A non-day

Does anyone know what day it is?  At least I have work to fill my Monday-Friday.  But I didn't do a lot of work on Friday and it ended up feeling like Saturday.  Then Saturday was Sunday and yesterday was a non-day.  Seriously, have you ever had a non-day?  Well, that was yesterday.  I know it was Easter, but we couldn't go anywhere, and we didn't have an "Easter dinner."  In fact, I was outside for about an hour and then went inside and was there, on the couch, the rest of the day.  I did nothing, and nothing happened . . . a non-day.

Saturday was actually pretty busy.  We did a lot of yard work, I got all my flowers planted, so my yard looks nice.  My front yard looks great, Chris has been doing a lot of work in the front.  The backyard needs a lot of work, but I am inside . . .

I have been using my "garage office" and that is nice to get away from everyone, but it's a garage, not insulated and dark because the light doesn't work.  I have a lamp, and a door that I currently have open, but it's a little chilly.  I need to stop complaining, I have it pretty good.  I have work, I have food, I have a place to live (and work), and it's sunny.  There are people that have it much worse than me.  (I was going to add "right now" but thought about it, I have it pretty good always, there are always people that have less than me.  I know this, I work with them.)

I am not as depressed as I was 2 Saturdays ago.  I'm feeling better, the sun really does help.  But I am tired of being home all the time.

I was reading one of my favorite bloggers this morning, Katie at Runs for Cookies.  She has been struggling with her weight recently and so she decided to make short term goals.  Something she can follow for just 3 days and then reset or do something different.  I thought "what a great idea."  And then I started writing down some goals for me to follow for three days.  I even got out some paper and special markers I bought for Maddox for projects with the intent to put up on the wall in my "office" area.  I got 2 goals in, totally doable goals, and suddenly thought, "I don't want to do this.  I won't follow this."  So I stopped.  And it's true.  I don't do well with goals, not like that anyway.  Goals don't motivate me at all.

You know what motivates me?

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If you figure it out, can you let me know??   🤣

Actually, what helped last week was looking in the mirror and being disgusted with my face.  I do not think I am fat, I am bigger than I would like to be, and bigger than I think looks best on me, but I'm not "fat."  I notice it so much in my face and my collar bone.  I've shared pictures before, and they don't really look that much different, but I see it.  I see it when I look.

2015

Right now

There is a difference in my face and definitely in my collar bone, it's not as defined.  The first picture I was at my very lowest adult weight, almost 20 lbs lighter than I am right now.  My "average" weight is only 10 lbs lighter than I am right now, but I love how I looked during training for and after my first marathon in 2015.  I really, really want to go back to that.  It's been 4 years (since I sprained my ankle and gained some weight back) and I'm still struggling.

So I guess what I need is a mirror.  I don't have a printer, I can't go print pictures of me in 2015, and pictures of me now, so I need a mirror.  😊  See, looking at those two pictures actually does motivate me.  It's me, but two different versions (one with makeup and hair done, and one in my garage with almost 7 weeks of grow out on my roots and no makeup 😉).  But seriously, one was me eating healthy (well, healthier) and exercising 4 times a week, and the second me is not so healthy eating, and exercising (at least a mile) 7 days a week.  

They say to start where you're at, but it's so hard when you were already at and past that spot before.  Quit complaining, Cathy.  Others have it worse than you.