Thursday, September 25, 2014

Running naked

My phone died on Monday.  Completely.  It's not even that old, but I dropped it a couple times, and while the drops didn't affect it immediately, it's been a slow progression to dead for a month or so.  It was a little weird to not have a phone on Tuesday, but by yesterday it wasn't strange at all.  Yes, not being able to check text messages is weird and I'm on FB on my phone more than anywhere else, not to mention the games I play (not that many, btw), but I don't really miss it (much), I have a Kindle, that has all the same apps on it, and my computer.  So it hasn't affected me . . . until I decided to go for a run. 

2 years ago, maybe even 1 year ago, I wouldn't have thought of going for a run without something in my ear.  In fact, if my phone wasn't charged, I would have cancelled my run.  I've had my phone die on me while running but I've never ran the whole time without it before.  Yesterday, I ran without anything.  I ran "naked."  And it wasn't bad.  I wouldn't say I preferred it, but I didn't necessarily miss it either. 

Most of the time I run with an audiobook, but I have noticed lately that I don't pay as close attention to it as I used to.  My mind sometimes wanders and I realize I didn't hear the last 5 min.  Same with music, my mind wanders, often I find myself counting my steps between cracks in the sidewalk (I don't know why, I started it to distract me from hard uphills, or just plain hard runs).  I do tend to run faster with music because of the beat, but I don't listen to it (strangely, I don't count my steps when I listen to music).

A few times during my run I wished I ran on more scenic routes.  All of my routes are on busy city streets, not because I like them, but that is what there is when running straight from my house.  Without music or an audiobook in my ear, I wished I could hear the birds, or some sort of nature sounds.  And honestly, I can see myself not listening to anything sometimes while I run.

Have I mentioned that my Garmin died?  I don't think I did.  It died in the middle of August, and while it's still under warranty, I hadn't done anything with it until this week.  So I didn't even have that.  I was truly "naked." 

The only thing I really missed on my run was something tracking how fast each split was.  I didn't really notice the lack of noise in my ears.  I did my normal counting, and my normal thinking, and didn't have any problems. 

I have done very well on my eating for the last several days.  I have stayed in my calories, even on days when I don't run (which is ALWAYS a challenge for me).  I have avoided wine on non-run days, and have been okay at limiting my wine intake on run days.   (On Monday I went to court to celebrate an old client who graduated the program, I meant with my old coworker and we went out to have a glass after court to catch up and then forgot about it {when I say "forgot" I mean I ignored it} so it was more than I intended.)

Yesterday morning I forgot to weigh myself (very frustrated with that) and when I did weigh myself, just before lunch, I had drank a ton of water (not to mention eaten breakfast).  I was a little up (151.0), but after my run I was down to 147.8.  Usually after my run I'm right around the weight I was in the morning before eating and drinking anything (unless I have a long run, then it's less), so that's good.  =) This morning I was sitting at 149.7.

Since pictures are always nice but I don't have any new ones because my phone is dead, here is one of Maddox from a few days ago.  =)

Monday, September 22, 2014

"Long" run

So you know what my problem has been this summer with posting?  I get on my computer to write a post, and automatically type facebook in the . . . well, I don't know what that area is called . . .you know, where you type the web address you want to go to.  (Boy I feel stupid now.)  Anyway, FB is such an automatic thing that I type that in, and then think, well, I'll just look around a little, and 3 hours later (okay, maybe not that long) I turn off the computer and only later realize I never typed up my post.  This happened just now, although, I realized I still hadn't written my post yet when I closed the computer and opened it back up and got on here.  =)

Anyway, Saturday I had a great run.  I felt fantastic.  I really, really wanted to just get out and run for a long, long time.  (Who would have thought that I would miss running for over an hour??)  Instead of putting on my audiobook, which is what I usually run to, I put on some music.  I decided I wanted to incorporate some of my long run route into my 5 mile route instead of during my normal 5 miles.  I hoped that by doing that it would feel more like a long run, rather than just an everyday run.  And I think I was right.  I ran by the river, and then ended it on the trail that I almost always end my long run on.  It really did feel fantastic.

I don't know if it was the music, versus an audiobook, or the desire to just run, or maybe the fact that I didn't have the jogging stroller, but I started out really fast.  (Well, really fast for me right now, it actually would have been pretty average 6+ months ago.)  I knew I was going too fast, I could feel it, so I tried to slow down, and I did.  I managed to do positive splits for the whole run (which is actually not a good thing).  I thought about it after the first mile, I knew I needed to slow down early, so I wouldn't have the positive splits, but that didn't work.  I was just too excited to be out there running. 
Honestly, I think running too fast was what contributed to me feeling like I actually had a long run.  I was the same kind of tired as I am after a long run.  That and incorporating aspects of my long run into my route, especially ending where I normally end my long run.  It was nice to see that I can still run fast, that I can still have an entire run average to be under a 9 min/mile (8:58 to be exact).

After my post on Saturday about how good I ate on Friday and how wonderful I felt, I realized that we had promised Damian to take him to a movie on Saturday for his birthday.  We read the book (well, a series) The Maze Runner, and loved them, so Damian really wanted to see the movie which came out on Friday.  I love popcorn.  Like really love popcorn.  And I love eating popcorn and licorice together.  I realize it's not that great of a decision food-wise, but we rarely go to the movies, and I never eat popcorn and licorice together (I eat popcorn all the time) outside of the movies, so I decided that was dinner.  And as promised (to myself) I had some wine after the movie. 

I was worried yesterday morning about my weight.  Popcorn (with salt and butter), licorice, and wine . . . yeah, as I was going to the bathroom right before weighing myself I gave myself a pep talk, telling myself that I would be over 150 again, and it was okay, because I will eat better today and the rest of the week.  I was super happy (and surprised) that my weight was 149.0, 0.4 less than Saturday. 

I needed to go to the store yesterday morning and was putting on a pair of capri's that I haven't worn much this summer (not having a job meant I could wear shorts all day instead of having to wear capri's in hot weather).  I had a flash to when they were too tight (can you say camel toe??) and then I thought that was silly, I hadn't gained that much weight.  So I put them on and before pulling on my shirt I looked in the mirror and what did I see?  love handles.  It's amazing what just a couple pounds can look like.  So then I had a flash to when these same capri's were loose on me.  I was having a "skinny day" and after seeing myself in the mirror, I definitely didn't feel skinny any longer.

I struggled all day yesterday with wanting to have a glass of wine while watching the Seahawks play.  I really wanted a glass, I went back and forth all day about whether or not I should.  So I logged what I was planning to eat for dinner in myfitnesspal.com to see if I had any leeway in my calories, and I didn't.  So I didn't have one. 

Speaking of football, yesterday was a good football day, Packers lost, Ravens, and Seahawks won, and the 49ers lost. (Sorry Gwen . . . but not really)  =)

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Fat days vs. skinny days (we all have them, no matter what weight we are)

Yesterday was a bit of a pity party for me.  It kinda clicked in my head yesterday evening when a friend came over.  We were just chatting and he mentioned that I seemed way more "down" I usually am.  I thought about it a little, and I agree, I am bordering on the depressed side of things right now.  It's interesting to me that once I name that I am a little depressed, I get better.  (Not fantastic, but it doesn't seem to be as bad.)  It's been this way since I first noticed I was depressed when I was pregnant with Damian. 

Not working, and not being able to run has really affected me.  I get so frustrated with being a stay at home mom and I'd love to just go out for a nice long run, but I can't.  It probably wouldn't be so bad, but Chris is currently working mandatory overtime, which is good because I'm not working and the extra money is very welcome, but 6 days a week of being home alone with a toddler until 6, sometimes 7pm, is really getting to me.  And then he only has one day off, and he definitely doesn't feel like getting up early so I can sleep in, or take Maddox to the park or something so I get some away time.  I get it, but I also get so frustrated.  I have been taking 30 or 45 min on his day off to go get coffee or something just to get away. 

My weekend with my sister was awesome, but it wasn't enough.  I used to think I'd like to be a permanent stay at home mom, and maybe it would be better if Maddox was at school (I did do it 5 years ago for 8 months when I was laid off from my last job, but Damian was at school and Maddox wasn't even conceived) but I am not cut out for toddler-stay-at-home-mom-work. 

So, I am working on my eating.  It's only day 3 (and the first day, Thursday, barely counts) but I'm feeling better.  Not so bloated and not so . . . fat.  Yesterday I did good.  Like really good.  I kept under my calories, I ate good, healthy food.  Thursday I did not do so well, I made cake balls from the leftover cake from Damian's Rubik's cube cake, and ate some of it, not to mention the piece of cake that we had after dinner (finally! Damian's birthday was Tuesday) with ice cream.  And then there was the bottle (yes, entire bottle) of wine I had.  I didn't mean to, but I always tend to drink more on Chris's one day off (which is Thursday) because he's home and he's drinking more, and I just like the taste of wine. 

So I have committed myself to only drinking a glass (maybe 2) of wine on days I run, and none on days I'm not running.  Running days gives me a little leeway on calories, and I figure if I can't have some wine after a run (usually several hours after) why run?  ; )  That will be only 4 days a week, since that is all I am running nowadays.  Which is good for me today, but will not be good tomorrow.  ; )


This morning I was down to 149.4, which is nice.  Maybe the 152.6 was actually sodium and water weight, and just plain bloating from the bottle of wine.  I just need to get out of this funk.  I'm not blogging, I'm not eating well, I'm not working.  And I keep telling myself that once I get a job I'll go back to all my good habits, but why am I waiting for a job?  Yes, I find it easier to follow the plan when I'm working, but now is the time that I need to work on eating well . . . when it's hard. 

One thing I noticed on Tuesday when I was looking at all the old pictures of Damian, I definitely looked bigger.  

November 2007 
August 2014
I find it interesting that 5 years ago I felt fat, I always had a blanket or pillow over my stomach when I was sitting on the couch.  I was 30 lbs heavier than I am now.  There were days when I felt skinny and there were days when I felt fatter.  And I notice that I still have those days.  The last week has been a "fat" week, I'm sitting on the couch most evenings with a blanket thrown over my middle.  Even though I'm sitting at (almost) 30 lbs lighter than I was, I still feel the need to cover my middle.  I also notice that when I was heavier, I HATED Chris rubbing my stomach.  And then I lost weight, and didn't care if he rubbed it.  This week, I don't want him touching my stomach. 

There are days when I feel skinny (more now than 3-5 years ago) and there are days now when I feel fat (less now).  Is there ever a time when we are happy with the weight we are?  Yes, being 140 (or lower) would be awesome, but what is wrong with 145? (Not that I am that now, but a few months ago I was and thought I'd rather be 140.) If I ever get down to 140, will that be low enough, or will I be on to wanting to be 135? 

Anyway, I am not happy being over 150, I liked the feeling at 145, a lot.  I want that.  And maybe, just maybe, when I get back there, I'll be happy and remember how I feel right now.  That 145 is okay.  That I don't need to continually strive to be "just 5 lbs" lighter. 

Today is a skinny day.  Today, after just 1 day of eating really, really well, I feel a million times better.  I need to remember that.  I need to remember that this evening when I'm thinking about those damn cake balls in the fridge and that wine on the counter.  Go to bed a little earlier, avoid the temptations that staying up late always brings.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Ugh!

Wow, two days in a row (not to mention twice in one week) this is an accomplishment.  ; )  But seriously, I've had this on my mind all morning so I need to get it out.

I'm up in weight.  =(  By about 4 lbs.  I'm not happy with this.  I am back above 150, 152 to be exact, as of this morning.  I was hoping that it was just water weight or something from Damian's birthday dinner (Outback Steakhouse ribs, with several bites of the volcano brownie {or whatever it's called}).  But I usually lose the extra weight after about a day, and I haven't. 

I know my eating hasn't been stellar, and my water intake has gone down, and my wine consumption has gone up, and my running is less.  All of these have contributed to this gain.  And I feel out of control on everything.  What I really, really want is to go for a long run of at least 8 miles.  But I can't. Not just because of my plantar faciitis, but also because I haven't run that far for a couple months and doubt I could. 

I'm tired of not working.  Maddox is adorable, but I get so annoyed with his clingy-ness.  I'm not talking about during the day, but after everyone else is home, he still just wants to come to me.  I know, I'm his mom and this is normal, but it would be so nice if he would just go sit on Chris's lap for the evening.  He sits, hangs, crawls on me all day, go sit, hang, crawl on Papa! 

I need to curb these eating habits, I can't afford to gain more weight.  That's a total of 7 lbs in the time that I've been off work, and that's just plain unacceptable! 

I didn't get the job I wanted.  I was offered the other job, sorta.  It's as a independent contractor and I would have to basically open my own business, get a business license and all sorts of stuff, and I just don't think I'm ready for that, nor do I think I ever will be.  It's scary and worrisome for me. 

Well, FedEx just delivered my new running shoes, so I think I'll go for a run.  I need to run off some of this frustration anyway. . .

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Leavenworth and a birthday

No, I haven't fallen off the edge of the world.  I'm still doing all the same stuff.  Running around 15 miles a week, looking for a job, etc.

Last weekend I went to Leavenworth with my sister and had a great time.  We were going to do a wine tasting, but that was already booked.  Then I found out that they had a wine walk on Saturday so we decided to do that.  It was a lot of fun.  I almost think it was more fun because we got to taste a lot more wines than if we had gone to a couple wineries for tasting, and we could shop at the same time because the wine tasting was spread out throughout downtown Leavenworth.  I think it's kind of a brilliant thing if you think about it.  All these wine drinkers getting tipsy and then spending way more money in all the shops.  =)

Nancy does not drink.  The only time she drinks is when she is on vacation, so she is a lightweight.  She is seriously funny when she drinks.  We were both feeling the affects at about 1pm (the walk started at 12) so we slowed down and ate some gelato and then did more shopping and less drinking (don't get me wrong, we still did a lot of drinking, just slowed down).  It was a lot of fun. 



Tuesday was Damian's birthday.  Let me rephrase that, Tuesday was Damian's 16th birthday.  I blew up his newsfeed on facebook by posting old pictures of him all day.  It was a lot of fun looking at old pictures. 

Here is just a couple of the many I posted.



And here he is on Tuesday.



Chris has been working 6 days a week for a couple months, and he is the one that makes the birthday dinners because he is good at it.  (Both Damian and I like crab, lobster, and shrimp dinners on our birthdays, even though Chris doesn't like seafood.)  Anyway, because Chris has been working so much I didn't want to ask him to cook and I would screw it up, so we went to Outback for dinner.  And totally wasted the cake I spent all day making for him.  (literally all.day.).

Friday, September 5, 2014

Jogging stroller, failed goals, and PF

So I've been doing some running with my jogging stroller.  Damian started school this week, so my built in babysitter is gone all day, but I had been using it more before he went back to school anyway.  With less miles I feel like it's not that big of a deal to take Maddox for a run with me.  I was doing mostly 3 miles with him, but last week I upped it to 4 miles with the stroller.  I used to run with the stroller quite a bit the first year I ran, but because my stroller is so old and beat up, it's really annoying, so I pretty much quit using it all together. 

Several weeks ago I talked Damian into running with me a couple times.  He had decided he wanted to play football this year and since he quit gymnastics and only did baseball last year in other sports (he used to do basketball, wrestling, soccer, baseball, gymnastics) he hasn't been as active as he used to be so I told him he should start doing small runs with me to build up to football.  He did 2 runs with me (I considered that a win since he doesn't really like running) but because he was my babysitter we took the stroller out (pumped up the tires) and took Maddox with us.

So even though Damian only did 2 runs with me, I decided to continue taking the stroller on 3 mile runs because it would increase my cardio workout quite a bit and hopefully make up for such short runs.  I don't know if it's getting easier, but I don't mind taking Maddox once or twice (preferably only once) a week. 

It's really frustrating to have this problem with my feet (plantar faciitis).  It is definitely getting better, which makes it even harder for me because I want to run more, and since my feet aren't in constant pain I feel like I could, but I know that I can't.  I have to let my feet heal if I don't want to battle this any longer. 

Tomorrow is the year anniversary for my second half marathon (well, it was Sept 8th last year, but it is tomorrow, the 6th, this year).  It's very bittersweet for me.  This year was going to be my marathon year.  I was going to increase my miles completely, making the goal of 100 miles every month, which would put me at 1200+ miles for the year, and do more races.  Yeah, if you look to the sidebar, I've only done 3 races this year, and had to cancel my marathon training.  Not to mention last month I only got 51 miles in.  There goes pretty much every single one of my goals for 2014. Every.Single.One.  BUT I know I have to do this.  I have to cut back on my running.  I HAVE to.  I love running too much to cause permanent physical damage to my feet.

My left foot has been struggling with the PF for over a year.  I completely ignored it all last summer, finally resting it after the Skagit Flats half marathon (the one that is tomorrow).  I only rested it for 2 months, and then went right back to running.  I did do physical therapy (for a month and a half)($20 copays every single time I went in)(they wanted me to go in 2x a week), but then ignored the pt therapist and increased my miles anyway.  And then started training for a marathon.  Yeah, none of these were the best decisions I've ever had.  So now I also have it in my right foot, although my left foot is definitely worse. 

Decreasing my miles and rolling it every day (I try to ice, but that's not every day) definitely helps.  Oh and shoes with inserts ALL THE TIME.  (I am a barefoot girl, not even a flip flop girl but barefoot, so it's hard.) There are still mornings when I hobble to the bathroom, but not as often and not as badly.  And I rarely feel it during the day anymore, although it definitely bothers me for the first half mile of any run. 

My weight has definitely crept up to the firm 148 range.  Which I am annoyed about, but my eating has not been stellar, and I doubt it ever will be.  It's easier for me when I am going to work every day.  I don't snack much, really hardly ever, but it is just easier to remind myself when I am at work about what I'm going to eat when I get home (dinner-wise).  Actually, it just occurred to me, I stay up later since I'm not working, and that is prime snacking time (or wine time).  When I work, I go to bed at 9 or 9:30, now I'm going to bed closer to 11 and my defenses go down in the evening (especially for popcorn and wine).

So that's about it for me.  Damian is a sophomore this year, and his 16th birthday is in 2 weeks (ouch).  His first football game is Monday (J.V. - Varsity plays tonight), and he is loving it.  I'm so glad he is playing, and I think he's glad I talked him into it.  =)

Oh and I've spent substantial time trying to get caught up on everyone's blogs.  I went from close to 150 unread ones to only 38, but I haven't read any yesterday or today, so I'm sure it's back up to at least 50-75 again.  (I read too many blogs, but I am such a voyeur that I don't want to delete any of them because I'm so interested in everyone's lives.)

I'm going to look for a marathon in the winter (do they have them at that time?) or maybe early next spring, and hope I can start training for one again.  I haven't given up that goal, just put it on hold for a little while.  It's very humorous to me to think that has become a goal.  2 years ago I said 26.2 miles was crazy and now I'm bummed that I can't do it.  (That link I just put is kind of a funny post looking back at what I've done since I wrote it.)  =)

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Being on Chris's schedule means my week just started (today is his "Monday").  Next weekend I am going to Leavenworth with my sister.  We started a girls weekend a couple years and I love it.  We went to Leavenworth the first year we went, but Nancy suggested doing a wine tour this time, so we were going to do that.  However, the tour is full for the weekend we can go, so I was looking at other things and it turns out there is a wine walk that weekend, and it's much cheaper.  So, while we won't be able to ride in a limo, we'll still be able to taste some wine and have a lot of fun. =) (Nancy doesn't even care for wine much, but she wants to, so she branches out into white wine sometimes, which is what I started with {white wine is the gateway wine lol}.  I always bring a bottle to family stuff now so that she has some, it would be awesome to have that with her too.) 

I forgot to mention I have an interview on Monday.  So keep your fingers crossed.  =)

Since I'm a firm believer in pictures, I'll leave you with a one or twelve.  =)

My lunch yesterday (with a hardboiled egg that I had already eaten) I totally ruined that good eating by then having pizza to watch the Seahawks season opener.  (Go HAWKS!)  Oh, and that's a homegrown cucumber (but I forgot to buy cauliflower seeds, so that is not).
 Maddox's nap yesterday.  He naps better on the couch, so we've been doing that lately.  Maddox with nap is way, way better than Maddox without nap.
 He loves puzzles, that one he's playing with I got from my Mom, it was mine and my sisters' when we were kids and definitely has a 1950's or 1960's feel to it, so I wonder if it was hers when she was young.
 Maddox also loves the park, although this is what he did for almost the entire time we were at this particular park.
And he loves to hang.  Especially after watching American Ninja Warrior, he hangs on everything.

I should include at least one picture of Damian.  This was after football practice, they had to army crawl in some sand somewhere.  He was filthy.  =)