Currently I am sitting at my family's lake house in eastern WA watching the ducks play in the lake. It hasn't been as nice weather-wise as it was a yer ago, which has been very sad. We came here to enjoy the hot weather and float in the lake, and sadly it's been cloudy and raining and not very warm.
Today is the first morning I've woken up and seen sun on the lake.
It has made for some pretty spectacular sunsets though.
Today my parents are coming up and bringing their boat. I'm conflicted about this, because it's supposed to be the nicest day so far (each day has progressively gotten better, but today is supposed to be sunny, instead of "partly cloudy") and I'd really like a day to float on the lake. Plus, while I love my parents, they are not drinkers, and I always feel like I need to either not drink around them, or hide it. I've mostly grown out of that feeling, but there is always that thought in my head, "is my mom judging me for my 3rd glass of wine?" ; )
Running-wise, I'm not. I keep comparing myself to myself a year ago. A year ago I was training for a marathon and on this trip I did a 10 mile run in unfamiliar territory, got almost attacked by a dog (probably my scariest run ever) and was at my most physically fit since high school, maybe even ever. (If you check out that link, look at my face, it's so skinny compared to now, that was a hard post to look at with my stupid comparative issues I'm going through now. Oh, and I miss my long hair.) I was also the smallest I've ever been (even in high school), wearing a size 6 (something I've never worn before). This year, I'm back up to at least 7 lbs (which I know isn't a lot, but it feels like a lot) I'm pushing a size 10, and just generally feeling bad about myself. It's hard, I know that I'm not fat, I know that it's temporary, but it's the thoughts in my head and the frustrations of not being able to run regularly.
Here are some comparison photos, maybe not a good thing to post given my current thoughts about my weight.
I really am trying to tell myself it's temporary, let my ankle heal properly and I'll be able to run again, and hopefully fit the size 6 pair of pants I had to put in my closet.
While I'm here I'm swimming. I'm forcing myself to go do "laps" 2 times a day for 30 min each. I am enjoying the exercise, but it's hard. I used to love swimming. We had a pool in our backyard growing up and I was swimming almost daily, but now, I just miss running. Plus, swimming is hard work. I can't breathe properly, and I'm seriously scared of open water. I hate seaweed, and not knowing what's under me. It really, really freaks me out. So much so that when I'm tubing on my parents' boat I have to practice breathing exercises when I fall off the tube so I don't have a panic attack.
I'm using goggles while I swim, so that has helped a lot with my irrational fears, but I still turn around once I hit the seaweed so it doesn't touch me. (you can laugh, it's okay)
I've never used goggles before. Damian has always asked me for them and I always thought they were silly and useless. They are amazing. I don't know if I'll ever swim without them again.
I've decided I'm going to join the Y when I get home, at least for one month. My ankle seems to be doing okay with the swimming, and I can do spin classes and swim. This means I'm gonna have to buy some goggles (the ones I'm wearing here aren't mine) and a one piece suit. In good news, my upper body and back will be super sexy. =)
I've made a rule for myself, I can't drink any alcohol until I've swam. It is working. It was super, super hard to get in the water on Tuesday, that was the worst weather wise, it was cold and rainy, and I just didn't want to do it. But I'm getting my swims in early, once in the morning, and once in the early afternoon, or late morning.
So, what happened to my race a month until my 40th birthday goal? Well, I planned to do a race on July 30th. I didn't preregister, because in true Cathy fashion, I waited for the last min and the price went up anyway, so I decided just to do day of race registration. I noticed that all of the July races were on the 4th of July, but I wanted to wait as long as possible to let my ankle heal. The only one I could find after the 4th was one in Ferndale (about 45 miles north of me). It was the Old Settlers 5k. Well, I got there and they had canceled it, the night before, and not posted it anywhere (I looked at the website before leaving home for the address).
I had told Chris' old roommate and friend, who lives in Ferndale, that I was going to run that race and he said he might join me. I text him when I found out it was canceled and he asked if I wanted to run with him anyway. I said sure, so we met up and went for a run. The route we took was 4 miles, and I seriously about died. I had told him that I hadn't run in a while and needed to go slow. He said he was fine with that because he had run the Ragnar a few weeks before and was still recovering, plus, he had his son with him and was going to push him.
I've run with him once before, a year ago, and he says one speed, but is ultimately faster. We started out at a good pace, 10 min/mile, and then at mile 2.5 he was going 9:20 min/mile. I was dying and told him I needed to slow down but he could go ahead. I think I finished at 11 min/mile, or so.
So my question is, can I count that run as my July race? It wasn't my fault the race was canceled and I still ran. Plus, I stopped mapmyrun at 3.16 miles to pretend that it was a 5k. . . I feel like I can count it. So I think I'll add it to my ticker (that doesn't seem like the right word) on the side.
So I'm going to leave you with a couple pictures from our trip. =) Maddox is adorable, by the way.
|He was ready to go!|