Tulip Virtual Scholarship Run

I don't have much to chat about today.  I'm still working at home, I'm still running.  I heard on the news that Washington currently has one of the strictest stay at home orders on the west coast.  I think most other states are opening some things, but WA only reopened fishing, hunting, and golfing.  I don't actually know how New York is doing at the moment, we stopped watching so much news.  We were watching it a lot for awhile.  I think that there was so much new stuff happening daily that we didn't want to miss it, but they have backed off on reporting 100% on the virus, and have started adding other things to the mix (which is good) but we don't watch much news regularly.  Plus, it really was filling our every waking thought, so it's good to back off.

Next week is my Dad's birthday and I've had the thought for awhile now that I'd like to go camping in his yard.  It would be a fun surprise, but I'm not really sure.  It's still a little chilly for camping, although eastern WA is much warmer than western WA, but it's still getting down to the 40's at night.  Although, that's not that much cooler than summer nights in western WA. . .

The other concern I have about going over there is Maddox and my nephew.  They are the same age, and my sister and her son are at my Dad's house every day.  So telling them that they can't play would be very, very hard.  I did wonder if I brought masks, if that would be sufficient, but I'm not sure.  I know that the virus spread has gotten much lower, but I am far away from believing it's gone.  I also believe that if we're not careful there will be another wave of it, and I definitely don't want that. 

I did sign up and do a virtual run.  It's a run that I have done every year except 2 (2013 and 2019) since I started running eight years ago, The Tulip Run.  They canceled it this year, but changed it to a virtual run to benefit the high school seniors in this area.  My understanding is that all the proceeds, other than the cost of mailing bibs, and other (hopefully minor) costs, are going to support the seniors in high school.  Last year they changed the run from a 5 mile run to a 10k and I didn't run it.  I have not been very interested in races in the last couple years. 

Historically, I've done pretty well with placing in my age group for this run.  In 2014 and 2016 I got 1st place for my age group and in 2018 I got 2nd place (out of 3 😊) in my age.  My PR (for the 5 miles) is 42.12.  This year I ran 6.26 miles in 1.01.06. 

I won't know "results" until May 9 (that's the time frame they gave to finish the run).  But I wasn't aiming for a medal or a placement, I just thought it would be nice to support my community however I can.  I actually hadn't been planning on running it this year anyway, but saw a post that it was changed to a virtual run.  I guess this way I have a new distance to try to PR.  I've only run  10ks, and my PR for that distance is 54.12, so pretty doubtful that I'll get a new PR anytime soon.  I've been pretty slow lately.  In fact, my min/mile is a full min slower than my 10k PR.

Please don't take offense

Last week I reserved a campsite for San Juan County park on San Juan Island.  We've camped there many, many times.  Although I think the last time was 3 years ago when we went so that I could run the San Juan half marathon.  After I reserved the campsite I thought about my run streak. . . I ran on those roads for the San Juan half, and they are hilly!  I do not know how running is going to happen while we are there.  It may be 3 days of 1 mile runs (I could probably run the morning of the day we leave before work, and then after we get home the day we get back.)  Anyway, we shall see.

The first year and the last year we were there.

On Sunday night I couldn't get to sleep.  I was awake until 1:30am or so.  At one point I got up to do something, I don't know, use the bathroom, get a drink, throw a pillow at a cat that was yowling . . . I don't remember, and I smashed my little toe on a fan that was on the floor.  It hurt so bad.  I was laying there and wondering if it was bleeding, so I felt it (in the dark) and my finger didn't come back with blood.  Well, it was definitely bleeding, my pj's had blood on them in weird spots (I think from using the bathroom and pulling down my pants) and it hurts!  My run yesterday was short and slow because my toe hurt so bad.

This picture was from yesterday, and isn't a very good representation, but it's pretty bad.

**I am going to rant.  I mean no disrespect to anyone, especially healthcare workers, but I have a rant.
We have been told to keep 6 feet apart.  We are told we can exercise, but stay away from others.  And I read a really interesting article about not exercising close to others.  Basically it says that when moving, that 6 foot rule isn't enough.  I'm going to use running as my example, if I am running and I catch up with someone who is also moving, they are leaving a "trail" of their germs behind them.  The droplets of "germs" stay in the air for an amount of time that I don't remember, but because they are moving their germs stay afloat in one place, while they continue to move, so 6 feet isn't enough.  This distance increases with speed, so a runner's germs are staying up as they move away, and I could be 12 feet ahead before my germs completely drop, same with a biker, their germs could be in the air after they are 20 feet away.  It doesn't mean that the germs stay in the air longer, but the person is moving away from their germs.  Does that make sense?  It is also true with wind, if the wind is blowing one way, it is blowing those germs that way, so a moderate wind could make your germs be 10 feet way from where you are standing.  (To be fair, I recently also saw that this article may not be completely accurate, but I still think it makes sense.)

So . . . when I run I have been avoiding people.  After I read this article I decided I needed to keep my distance even farther than I was before and not move in front of people as quickly as I was.  Obviously other people have not read this article, or have thought about it.  I was actually wondering about this very thing before I read the article.

Anyway, I run almost everyday next to the hospital.  I am not sure if it's because I run earlier than normal, or if people need more breaks, but I see a lot of healthcare workers walking when I'm in the neighborhoods closest to the hospital.  They do not practice social distancing from me.  In fact, they rarely even move over on the sidewalk.  Normally I would run straight at them (especially if there is more than one person walking, and there usually is) until they moved over, but with the virus, I'm not willing to do that.  But I'm tired of seeing these people cut in front of me, and I mean within a foot of me or less, or walk straight at me without moving over.

I don't know if it's because they work in the hospital and can't *really* practice social distancing, or they just are so oblivious that they don't know they are doing it.  I'm tired of it.  I know that just because they work in a small town hospital they aren't exposed to it all the time, but they are likely more exposed than I am in my everyday life.  I would think they would be even more aware of their space than the average person.  But they really don't appear to be.  I am not talking about once or twice, or one or two people, I'm talking every day I run (literally 🤣) into this behavior on my run, by more than one group of people.  Please!  Move over!  Don't cut in front of me!

contemplations

I am sitting here in my garage office, listening to Maddox do his school work in the house and the birds chirping outside.  It is such nice weather right now.  This week has been in the mid and upper 60's and yesterday it hit 70.  Today it's supposed to be a bit cooler, but still nice.  The nice weather is wonderful.  I even have the back door to the garage open (although my heater is on high and I have a heated blanket on my legs). 

I have been thinking today about a marathon.  I talked about it at the beginning of March but then this virus stuff hit and I forgot.  I guess "forgot" isn't the right word, I just didn't think about it again until yesterday.  When the days are like today, and I'm stuck inside, it makes me want to go run.  And then when it's time to go run, I don't want to.  It's annoying. 

Anyway, I was thinking about it yesterday, but my old training plans are at work (where I am not), so last night in one of those half asleep idea phases, I thought, I can get on my blog and find out when I started training and then look at MapMyRun for how far, etc.  Well, as often happens when I look at old posts on my blog, I get sucked into reading different posts. 

*sidenote * A few months ago I changed my format because my old one was . . . well, old.  But I'm not liking this new one.  I like the look, but there are features that are gone, like going to the next or older posts, and a few other things, that I just can't put my finger on.  However, I'm lazy so haven't changed it again.  What do you (5 people that read this) think?  Is it annoying for you too?  I don't look at it very often, so don't actually care much. 

Anyway, marathon training.  Reading old posts, looking at old pictures of me motivates me more than almost anything else.  I want to be back to that person, looking like that person, and feeling like that person.  It's just when I am sitting on the couch in the evening, it's so easy to go get a snack (I have so many right now).  If I am going to do the Cascade Express marathon that I talked about in March, then I need to start training in a few weeks.  Although, my normal week of running is higher mileage than week 1 and 2 of marathon training.

Maybe that is just what I need to do, look at old posts more often, look at old pictures when I feel like eating.  I wish I had a way to print out a picture and put it on the mirror (or the fridge might be better).  Seriously, I have had more motivation this week than I have in awhile since I posted a few days ago about lacking motivation.  I would not say I've been great, but I am lower in weight than I was last week, and back to my April 1st weight (which is higher than my March 1st weight).  I will say, my biggest issue is wine.  I did drink less last week and this week compared to the first couple weeks of staying home.

Oh . . . that brings up a rant I have (or maybe two).  The whole media thing of "stay inside" drives me crazy.  I agree, we should definitely social distance, limit going out to places, but I do not have to "stay inside."  In fact, that is the worst thing to be telling people.  My dad is the perfect example, he is rebelling against this staying home thing because he "refuses to be locked inside all day."  I understand that he is pretty isolated on his farm, but the idea that he can't do anything is driving him nuts and is causing him to make unsafe choices. 

Please, go outside!  Enjoy the weather (if it's nice where you are).  Go for a walk.  Go for a run.  Do yard work, enjoy a fire.  Just stay away from others that are not in your immediate family.  In fact, last week my sister came up to visit us.  Her and her husband sat on one end of my yard and we sat on the other end, and we had a great visit.  But we did not get close to each other.  I wish I had a picture to share, but I didn't take one.  :-( 

A non-day

Does anyone know what day it is?  At least I have work to fill my Monday-Friday.  But I didn't do a lot of work on Friday and it ended up feeling like Saturday.  Then Saturday was Sunday and yesterday was a non-day.  Seriously, have you ever had a non-day?  Well, that was yesterday.  I know it was Easter, but we couldn't go anywhere, and we didn't have an "Easter dinner."  In fact, I was outside for about an hour and then went inside and was there, on the couch, the rest of the day.  I did nothing, and nothing happened . . . a non-day.

Saturday was actually pretty busy.  We did a lot of yard work, I got all my flowers planted, so my yard looks nice.  My front yard looks great, Chris has been doing a lot of work in the front.  The backyard needs a lot of work, but I am inside . . .

I have been using my "garage office" and that is nice to get away from everyone, but it's a garage, not insulated and dark because the light doesn't work.  I have a lamp, and a door that I currently have open, but it's a little chilly.  I need to stop complaining, I have it pretty good.  I have work, I have food, I have a place to live (and work), and it's sunny.  There are people that have it much worse than me.  (I was going to add "right now" but thought about it, I have it pretty good always, there are always people that have less than me.  I know this, I work with them.)

I am not as depressed as I was 2 Saturdays ago.  I'm feeling better, the sun really does help.  But I am tired of being home all the time.

I was reading one of my favorite bloggers this morning, Katie at Runs for Cookies.  She has been struggling with her weight recently and so she decided to make short term goals.  Something she can follow for just 3 days and then reset or do something different.  I thought "what a great idea."  And then I started writing down some goals for me to follow for three days.  I even got out some paper and special markers I bought for Maddox for projects with the intent to put up on the wall in my "office" area.  I got 2 goals in, totally doable goals, and suddenly thought, "I don't want to do this.  I won't follow this."  So I stopped.  And it's true.  I don't do well with goals, not like that anyway.  Goals don't motivate me at all.

You know what motivates me?

.

.

.

If you figure it out, can you let me know??   🤣

Actually, what helped last week was looking in the mirror and being disgusted with my face.  I do not think I am fat, I am bigger than I would like to be, and bigger than I think looks best on me, but I'm not "fat."  I notice it so much in my face and my collar bone.  I've shared pictures before, and they don't really look that much different, but I see it.  I see it when I look.

2015

Right now

There is a difference in my face and definitely in my collar bone, it's not as defined.  The first picture I was at my very lowest adult weight, almost 20 lbs lighter than I am right now.  My "average" weight is only 10 lbs lighter than I am right now, but I love how I looked during training for and after my first marathon in 2015.  I really, really want to go back to that.  It's been 4 years (since I sprained my ankle and gained some weight back) and I'm still struggling.

So I guess what I need is a mirror.  I don't have a printer, I can't go print pictures of me in 2015, and pictures of me now, so I need a mirror.  😊  See, looking at those two pictures actually does motivate me.  It's me, but two different versions (one with makeup and hair done, and one in my garage with almost 7 weeks of grow out on my roots and no makeup 😉).  But seriously, one was me eating healthy (well, healthier) and exercising 4 times a week, and the second me is not so healthy eating, and exercising (at least a mile) 7 days a week.  

They say to start where you're at, but it's so hard when you were already at and past that spot before.  Quit complaining, Cathy.  Others have it worse than you.  

Anxiety and depression have set in

I've been home for almost three weeks.  I have gone grocery shopping 3 times, and I've gone to work 3 times.  The first week of staying home was actually kinda nice.  Maddox and I were home together, we did our work next to each other, and we did great.  It was quiet and calm.  Chris and Damian were still working and I was enjoying my time with Maddox, alone. 

The second week, Chris came home, no more work.  That Monday was the worst day for work, I had all 4 of my family members in the same room where I was supposed to be working.  The TV was on, Asher was bouncing away in his bouncer toy, Maddox was distracted.  I was so frustrated.  However, the next day Damian went back to work, Asher went to his Mom's, and the house was quite a bit quieter.  Chris found a couple projects, so I was able to work and help Maddox with school. 

The third week was similar to the second week (although Damian didn't have Asher on Monday, but he got him back on Tuesday and Chris was babysitting).  Then Damian was "furloughed" on Thursday.  I decided I needed my own work space.  I am supposed to be working, I am the only one in the family that still has a job so I cannot be responsible for Maddox getting his school work done as well.  So I started working a garage office, but I was overwhelmed, and am getting a bit depressed, so I stopped, I went and laid down for awhile.  (Yes, I was supposed to be working.)  Chris and Damian finished my garage office, and it's very nice.  I was able to go in there for the second half of the day, but I was pretty lazy work-wise. 

Are there others out there struggling with working at home?  Are you getting actual work done?  I feel pressured to work, but it's so hard, and I'm rather jealous of those that are not having to work during this time.  I have visions of doing stuff in my house, or craft projects with Maddox, or planting flowers outside.  I don't want to work while my whole family is not.  On the other hand, I'm bored.  I haven't seen my sister for 3 weeks.  My dad was supposed to come over here in March.  I wanted to go see him at some point too.  And I can't. . . .  I have low level anxiety at all times, worried about my family (especially my dad) and so angry at the people that won't stay home, or at least won't stay away from others.  I'm going on 4 weeks of being at home, and it will only last longer if these other idiots won't stay home.  I'm depressed.  It started on Friday. 

The weather is supposed to get nicer this week, which will really help.  The first week of staying home, the weather was super sunny and nice.  And now we've had 2 weeks of rain and cloudiness.  Although, sun will make me want to be outside, and I really won't get work done.

I'm also drinking more, and eating more.  At the end of February I was starting to lose weight again, and the beginning of March looked promising.  But as of the 1st of April, it's all gone, I'm up and I'm frustrated.  I'm the one doing the grocery shopping, and yet I continue to bring home snacky foods "for my family" but guess who's eating them?  I log most of it, but I'm snacking so much that I forget what I ate.  If I'm stuck in my house another month (and Washington did extend it's stay at home order to May 4th, so I am), I'm going to be huge.  I'm going to lose all the work I have done in the last 8 years.  I'll lose it in 2 months . . .

Don't get me wrong, I'm still running, but obviously that is not enough.  I am on day 522. 

Stay at Home, Stay Healthy

Washington has issued "Stay Home, Stay Healthy" orders, which is a very wishy-washy way of issuing a shelter in place order.  When WA closed the schools, March 17th was my son's last day, my work allowed us to start working from home.  They were actually encouraging it the week before, but once the schools were closed, my office pretty much told us to go home and do what we can from home. 

I work with mentally ill adults, so I am also considered an "essential employee" but thankfully I can do most of my work at home.  I also work with two separate municipal courts (municipal is the city, I didn't know that before I started my current job), and when court is in session for my clients I am supposed to be there.  So even though I was told to work from home, it was understood that once a week I would have to venture out and go to court.  Well, early last week one of my courts canceled all my court hearings until May 5th and then last Friday the second court canceled all my hearings until May as well.  So, I truly am a shut in now. Well, not really, I still go grocery shopping, and I do go for my daily runs outside.  So far WA's governor has encouraged outdoor exercise as long as we are maintaining 6 feet from others.

My treadmill remade as a standing desk.  The desk is
a leaf from my dining table. 

Yesterday I had to go to my office.  Two of my program's participants were scheduled to graduate this last Tuesday and sadly because of this stupid virus, they are not going to get any sort of celebration or acknowledgement in court that they completed the program.  I wanted them to still get some recognition, so I bought them gift cards to mail to them.  That meant I had to venture out to my office and then to a store to get the cards.  I ended up going to three different stores because I couldn't find what I wanted.  And let me tell you, people do not follow this stay at home order.  I was so disappointed at Walmart, there were so many people there, and not just in the grocery section, but throughout the store.  Target was amazing.  They had lines on the ground that people were actually abiding by, had every other register closed and the clerk wiped everything down before letting me come to the register.  I was very impressed.  Walmart and Safeway (a grocery store, I don't know if it's a national chain) were not so great. 

Maddox has been "homeschooling" since March 19th.  I have been very impressed with the Mt. Vernon's system.  The governor ordered on a Friday for the schools to close the following Tuesday.  Over the weekend, Maddox's school set up an online classroom, got together all the ridiculous amounts of websites that he uses on at school with his usernames and passwords.  His teacher sent home a mass amount of books at Maddox's reading level (he's at a lower reading level than his peers) and she puts out a new video everyday with the days suggested assignments and one of the teachers at the school reads a book.  It is very impressive how they got this all set up in a short amount of time.  We've had 4 video chats with his teacher in the last 2 weeks.  I'm just very, very impressed. 

Just going to say sorry now

Life has gotten crazy.  Literally, crazy.  Maybe I should reword that, the world has gone crazy.  I haven't posted anything since the beginning of March, and wow! the world blew up. 

I watch local news. , he I don't watch a lot of it, usually just what's on in the morning as I'm sitting on my couch for 10 min before having to go get Maddox up.  If I'm lucky I'll get to watch something in the evening, but I'm not very lucky usually.  Plus, prior to last week there was mostly just political stuff on my news so my biggest concern was who I was going to vote for in the presidential primaries. 

And then suddenly I started seeing jokes about the coronavirus on my facebook feed.  I'm sure you all saw them, the ones talking about the beer.  And then there was a case in Washington, in Everett, WA, where I work.  Then suddenly a Life Care Center (there's a lot of those around here) had an outbreak and suddenly it's serious and people are dying.  But still everyone talked about the mild flu that it was, and if you weren't old you'd be fine.  I joke about being old, but I'm not really.  And then I started hearing about Wuhan (I know, I know, that was a big thing long before but I didn't pay attention to national or world news). 

And then last week, it really got crazy.  The governor of WA closed schools in 3 counties (honestly I didn't understand why he didn't do it for all of WA), then 2 days later all of WA schools closed.  And then . . . bars, restaurants and entertainments sites, and I think you all know the rest.  It literally seems like things change from hour to hour. 

I seriously have immersed myself in the COVID-19 stats and updates for about a week now.  And it's scary.  It's not scary for me, but it's scary for my Dad, it's scary for Chris, it's scary for my brother-in-law, these are people I am very, very close to.  My Dad was going to come over in March to watch Maddox play soccer (which is now canceled).  My sister, who just moved from N. Carolina, was going to come over with her son for Spring Break.  Now, I don't want them anywhere near me.  My sister would likely be fine, she's not super healthy, but I don't think she falls under any of the high risk factors, but what if she or my nephew carry the disease back to my Dad.  Right now he's kinda automatically quarantined, just due to where he lives, but it could be brought to him.  If my Dad contracted COVID-19, he would likely die. 

And now I'm not sleeping.  I went to bed at 9(ish) last night and was awake at 11:45, I didn't start dozing off again until 3:45 (my alarm goes off at 4:30).  I need to distance myself a little from this.  I don't want to be in the dark about it, but I can't constantly be searching the news for the latest update.  Last night I HAD to turn off the news.  Chris and I watched a show instead. 

Skagit County, where I live, has very few confirmed cases right now.  But I work in Snohomish county, which is considered one of the high risk counties in WA, it's right next to King county, which is where Seattle is.  I could easily carry this invisible bug home.  Sadly, part of my job requires me to be at work.  I work in a therapeutic court, and I have court every week.  Thankfully the rest of the week I can be at home.

Okay, okay, enough doom and gloom for a minute.  I did get my very first tattoo refreshed.  I have hated this tattoo for years, but because it's on my back, I don't see it.  Well, I finally bit the bullet and got it fixed.  It's prettier now. 

And I've kept my runstreak.  Today will be day 503.

And that's all I can talk about good things right now.  Stay safe.  Wash your hands.  Avoid people.  And be kind.

Oh, and don't carry this nastiness to someone who may have health problems that you don't.  You may be fine, but they may not be.

#runstreak day 489

Still here, still plugging away.  School, work, running, mom, grandma, that is my life.  We had some big drama in our house right after we got back from our family trip a few weeks ago.  Needless to say, Damian is living with us again, and he has Asher every other week for a week.  Unfortunately, this all happened a week before Damian started a new job, so he's waiting to actively look for a new place until he has settled into his job and has his income figured out.

I am running.  I run everyday.  I'm not doing a lot on my treadmill, mostly because I hate treadmills so much.  It's a love/hate relationship.  I love the option when the weather sucks, or if I'm only running a mile (especially at 4am), but I hate the monotony of the treadmill.  Plus, it's hot, and the scenery (my living room) sucks.

I have been contemplating another marathon.  Honestly, about this time of year, I always contemplate whether I'm going to train for the Tri-Cities marathon again.  I always choose the Tri-Cities marathon because it's flat and near my parent's house.  However, last year during the Ragnar someone on my team, but in the other van, told me about a marathon that is downhill.  I couldn't remember the name, but remembered that it's always on the weekend that I normally do the wine walk with my sister.  (I was going to link last year's wine walk, but I don't think I posted about it.  I've gotten really bad.)  Anyway, this year my sister and her husband are going on a cruise to Hawaii and will be gone that weekend, so it may be the only year I'm able to do it.  I googled it, and found it.  It's the Cascade Express Marathon.  And it really does look spectacular . . . well, except it's on a gravel trail the whole way (running on gravel sucks). 

I'm stuck on whether I should do it or not.  It literally is the only year in the foreseeable future that I'll be able to (if I have to choose between running a marathon or marathon wine drinking, well, I'll always choose the wine).  On the otherhand, 26.2 miles is not my favorite distance, I much prefer the half marathon distance, and training is a lot of work.  Plus, I would have to run hills, mostly because I'd have to get my legs prepared for the downhill, and I'd have to find some gravel roads to run on.  My dad lives on a gravel road, but he lives in eastern WA, and I'm not going to go to his house every weekend over the summer to train for a marathon.  I could go over once a month (maybe, the summers always feel so busy) and run on his gravel roads . . . plus, his roads are very hilly.

In 2015 when I ran my first marathon I gave myself 20 weeks to train, which means I'd have to start training at the end of April.  So I suppose that means I need to figure it out.  Although, the first month or so of training is pretty much what I am doing now.  In fact, in 2015, my first month of training I "only" ran 60 miles, right now I am pretty close to 80 miles a month.  Plus, I can always start training and decide not to do it.  I did that last year, and in 2016.  (Well, 2016 I did one training run and sprained my ankle.)

The more I talk about it, the more I look at my calendars from my previous trainings, the more I think I'll do it.  Like I said, I can always start training and then decide not to do it.  (I love that I have my training calendars from my two previous marathons.)  I will have to decide which training plan to do.  I would love a PR, and once upon a time I had a goal of getting a BQ (Boston Qualifier) and this is the perfect race for that, but I don't know if I'm that motivated anymore. 

Family vacation 2020

My trip with my family went very well.  I enjoyed the time with my family, we didn't actually do a lot, for several reasons.  One, Battle Ground, where we went, is small with nothing to do. And two, my family are not active.  I have one sister that swims (the one I'm close to) and the rest don't do anything.  Oh, and three, my dad's health is not good.

The first day we went to second hand shops, which is really all we do.  I love doing it, but never do outside of this yearly trip.

On Sunday we went to visit Chris's family, whose aunt and uncle live in Battle Ground, and had lunch.  (I have no pictures.)  (If you are looking for a place to eat in Battle Ground, go to the Cervaza Factory, it was amazing.)  After we got done with lunch, we headed to Multnomah Falls which is about an hour south in Oregon.  I haven't been there in years, and I've never been to the top, so I wanted to go.  Sadly, I didn't make it.  It doesn't help that it started hailing halfway up (it didn't last very long).  I kept going, but turned around not very far past the last bridge. 

 It was ridiculously busy and Damian couldn't find parking, so we had to go to the next little pull out/hiking area and had to walk/hike to the falls where my family was.  But we had a good little hike.

Damian turned around when it started hailing, because of Asher, Chris turned around at the bridge, and Maddox and I turned around a little later.

After Multinomah Falls we went to Crown Point, which was not very far away and had a gorgeous view of the Columbia River.

We hung out at the house in the evenings playing games and we left on Monday. 

Four generations

We did not talk about my Mom at all.  I thought about her, but it was a topic that we avoided.  I think that none of us wanted to cry.  My goal was to have a good time, which I did.

I miss her

I was doing so well at posting regularly, and then . . . life. 

My biggest problem is that I lead a very boring life.  I do nothing super interesting and I spend my time at work, doing school work, and running (oh, don't forget the wine).  I'm super tired of my job, but I keep it because I have a lot of freedom and am able to do some schoolwork while at work, which makes my evenings nicer. 

This weekend my family is going to Battle Ground, WA (there's nothing there, but that's where my Dad found a house).  We have been doing a trip for many, many years on President's Day weekend.  We didn't do it last year because we decided to go camping in the summer (and then we ended up on a cruise), and we didn't do it in 2018 because we did go camping (although my Mom was in the hospital during this particular weekend, so we wouldn't have been able to go anyway).  Anyway, that means that this weekend is the first time we have not done this type of trip without my Mom, which I am finding very difficult to think about. 

I thought I was done with firsts without her, but apparently not. I miss her.  Ive shared all these pictures before, but these are all within the last year of her life.  You would not expect that less than a year later she'd be gone.

 She couldn't stand on the paddle board because her balance was so off, but she really wanted to do it.

 The insane inflatable "race" we did.

This was our last trip with my Mom

all about the weight

In 2019 I started at my highest weight in a few years, close to 160.  I was headed to Hawaii at the end of February and I wanted to get back to the 140s where I am most comfortable (I think I'd be comfortable in the 130s, but the willpower to get there starts to wain as I get down to 145 and start thinking I look good enough, which I do.)  I was able to get down to 147 before going to Hawaii, but decided in Hawaii that I wasn't going to be good, I was going to enjoy myself, which I did.   When I came back I did pretty good at sticking to around 147-150.

My weight hovered around 150-154 for most of the year, but in the fall it started going up again.  And I was at 160 for my December 1st weigh in.  Thankfully I was back down to 154 January 1st, but still. . . that is not my happy place.  (Although, I really think my body likes 150-154, as that is where I've hovered for several years now.)

2020

2015

 I can see a difference in my face, but others have said they can't.  Plus, it doesn't help that 2015 picture was taken at the end of the summer and I was tan (don't forget the crazy eyes) and the 2020 picture was taken . . . well, in January.  😊  I especially see the difference in my collar bone, in 2015 it "popped" more.

So where do I really want to be?  Weight-wise I would like to be closer to where I was in 2015.  I got down to 143 (officially), 140 (unofficially).  I felt great about myself at that weight.  I liked what I saw in the mirror and I loved my size 6 pants (which I had never worn, not even in high school when I was smaller weight-wise).  The thing is, though, I don't want to give up certain things, like wine.  I didn't in 2015, but I was 4 years younger, and there really is something about getting older that makes it harder to lose.  I feel like as soon as I hit 40 my body said "nope, not gonna."

There were a couple things that happened in 2015 that contributed to my weight loss, mostly, I was marathon training.  And while I know that exercise does not completely equal weight loss (look at 2017 when I marathon trained and stayed at 150 or above), but it had a factor in my eating as well.  I had read that often people who run a marathon gain weight, and I was super determined not to gain, so I ate very healthily, except for my long run treat on Sundays (usually a donut and wine).

I always stayed in my calorie range (well, most of the time), but I didn't limit what I ate.  And I lost.  Running a lot and eating well was a very good combination for me.  And I was able to maintain it to December, where I weighed in at 142 on the first, but then after Christmas, I weighed in at 147 on January 1st. I guess, now that I've looked more, I got back to 143 pretty quickly.  And then I sprained my ankle in May.  I continued to eat like I was running, but I wasn't running and I gained weight pretty quickly.  And I decided I could eat whatever I wanted, I would get back to the weight that I was happiest at when I started running again, but I didn't.

140ish               147                    155                   163       
2015                  2014                  2013                2012       

I haven't shared a progress photo since 2015, because my weight didn't go down, it started going up.

So what's the point of this post?  I don't know.  I had decided to try something completely new.  Katie at Runsforcookies decided to try a carb intolerance test as part of MAF training (her post, which is linked, explains it so much better than I ever will).  I thought it made sense.

Plus, my sister did the 30/10 diet (which is a starvation diet and I don't recommend) and lost a bunch of weight and has kept it off for a year. (She is very careful, but does eat everything, but drinks very little.)

So between hearing about these 2 diets, I thought, I would rather do the MAF carb intolerance test because it's only 2 weeks long and I don't have to buy that plan.  Then you go to a low carb way of eating afterwards.  I have been kinda waiting to start this "test" till this week because I was going to my sisters house where my brother-in-law was going to make this on Tuesday when I was at their house.

However, with the snow, I didn't go.  So now I either have to wait till next week, or tell them I can't eat it (doesn't that look fabulous??).

But . . . I've cut back on my carbs last week and this week, and have been trying to eat better.  So I may not do any crazy "diet" fad.

I will say that I like the idea of the MAF training, it's more than a weightloss thing, it's about training your body to burn fat rather than the carbs you ate while you run, hence the carb detox at the beginning.  It also is running according to heartrate, not pace, in order to get faster.  The idea is that as you train your body to burn fat, and run at your MAF heartrate, your body gets more efficient at running, so you run faster.  It's a long term process, the carb intolerance test is 2 weeks, but the low carb diet and heartrate training are permanent, and they say you have to give yourself at least 3 months to see a difference.

Even as I type that, I'm back to thinking I want to try it.  I don't know.