Tulip Virtual Scholarship Run

I don't have much to chat about today.  I'm still working at home, I'm still running.  I heard on the news that Washington currently has one of the strictest stay at home orders on the west coast.  I think most other states are opening some things, but WA only reopened fishing, hunting, and golfing.  I don't actually know how New York is doing at the moment, we stopped watching so much news.  We were watching it a lot for awhile.  I think that there was so much new stuff happening daily that we didn't want to miss it, but they have backed off on reporting 100% on the virus, and have started adding other things to the mix (which is good) but we don't watch much news regularly.  Plus, it really was filling our every waking thought, so it's good to back off.

Next week is my Dad's birthday and I've had the thought for awhile now that I'd like to go camping in his yard.  It would be a fun surprise, but I'm not really sure.  It's still a little chilly for camping, although eastern WA is much warmer than western WA, but it's still getting down to the 40's at night.  Although, that's not that much cooler than summer nights in western WA. . .

The other concern I have about going over there is Maddox and my nephew.  They are the same age, and my sister and her son are at my Dad's house every day.  So telling them that they can't play would be very, very hard.  I did wonder if I brought masks, if that would be sufficient, but I'm not sure.  I know that the virus spread has gotten much lower, but I am far away from believing it's gone.  I also believe that if we're not careful there will be another wave of it, and I definitely don't want that. 

I did sign up and do a virtual run.  It's a run that I have done every year except 2 (2013 and 2019) since I started running eight years ago, The Tulip Run.  They canceled it this year, but changed it to a virtual run to benefit the high school seniors in this area.  My understanding is that all the proceeds, other than the cost of mailing bibs, and other (hopefully minor) costs, are going to support the seniors in high school.  Last year they changed the run from a 5 mile run to a 10k and I didn't run it.  I have not been very interested in races in the last couple years. 

Historically, I've done pretty well with placing in my age group for this run.  In 2014 and 2016 I got 1st place for my age group and in 2018 I got 2nd place (out of 3 😊) in my age.  My PR (for the 5 miles) is 42.12.  This year I ran 6.26 miles in 1.01.06. 

I won't know "results" until May 9 (that's the time frame they gave to finish the run).  But I wasn't aiming for a medal or a placement, I just thought it would be nice to support my community however I can.  I actually hadn't been planning on running it this year anyway, but saw a post that it was changed to a virtual run.  I guess this way I have a new distance to try to PR.  I've only run  10ks, and my PR for that distance is 54.12, so pretty doubtful that I'll get a new PR anytime soon.  I've been pretty slow lately.  In fact, my min/mile is a full min slower than my 10k PR.

Please don't take offense

Last week I reserved a campsite for San Juan County park on San Juan Island.  We've camped there many, many times.  Although I think the last time was 3 years ago when we went so that I could run the San Juan half marathon.  After I reserved the campsite I thought about my run streak. . . I ran on those roads for the San Juan half, and they are hilly!  I do not know how running is going to happen while we are there.  It may be 3 days of 1 mile runs (I could probably run the morning of the day we leave before work, and then after we get home the day we get back.)  Anyway, we shall see.

The first year and the last year we were there.

On Sunday night I couldn't get to sleep.  I was awake until 1:30am or so.  At one point I got up to do something, I don't know, use the bathroom, get a drink, throw a pillow at a cat that was yowling . . . I don't remember, and I smashed my little toe on a fan that was on the floor.  It hurt so bad.  I was laying there and wondering if it was bleeding, so I felt it (in the dark) and my finger didn't come back with blood.  Well, it was definitely bleeding, my pj's had blood on them in weird spots (I think from using the bathroom and pulling down my pants) and it hurts!  My run yesterday was short and slow because my toe hurt so bad.

This picture was from yesterday, and isn't a very good representation, but it's pretty bad.

**I am going to rant.  I mean no disrespect to anyone, especially healthcare workers, but I have a rant.
We have been told to keep 6 feet apart.  We are told we can exercise, but stay away from others.  And I read a really interesting article about not exercising close to others.  Basically it says that when moving, that 6 foot rule isn't enough.  I'm going to use running as my example, if I am running and I catch up with someone who is also moving, they are leaving a "trail" of their germs behind them.  The droplets of "germs" stay in the air for an amount of time that I don't remember, but because they are moving their germs stay afloat in one place, while they continue to move, so 6 feet isn't enough.  This distance increases with speed, so a runner's germs are staying up as they move away, and I could be 12 feet ahead before my germs completely drop, same with a biker, their germs could be in the air after they are 20 feet away.  It doesn't mean that the germs stay in the air longer, but the person is moving away from their germs.  Does that make sense?  It is also true with wind, if the wind is blowing one way, it is blowing those germs that way, so a moderate wind could make your germs be 10 feet way from where you are standing.  (To be fair, I recently also saw that this article may not be completely accurate, but I still think it makes sense.)

So . . . when I run I have been avoiding people.  After I read this article I decided I needed to keep my distance even farther than I was before and not move in front of people as quickly as I was.  Obviously other people have not read this article, or have thought about it.  I was actually wondering about this very thing before I read the article.

Anyway, I run almost everyday next to the hospital.  I am not sure if it's because I run earlier than normal, or if people need more breaks, but I see a lot of healthcare workers walking when I'm in the neighborhoods closest to the hospital.  They do not practice social distancing from me.  In fact, they rarely even move over on the sidewalk.  Normally I would run straight at them (especially if there is more than one person walking, and there usually is) until they moved over, but with the virus, I'm not willing to do that.  But I'm tired of seeing these people cut in front of me, and I mean within a foot of me or less, or walk straight at me without moving over.

I don't know if it's because they work in the hospital and can't *really* practice social distancing, or they just are so oblivious that they don't know they are doing it.  I'm tired of it.  I know that just because they work in a small town hospital they aren't exposed to it all the time, but they are likely more exposed than I am in my everyday life.  I would think they would be even more aware of their space than the average person.  But they really don't appear to be.  I am not talking about once or twice, or one or two people, I'm talking every day I run (literally 🤣) into this behavior on my run, by more than one group of people.  Please!  Move over!  Don't cut in front of me!

contemplations

I am sitting here in my garage office, listening to Maddox do his school work in the house and the birds chirping outside.  It is such nice weather right now.  This week has been in the mid and upper 60's and yesterday it hit 70.  Today it's supposed to be a bit cooler, but still nice.  The nice weather is wonderful.  I even have the back door to the garage open (although my heater is on high and I have a heated blanket on my legs). 

I have been thinking today about a marathon.  I talked about it at the beginning of March but then this virus stuff hit and I forgot.  I guess "forgot" isn't the right word, I just didn't think about it again until yesterday.  When the days are like today, and I'm stuck inside, it makes me want to go run.  And then when it's time to go run, I don't want to.  It's annoying. 

Anyway, I was thinking about it yesterday, but my old training plans are at work (where I am not), so last night in one of those half asleep idea phases, I thought, I can get on my blog and find out when I started training and then look at MapMyRun for how far, etc.  Well, as often happens when I look at old posts on my blog, I get sucked into reading different posts. 

*sidenote * A few months ago I changed my format because my old one was . . . well, old.  But I'm not liking this new one.  I like the look, but there are features that are gone, like going to the next or older posts, and a few other things, that I just can't put my finger on.  However, I'm lazy so haven't changed it again.  What do you (5 people that read this) think?  Is it annoying for you too?  I don't look at it very often, so don't actually care much. 

Anyway, marathon training.  Reading old posts, looking at old pictures of me motivates me more than almost anything else.  I want to be back to that person, looking like that person, and feeling like that person.  It's just when I am sitting on the couch in the evening, it's so easy to go get a snack (I have so many right now).  If I am going to do the Cascade Express marathon that I talked about in March, then I need to start training in a few weeks.  Although, my normal week of running is higher mileage than week 1 and 2 of marathon training.

Maybe that is just what I need to do, look at old posts more often, look at old pictures when I feel like eating.  I wish I had a way to print out a picture and put it on the mirror (or the fridge might be better).  Seriously, I have had more motivation this week than I have in awhile since I posted a few days ago about lacking motivation.  I would not say I've been great, but I am lower in weight than I was last week, and back to my April 1st weight (which is higher than my March 1st weight).  I will say, my biggest issue is wine.  I did drink less last week and this week compared to the first couple weeks of staying home.

Oh . . . that brings up a rant I have (or maybe two).  The whole media thing of "stay inside" drives me crazy.  I agree, we should definitely social distance, limit going out to places, but I do not have to "stay inside."  In fact, that is the worst thing to be telling people.  My dad is the perfect example, he is rebelling against this staying home thing because he "refuses to be locked inside all day."  I understand that he is pretty isolated on his farm, but the idea that he can't do anything is driving him nuts and is causing him to make unsafe choices. 

Please, go outside!  Enjoy the weather (if it's nice where you are).  Go for a walk.  Go for a run.  Do yard work, enjoy a fire.  Just stay away from others that are not in your immediate family.  In fact, last week my sister came up to visit us.  Her and her husband sat on one end of my yard and we sat on the other end, and we had a great visit.  But we did not get close to each other.  I wish I had a picture to share, but I didn't take one.  :-( 

A non-day

Does anyone know what day it is?  At least I have work to fill my Monday-Friday.  But I didn't do a lot of work on Friday and it ended up feeling like Saturday.  Then Saturday was Sunday and yesterday was a non-day.  Seriously, have you ever had a non-day?  Well, that was yesterday.  I know it was Easter, but we couldn't go anywhere, and we didn't have an "Easter dinner."  In fact, I was outside for about an hour and then went inside and was there, on the couch, the rest of the day.  I did nothing, and nothing happened . . . a non-day.

Saturday was actually pretty busy.  We did a lot of yard work, I got all my flowers planted, so my yard looks nice.  My front yard looks great, Chris has been doing a lot of work in the front.  The backyard needs a lot of work, but I am inside . . .

I have been using my "garage office" and that is nice to get away from everyone, but it's a garage, not insulated and dark because the light doesn't work.  I have a lamp, and a door that I currently have open, but it's a little chilly.  I need to stop complaining, I have it pretty good.  I have work, I have food, I have a place to live (and work), and it's sunny.  There are people that have it much worse than me.  (I was going to add "right now" but thought about it, I have it pretty good always, there are always people that have less than me.  I know this, I work with them.)

I am not as depressed as I was 2 Saturdays ago.  I'm feeling better, the sun really does help.  But I am tired of being home all the time.

I was reading one of my favorite bloggers this morning, Katie at Runs for Cookies.  She has been struggling with her weight recently and so she decided to make short term goals.  Something she can follow for just 3 days and then reset or do something different.  I thought "what a great idea."  And then I started writing down some goals for me to follow for three days.  I even got out some paper and special markers I bought for Maddox for projects with the intent to put up on the wall in my "office" area.  I got 2 goals in, totally doable goals, and suddenly thought, "I don't want to do this.  I won't follow this."  So I stopped.  And it's true.  I don't do well with goals, not like that anyway.  Goals don't motivate me at all.

You know what motivates me?

.

.

.

If you figure it out, can you let me know??   🤣

Actually, what helped last week was looking in the mirror and being disgusted with my face.  I do not think I am fat, I am bigger than I would like to be, and bigger than I think looks best on me, but I'm not "fat."  I notice it so much in my face and my collar bone.  I've shared pictures before, and they don't really look that much different, but I see it.  I see it when I look.

2015

Right now

There is a difference in my face and definitely in my collar bone, it's not as defined.  The first picture I was at my very lowest adult weight, almost 20 lbs lighter than I am right now.  My "average" weight is only 10 lbs lighter than I am right now, but I love how I looked during training for and after my first marathon in 2015.  I really, really want to go back to that.  It's been 4 years (since I sprained my ankle and gained some weight back) and I'm still struggling.

So I guess what I need is a mirror.  I don't have a printer, I can't go print pictures of me in 2015, and pictures of me now, so I need a mirror.  😊  See, looking at those two pictures actually does motivate me.  It's me, but two different versions (one with makeup and hair done, and one in my garage with almost 7 weeks of grow out on my roots and no makeup 😉).  But seriously, one was me eating healthy (well, healthier) and exercising 4 times a week, and the second me is not so healthy eating, and exercising (at least a mile) 7 days a week.  

They say to start where you're at, but it's so hard when you were already at and past that spot before.  Quit complaining, Cathy.  Others have it worse than you.  

Anxiety and depression have set in

I've been home for almost three weeks.  I have gone grocery shopping 3 times, and I've gone to work 3 times.  The first week of staying home was actually kinda nice.  Maddox and I were home together, we did our work next to each other, and we did great.  It was quiet and calm.  Chris and Damian were still working and I was enjoying my time with Maddox, alone. 

The second week, Chris came home, no more work.  That Monday was the worst day for work, I had all 4 of my family members in the same room where I was supposed to be working.  The TV was on, Asher was bouncing away in his bouncer toy, Maddox was distracted.  I was so frustrated.  However, the next day Damian went back to work, Asher went to his Mom's, and the house was quite a bit quieter.  Chris found a couple projects, so I was able to work and help Maddox with school. 

The third week was similar to the second week (although Damian didn't have Asher on Monday, but he got him back on Tuesday and Chris was babysitting).  Then Damian was "furloughed" on Thursday.  I decided I needed my own work space.  I am supposed to be working, I am the only one in the family that still has a job so I cannot be responsible for Maddox getting his school work done as well.  So I started working a garage office, but I was overwhelmed, and am getting a bit depressed, so I stopped, I went and laid down for awhile.  (Yes, I was supposed to be working.)  Chris and Damian finished my garage office, and it's very nice.  I was able to go in there for the second half of the day, but I was pretty lazy work-wise. 

Are there others out there struggling with working at home?  Are you getting actual work done?  I feel pressured to work, but it's so hard, and I'm rather jealous of those that are not having to work during this time.  I have visions of doing stuff in my house, or craft projects with Maddox, or planting flowers outside.  I don't want to work while my whole family is not.  On the other hand, I'm bored.  I haven't seen my sister for 3 weeks.  My dad was supposed to come over here in March.  I wanted to go see him at some point too.  And I can't. . . .  I have low level anxiety at all times, worried about my family (especially my dad) and so angry at the people that won't stay home, or at least won't stay away from others.  I'm going on 4 weeks of being at home, and it will only last longer if these other idiots won't stay home.  I'm depressed.  It started on Friday. 

The weather is supposed to get nicer this week, which will really help.  The first week of staying home, the weather was super sunny and nice.  And now we've had 2 weeks of rain and cloudiness.  Although, sun will make me want to be outside, and I really won't get work done.

I'm also drinking more, and eating more.  At the end of February I was starting to lose weight again, and the beginning of March looked promising.  But as of the 1st of April, it's all gone, I'm up and I'm frustrated.  I'm the one doing the grocery shopping, and yet I continue to bring home snacky foods "for my family" but guess who's eating them?  I log most of it, but I'm snacking so much that I forget what I ate.  If I'm stuck in my house another month (and Washington did extend it's stay at home order to May 4th, so I am), I'm going to be huge.  I'm going to lose all the work I have done in the last 8 years.  I'll lose it in 2 months . . .

Don't get me wrong, I'm still running, but obviously that is not enough.  I am on day 522.