture.  However, she is willing to put her blog on Facebook to let her friends and family read it. 

I feel like I share everything.  I share my kids' lives, my life, their names, even pictures of them (they're just so cute!).  I talk about my running and not a whole lot about what I eat (on the healthy side, but definitely not as healthy as some people).  But I am terrified of sharing my blog on Facebook.  Only one friend of mine has ever read my blog (Hi Misty! if you're still reading) (that I know of), Chris knows of it, but has never looked at it, probably doesn't even know the name of my blog. 

Where am I going with this?  I don't know.  I wish I was braver and wasn't so scared to share this with friends and family.  However, I worry that they will look at it and see how pathetic of a life I really live.  I am not the most fantastic writer.  I am not the best story teller.  Once upon a time I wanted to write for a living, but now that I'm "old" I know I'm actually not the best of writers.  I wish I was.  I am thankful for the 15 followers I have, even if they don't actually read it all the time.  =)

Like I said, I tend to over share on my personal life, and it's really hard not to talk about some of the reasons we are moving.  But they are in the personal category that I don't feel is appropriate to share.  We have never been completely happy with the house that we bought, it was intended as a "fixer upper" but the economy crashed right after we bought it and it never got fixed up.  It's damp, and there is mold growing on the ceiling in one of the rooms.  When we had Maddox we made the "bonus" room into the master bedroom but it was never intended for that and is even damper than the rest of the house.  When I don't wear something for a long time it often has the smell of mold on it.  Needless to say, it isn't exactly a healthy environment for me or my family.  My allergies are always worse when it's damp out, Maddox often has a running nose, and Chris gets this weird cold every 6 months or so.  Damian is the only one that seems immune to it.  (I'm just thankful none of us have developed asthma or are deathly allergic to mold spores.)

Are there more problems than mold, you ask?  Why yes, there are.  The hot water heater has started to leak and the toilet seal isn't working anymore, so it's constantly running.  The furnace is probably as old as the house (built in 1952) and the faucet handle on the bathtub is broken.  These are definitely minor problems compared to the mold, but still problems.  So I'm not especially sad to be saying goodbye to this house.  However, it is the only house Maddox has ever known.  By the time Damian was 4 (Maddox is only 3), we had moved 6 times.  I don't like moving, have never wanted to move so much, and when I moved to Lynnwood (in 2002) I was done moving.  Damian and I lived there for 6 years, and then we moved here, to Mt. Vernon and have been here 6 years and 10 months. 

The biggest problem is that we know we have to move, and soon.  However, we don't know where. We have yet to find a place.  So I'm packing, but I don't have a destination yet.  (We are staying in Mt. Vernon however.)  That is the most frustrating and stressful part of this whole thing.  Well, that and not having a job and needing one badly. 

Anyway, I completed week 4 of Insanity.  I wasn't as diligent with it as the program calls.  Most weeks I skipped "cardio recovery" in the middle of the week, and a couple times I skipped the Saturday workout because of different reasons.  (Can't remember the second reason, but the first time I skipped it I went to eastern WA.)  I have not lost any weight on Insanity, but that's okay, at least I'm not gaining weight.  =)

Thursday, October 23, 2014

I'm not dead

Have I ever told you that I love the fall?  I love the crisp morning air.  I love the leaves.  I love sweaters.  I love slippers.  I love waking up before everyone else and having a cup of coffee while reading my book (or like this morning, the blogs I am once again behind on)(I guess I love that all year round).  I love the coolness in the afternoon that makes running so fantastic.  I love running on trails where the leaves have fallen and hearing the crunch under foot.  I LOVE running in the fall. . .  Oh wait . . . I'm not running right now. 

This morning I even got dressed in my favorite oversized sweater just so I could sit in it . . . and then realized I had shrunk it the last week when I washed it.  It's been several months since I last washed it and I forgot that it is strictly hang dry.  So now my oversized comfy sweater fits, and isn't oversized or as comfy. =(  I'm very bummed. 

I am in the middle of week 4 of Insanity.  I feel like they are good workouts.  I literally drip sweat during and after my workouts.  But I just don't feel the same in my body as I do when I run.  I don't feel as lean, or as strong. In reality, I'm probably stronger since I'm working my entire body and not just the specific muscles that help me run, but I don't feel stronger.  And I definitely feel bigger. 

Probably because I am bigger.  Since losing my job I've gained 5lbs.  I'm not happy about it.  It's amazing because the last time I was 150, I was so proud and happy and thought that if I didn't lose anymore weight I'd be okay because I look fine.  Then I went down to 145 (even 143 for a short time) and now, being back up to 150, I feel fat.  I feel gross. My jeans are tight and I no longer need a belt.  I can see the difference. 

One last thing.  We are moving.  We don't know where (staying in the same town) but we have to leave our house.  It's a long story, but we have to move.  Like now.  So I will be spending the next week packing, and looking for somewhere to live.

Oh and I still don't have a job.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

checking in

I just read my last post.  That was not a good evening for me.  I'm sorry for all that negativity.  I am actually not that down normally, I am more down than normal, but that post made me seem much more depressed than I actually am.  So I'm sorry.

I've been doing Insanity now for 2 weeks.  I haven't actually lost much weight, actually only about half a pound, but that may be because of my birthday.  I drank more wine than I have been on my birthday, and then on Tuesday Chris made me a really great dinner.  It was crab, shrimp, and lobster, I didn't eat the potato, but I ate everything else.  I don't know if shell fish has a lot of salt or what, but I was definitely up in weight on Wednesday (152) but by yesterday I was down to 148.8, which is about half a pound down from last Friday.  The best part is that I'm down an inch in both my waist and my hips.

I finally looked at Bloglovin' and I am 85 posts behind.  It's not as bad as the 150 I had gotten to during the summer, but a far cry from being caught up like I was a few weeks ago.

I went to my parents' house last weekend.  We ended up going to a corn maze. 
It is a pretty big maze and they had it set up as a scavenger hunt type of thing as well.  You find certain spots and then answer a question about the Seahawks.  We didn't find all the spots, but I was the one with the most correct answers.  =)  We had fun but once we were done, we were DONE.  Problem is, it's a maze, so you have to find your way out.  =)  We managed, thankfully. 

Here's some pictures of the day . . .

And that is about all I have in my head today. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014


A week ago, two weeks ago . . . how long has it been since I last posted???  I don't even know.  I posted this on the same day that I last posted, and then thought, no, I will wait till tomorrow and write a real post, so I reverted it back to a draft.

I know I just posted, but I had to share this accomplishment.  =)
The first time I have been caught up since before I stopped working.  =) 

And I haven't been on blogger or bloglovin since.  I don't know how far behind I am.  I quit looking.

I did not quit exercising or eating healthy though.  In fact, two weeks ago I quit running.  I decided that my feet are not healing properly while I run.  They hurt every time I go out for a run, for at least the first half mile, and then they hurt for the entire evening afterwards and sometimes the next day.  So I quit.  It was a hard decision to make.  I dusted off the old Insanity workouts and I've been doing those.

I had to modify them though.  I can't do all the jumping that is on the videos.  In fact, there is jogging, high knees, butt kicks, scissor kicks, and many more things . . . just in the warm up, that I can't do.  So I change it up.  I do something different, today I danced a lot with Maddox when I was supposed to be doing those things.  And it is working.  My feet don't hurt as much.  They aren't as "tight" in the morning.  I hope that in a couple months they'll be okay and I can go back to running. 

As soon as I'm able to start running, I'm going to look for a marathon to do, and start training for it. That is my goal for 2015, a full marathon.

I turned 38 on Monday.  We did nothing.  Damian had a football game, and then the Seahawks played . . . so lots of football.  I like football, but that wasn't my idea of a good birthday.  Besides . . . I don't have a job, which means we have less money, so on Monday, Oct. 6th, we had $3 in our acct.  And since Chris is the king of procrastination he hadn't gotten me anything so no gifts. 

Birthdays have always been a big deal to me.  I feel that everyone should celebrate the day they were born.  Without that day, they (I) wouldn't be here.  So that, combined with already being depressed, has made me . . . down.

Oh and the fact that I had a very, very promising interview last Wednesday.  They called my references Thursday . . . and then no word since.  None.  I 100% expected to be working by today.  I was already trying to think of excuses why I couldn't start working on my birthday, but they still haven't called and today is the 9th, a full week and day after the interview. 

A friend of mine started a blog.  She was my college roommate, and my maid of honor when I got married. She has been very public on facebook about her blog.  Becoming Me  She has posted her blog on facebook everytime she has written something (2 posts), and she is amazing at writing.  I want to continue reading, I think she stops too soon.  But I can't publically share this blog.  I don't want people to read it.  I don't think it's great.  It's not inspirational.  It's nothing.  It's my thoughts and feelings in the moment.  And when I don't run . . . I have nothing to say.  Nothing.

Reading my friend's blog, I feel inadequate.  She has a way with words that I don't think I will ever have.  And she leaves you wanting more.  Just like a really good book. 

So here I am.  Depressed.  Bored.  Tired of being a housemom.  Lonely.  And I can't run.  Did I mention depressed?

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Running naked

My phone died on Monday.  Completely.  It's not even that old, but I dropped it a couple times, and while the drops didn't affect it immediately, it's been a slow progression to dead for a month or so.  It was a little weird to not have a phone on Tuesday, but by yesterday it wasn't strange at all.  Yes, not being able to check text messages is weird and I'm on FB on my phone more than anywhere else, not to mention the games I play (not that many, btw), but I don't really miss it (much), I have a Kindle, that has all the same apps on it, and my computer.  So it hasn't affected me . . . until I decided to go for a run. 

2 years ago, maybe even 1 year ago, I wouldn't have thought of going for a run without something in my ear.  In fact, if my phone wasn't charged, I would have cancelled my run.  I've had my phone die on me while running but I've never ran the whole time without it before.  Yesterday, I ran without anything.  I ran "naked."  And it wasn't bad.  I wouldn't say I preferred it, but I didn't necessarily miss it either. 

Most of the time I run with an audiobook, but I have noticed lately that I don't pay as close attention to it as I used to.  My mind sometimes wanders and I realize I didn't hear the last 5 min.  Same with music, my mind wanders, often I find myself counting my steps between cracks in the sidewalk (I don't know why, I started it to distract me from hard uphills, or just plain hard runs).  I do tend to run faster with music because of the beat, but I don't listen to it (strangely, I don't count my steps when I listen to music).

A few times during my run I wished I ran on more scenic routes.  All of my routes are on busy city streets, not because I like them, but that is what there is when running straight from my house.  Without music or an audiobook in my ear, I wished I could hear the birds, or some sort of nature sounds.  And honestly, I can see myself not listening to anything sometimes while I run.

Have I mentioned that my Garmin died?  I don't think I did.  It died in the middle of August, and while it's still under warranty, I hadn't done anything with it until this week.  So I didn't even have that.  I was truly "naked." 

The only thing I really missed on my run was something tracking how fast each split was.  I didn't really notice the lack of noise in my ears.  I did my normal counting, and my normal thinking, and didn't have any problems. 

I have done very well on my eating for the last several days.  I have stayed in my calories, even on days when I don't run (which is ALWAYS a challenge for me).  I have avoided wine on non-run days, and have been okay at limiting my wine intake on run days.   (On Monday I went to court to celebrate an old client who graduated the program, I meant with my old coworker and we went out to have a glass after court to catch up and then forgot about it {when I say "forgot" I mean I ignored it} so it was more than I intended.)

Yesterday morning I forgot to weigh myself (very frustrated with that) and when I did weigh myself, just before lunch, I had drank a ton of water (not to mention eaten breakfast).  I was a little up (151.0), but after my run I was down to 147.8.  Usually after my run I'm right around the weight I was in the morning before eating and drinking anything (unless I have a long run, then it's less), so that's good.  =) This morning I was sitting at 149.7.

Since pictures are always nice but I don't have any new ones because my phone is dead, here is one of Maddox from a few days ago.  =)

Monday, September 22, 2014

"Long" run

So you know what my problem has been this summer with posting?  I get on my computer to write a post, and automatically type facebook in the . . . well, I don't know what that area is called . . .you know, where you type the web address you want to go to.  (Boy I feel stupid now.)  Anyway, FB is such an automatic thing that I type that in, and then think, well, I'll just look around a little, and 3 hours later (okay, maybe not that long) I turn off the computer and only later realize I never typed up my post.  This happened just now, although, I realized I still hadn't written my post yet when I closed the computer and opened it back up and got on here.  =)

Anyway, Saturday I had a great run.  I felt fantastic.  I really, really wanted to just get out and run for a long, long time.  (Who would have thought that I would miss running for over an hour??)  Instead of putting on my audiobook, which is what I usually run to, I put on some music.  I decided I wanted to incorporate some of my long run route into my 5 mile route instead of during my normal 5 miles.  I hoped that by doing that it would feel more like a long run, rather than just an everyday run.  And I think I was right.  I ran by the river, and then ended it on the trail that I almost always end my long run on.  It really did feel fantastic.

I don't know if it was the music, versus an audiobook, or the desire to just run, or maybe the fact that I didn't have the jogging stroller, but I started out really fast.  (Well, really fast for me right now, it actually would have been pretty average 6+ months ago.)  I knew I was going too fast, I could feel it, so I tried to slow down, and I did.  I managed to do positive splits for the whole run (which is actually not a good thing).  I thought about it after the first mile, I knew I needed to slow down early, so I wouldn't have the positive splits, but that didn't work.  I was just too excited to be out there running. 
Honestly, I think running too fast was what contributed to me feeling like I actually had a long run.  I was the same kind of tired as I am after a long run.  That and incorporating aspects of my long run into my route, especially ending where I normally end my long run.  It was nice to see that I can still run fast, that I can still have an entire run average to be under a 9 min/mile (8:58 to be exact).

After my post on Saturday about how good I ate on Friday and how wonderful I felt, I realized that we had promised Damian to take him to a movie on Saturday for his birthday.  We read the book (well, a series) The Maze Runner, and loved them, so Damian really wanted to see the movie which came out on Friday.  I love popcorn.  Like really love popcorn.  And I love eating popcorn and licorice together.  I realize it's not that great of a decision food-wise, but we rarely go to the movies, and I never eat popcorn and licorice together (I eat popcorn all the time) outside of the movies, so I decided that was dinner.  And as promised (to myself) I had some wine after the movie. 

I was worried yesterday morning about my weight.  Popcorn (with salt and butter), licorice, and wine . . . yeah, as I was going to the bathroom right before weighing myself I gave myself a pep talk, telling myself that I would be over 150 again, and it was okay, because I will eat better today and the rest of the week.  I was super happy (and surprised) that my weight was 149.0, 0.4 less than Saturday. 

I needed to go to the store yesterday morning and was putting on a pair of capri's that I haven't worn much this summer (not having a job meant I could wear shorts all day instead of having to wear capri's in hot weather).  I had a flash to when they were too tight (can you say camel toe??) and then I thought that was silly, I hadn't gained that much weight.  So I put them on and before pulling on my shirt I looked in the mirror and what did I see?  love handles.  It's amazing what just a couple pounds can look like.  So then I had a flash to when these same capri's were loose on me.  I was having a "skinny day" and after seeing myself in the mirror, I definitely didn't feel skinny any longer.

I struggled all day yesterday with wanting to have a glass of wine while watching the Seahawks play.  I really wanted a glass, I went back and forth all day about whether or not I should.  So I logged what I was planning to eat for dinner in to see if I had any leeway in my calories, and I didn't.  So I didn't have one. 

Speaking of football, yesterday was a good football day, Packers lost, Ravens, and Seahawks won, and the 49ers lost. (Sorry Gwen . . . but not really)  =)

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Fat days vs. skinny days (we all have them, no matter what weight we are)

Yesterday was a bit of a pity party for me.  It kinda clicked in my head yesterday evening when a friend came over.  We were just chatting and he mentioned that I seemed way more "down" I usually am.  I thought about it a little, and I agree, I am bordering on the depressed side of things right now.  It's interesting to me that once I name that I am a little depressed, I get better.  (Not fantastic, but it doesn't seem to be as bad.)  It's been this way since I first noticed I was depressed when I was pregnant with Damian. 

Not working, and not being able to run has really affected me.  I get so frustrated with being a stay at home mom and I'd love to just go out for a nice long run, but I can't.  It probably wouldn't be so bad, but Chris is currently working mandatory overtime, which is good because I'm not working and the extra money is very welcome, but 6 days a week of being home alone with a toddler until 6, sometimes 7pm, is really getting to me.  And then he only has one day off, and he definitely doesn't feel like getting up early so I can sleep in, or take Maddox to the park or something so I get some away time.  I get it, but I also get so frustrated.  I have been taking 30 or 45 min on his day off to go get coffee or something just to get away. 

My weekend with my sister was awesome, but it wasn't enough.  I used to think I'd like to be a permanent stay at home mom, and maybe it would be better if Maddox was at school (I did do it 5 years ago for 8 months when I was laid off from my last job, but Damian was at school and Maddox wasn't even conceived) but I am not cut out for toddler-stay-at-home-mom-work. 

So, I am working on my eating.  It's only day 3 (and the first day, Thursday, barely counts) but I'm feeling better.  Not so bloated and not so . . . fat.  Yesterday I did good.  Like really good.  I kept under my calories, I ate good, healthy food.  Thursday I did not do so well, I made cake balls from the leftover cake from Damian's Rubik's cube cake, and ate some of it, not to mention the piece of cake that we had after dinner (finally! Damian's birthday was Tuesday) with ice cream.  And then there was the bottle (yes, entire bottle) of wine I had.  I didn't mean to, but I always tend to drink more on Chris's one day off (which is Thursday) because he's home and he's drinking more, and I just like the taste of wine. 

So I have committed myself to only drinking a glass (maybe 2) of wine on days I run, and none on days I'm not running.  Running days gives me a little leeway on calories, and I figure if I can't have some wine after a run (usually several hours after) why run?  ; )  That will be only 4 days a week, since that is all I am running nowadays.  Which is good for me today, but will not be good tomorrow.  ; )

This morning I was down to 149.4, which is nice.  Maybe the 152.6 was actually sodium and water weight, and just plain bloating from the bottle of wine.  I just need to get out of this funk.  I'm not blogging, I'm not eating well, I'm not working.  And I keep telling myself that once I get a job I'll go back to all my good habits, but why am I waiting for a job?  Yes, I find it easier to follow the plan when I'm working, but now is the time that I need to work on eating well . . . when it's hard. 

One thing I noticed on Tuesday when I was looking at all the old pictures of Damian, I definitely looked bigger.  

November 2007 
August 2014
I find it interesting that 5 years ago I felt fat, I always had a blanket or pillow over my stomach when I was sitting on the couch.  I was 30 lbs heavier than I am now.  There were days when I felt skinny and there were days when I felt fatter.  And I notice that I still have those days.  The last week has been a "fat" week, I'm sitting on the couch most evenings with a blanket thrown over my middle.  Even though I'm sitting at (almost) 30 lbs lighter than I was, I still feel the need to cover my middle.  I also notice that when I was heavier, I HATED Chris rubbing my stomach.  And then I lost weight, and didn't care if he rubbed it.  This week, I don't want him touching my stomach. 

There are days when I feel skinny (more now than 3-5 years ago) and there are days now when I feel fat (less now).  Is there ever a time when we are happy with the weight we are?  Yes, being 140 (or lower) would be awesome, but what is wrong with 145? (Not that I am that now, but a few months ago I was and thought I'd rather be 140.) If I ever get down to 140, will that be low enough, or will I be on to wanting to be 135? 

Anyway, I am not happy being over 150, I liked the feeling at 145, a lot.  I want that.  And maybe, just maybe, when I get back there, I'll be happy and remember how I feel right now.  That 145 is okay.  That I don't need to continually strive to be "just 5 lbs" lighter. 

Today is a skinny day.  Today, after just 1 day of eating really, really well, I feel a million times better.  I need to remember that.  I need to remember that this evening when I'm thinking about those damn cake balls in the fridge and that wine on the counter.  Go to bed a little earlier, avoid the temptations that staying up late always brings.

Friday, September 19, 2014


Wow, two days in a row (not to mention twice in one week) this is an accomplishment.  ; )  But seriously, I've had this on my mind all morning so I need to get it out.

I'm up in weight.  =(  By about 4 lbs.  I'm not happy with this.  I am back above 150, 152 to be exact, as of this morning.  I was hoping that it was just water weight or something from Damian's birthday dinner (Outback Steakhouse ribs, with several bites of the volcano brownie {or whatever it's called}).  But I usually lose the extra weight after about a day, and I haven't. 

I know my eating hasn't been stellar, and my water intake has gone down, and my wine consumption has gone up, and my running is less.  All of these have contributed to this gain.  And I feel out of control on everything.  What I really, really want is to go for a long run of at least 8 miles.  But I can't. Not just because of my plantar faciitis, but also because I haven't run that far for a couple months and doubt I could. 

I'm tired of not working.  Maddox is adorable, but I get so annoyed with his clingy-ness.  I'm not talking about during the day, but after everyone else is home, he still just wants to come to me.  I know, I'm his mom and this is normal, but it would be so nice if he would just go sit on Chris's lap for the evening.  He sits, hangs, crawls on me all day, go sit, hang, crawl on Papa! 

I need to curb these eating habits, I can't afford to gain more weight.  That's a total of 7 lbs in the time that I've been off work, and that's just plain unacceptable! 

I didn't get the job I wanted.  I was offered the other job, sorta.  It's as a independent contractor and I would have to basically open my own business, get a business license and all sorts of stuff, and I just don't think I'm ready for that, nor do I think I ever will be.  It's scary and worrisome for me. 

Well, FedEx just delivered my new running shoes, so I think I'll go for a run.  I need to run off some of this frustration anyway. . .

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Leavenworth and a birthday

No, I haven't fallen off the edge of the world.  I'm still doing all the same stuff.  Running around 15 miles a week, looking for a job, etc.

Last weekend I went to Leavenworth with my sister and had a great time.  We were going to do a wine tasting, but that was already booked.  Then I found out that they had a wine walk on Saturday so we decided to do that.  It was a lot of fun.  I almost think it was more fun because we got to taste a lot more wines than if we had gone to a couple wineries for tasting, and we could shop at the same time because the wine tasting was spread out throughout downtown Leavenworth.  I think it's kind of a brilliant thing if you think about it.  All these wine drinkers getting tipsy and then spending way more money in all the shops.  =)

Nancy does not drink.  The only time she drinks is when she is on vacation, so she is a lightweight.  She is seriously funny when she drinks.  We were both feeling the affects at about 1pm (the walk started at 12) so we slowed down and ate some gelato and then did more shopping and less drinking (don't get me wrong, we still did a lot of drinking, just slowed down).  It was a lot of fun. 

Tuesday was Damian's birthday.  Let me rephrase that, Tuesday was Damian's 16th birthday.  I blew up his newsfeed on facebook by posting old pictures of him all day.  It was a lot of fun looking at old pictures. 

Here is just a couple of the many I posted.

And here he is on Tuesday.

Chris has been working 6 days a week for a couple months, and he is the one that makes the birthday dinners because he is good at it.  (Both Damian and I like crab, lobster, and shrimp dinners on our birthdays, even though Chris doesn't like seafood.)  Anyway, because Chris has been working so much I didn't want to ask him to cook and I would screw it up, so we went to Outback for dinner.  And totally wasted the cake I spent all day making for him.  (literally