Thursday, December 1, 2016

Just call me a gymrat

My last run was Sunday.  It's been awhile since I've skipped a run on purpose, where I didn't have a legitimate reason, but I did this week.  Well, I suppose my reason was legitimate, but not because I had other plans.

I worked out 11 days in a row.  I ran 4 days in a row, Thursday through Sunday, last week, which made 5 days of running last week, and went to the gym the other days.  Some days, I go to the gym and also run.  Anyway, yesterday was my first complete rest day, where I didn't run or go to the gym. And actually, I would have ran if I didn't have a hair appointment.

So the reason I skipped a run?  Well, I normally run on Tuesdays, and this Tuesday I didn't because I was so tired.  Maddox woke up at 3:20am complaining of an earache, and even though he dozed off and on for the rest of the night, I didn't get back to sleep until about 10 min before my alarm went off at 4:30am.  So by the time I got home on Tuesday, I was pretty exhausted.  Chris and Damian wanted to go out to eat, but I told them to go and I'd stay home with Maddox.  They went to a Chinese Buffet, and Maddox and I had Safeway Chinese food while watching "Good Dinosaur."  I think I got the better end of the deal.  It was a great movie, I thought.  (Maybe I was just tired though.)  And I went to bed by 8:30, I even skipped my bath, which is pretty rare for me.

I would have run Wednesday, but I had a hair appointment, and didn't even get home until 9, I ate a Luna bar (lemon, very good) and went to bed.  I do really enjoy my hair appointment days, my hairdresser is cool, and she drinks wine with me, but I often don't get dinner because I'm rushing home to go to the appointment and then get home late.  However, last night was later than normal because I got there later than normal and she did some extras on my hair, so it took longer.

The gym still scares me, especially the weights.  I am intimidated by them, but I go do them because that's my purpose for being there.  I probably don't push myself as hard as I could because I'm intimidated by them.  But it's not just the weights that intimidates me, it's the people.  Everyone I see there look like they know what they are doing.  I'm going on 3 months there, and I still feel like I have no idea.

And it's not just that they look like they know what they're doing, but it also feels like a fashion show with many of the females and a few of the males.  I have watched some of the women there stand in front of the mirror in the locker room and do their hair and touch up their makeup and then walk out and go work out.  Their outfits look like they came straight from Nike, or some other workout wear shop (I buy most of mine at Target and Walmart, so I don't know the fancy ones) and the women that are lifting weights are amazing looking.  They, for the most part, have amazing bodies, amazing butts, and just plain look good, not to mention I'd say most of them are younger than me, which may explain the amazing bodies, it's easier to get that way when you're young.

I'm there, in my running clothes, stumbling around the weights, telling myself that no one is watching, no one cares, and no one is judging me so it's just fine to go do a deadlift.  I won't look stupid, I'll look like I'm working out.  Sometimes I do it, sometimes I skip it, sometimes I leave it for last and force myself anyway (deadlifts, I finally did them this week).  Sometimes I leave it for last and walk to the locker room (bench press, I've never done one, I'm supposed to about once a week).

I also tell myself it's okay that I have makeup on, I came from work and am going back to work.  I don't have enough time to put all makeup back on afterwards.  I touch it up, comb my hair and leave, although, with the new style of my hair, it may be more time consuming.  Besides, most of the other girls have makeup on too, and perfect ponytails, and perfect bodies . . . ugh, I judge myself too harshly.

The frustrating thing about my 10+ lbs gain over the summer I from not running is that I figured it was all okay because once I started running, I'd lose it quickly.  I hovered around 145 for so long, I figured my body would want to go back to that again.  But it doesn't seem to be doing that, and I am working out more than I have before.  I'm not running the distances I ran a little over a year ago, but that is increasing, and I'm going to the gym 3-4 times a week.  Then I tell myself, well, maybe my fat is disappearing but my muscles are increasing, but I'm not noticing a difference in my pants.  I still can't get my size 6 pants on.

I'm sure it's my food.  I've never been good at monitoring, or restricting what I eat.  The last time I weighed 155 (two and a half years ago) I was going down, and was happy with it, now I'm annoyed that it won't go away.  So, is that peppermint white chocolate mocha worth it in the afternoon?  It wins more often than not.


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