Wednesday, August 15, 2012


There is something about knowing you can't have something that makes you want it even more.  I quit watching what I was eating so much about a month ago and have been eating whatever junk I wanted.  It wasn't a ton of junk, but I wasn't telling myself to stop eating, eat less, or you can't have that chocolate bar.  This week I have really tried to contain myself again and it is HARD. 

All I can think about is what I can I eat?  There is a person that works in my building that always has a candy bowl, good candies, like mini butterfingers, or tootsie rolls, or just about anything, and I haven't really visited it much the last few months, but suddenly yesterday, that was all I could think about.  I want some candy. 

Tuesday I did really well on my eating and then guess what, after dinner I ate a bunch of crap.  Not even because I was hungry, just because I couldn't stop thinking about having something else.  I haven't kept snack food in my house for a long, long time (longer than my wanting to lose weight) but with a baby that is constantly hungry, I have started keeping crackers or cookies for him to snack on.  And I WANT IT! 

Yesterday morning a drug rep. came in with breakfast (this happens regularly when drug companies want to sell their particular drug, and working in the mental health industry we get them a lot).  He had bagels and pastries galore, and I love all forms of pastries.  I resisted all morning, but I walked into the break room right after lunch for some water, and there was one lone bagel left.  I took it . . . HOWEVER, I put it back.  =)  One small victory for me.   

Tuesday I went running.  I did a lot of walking, but I actually ran for a good bit of the way.  It was nice.  I have been wrapping my leg with an ace bandage and it seems to be working good.  I have also been walking with a little bit of jogging with Chris now and then.  We went "wogging" yesterday evening, and my leg seems to be doing well.

When I first started running I was mentally holding myself back.  I would get to a certain spot and stop and walk because I thought I needed to.  However, my body was perfectly capable of running farther.  I just needed to get my brain on track to realize that I didn't need to stop when it said I did.  Now I feel it's the other way.  My brain says "keep going, you can do it" but my leg says "no you should stop so I don't hurt more." 

Actually, both voices might be my brain.  My brain is saying to stop because I don't want to have to stop running for another 2 weeks.  So who knows, maybe my body is able, and my brain is holding me back.  I just really don't want to hurt myself worse. 

Today I'm going to run by myself.  I'm looking forward to it.  I have noticed on my "wogs" with Chris that after the first 10 or 15 min, my leg feels really, really good.  No soreness at all.  And in fact, when I take the bandage off at home my leg doesn't hurt at all.  I have no soreness at all.  Sometimes when I am running, but nothing like before.  I think I will continue with the bandage but up my running a little.  Like I said before, though, I am really scared to hurt myself again.  

I have also been doing "Just Dance 3" on the Xbox Kinnect.  I think it's a lot of fun, and I seem to be getting a good workout in.  My back has been really sore (muscle sore) the last few days.  =)  Who knew playing a game could be so much exercise.  =) 

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