Birthday sickness

After my last post, well, even before my last post, I got sick.  The last week of September, Sunday into Monday night, I woke up and threw up, it was sooooo bad.  I don't ever remember a time when I threw up so hard and so many times.  I'd feel a little better and go lay down, but then be up 20 min, back in the bathroom.  I even slept, literally, wrapped around the toilet.  I have never been that sick, ever.  It was awful.  Thankfully the throwing up part only lasted that one night, but I felt "off" for a couple days.  Then I got a cold, runny nose, coughing, almost immediately after that.  

Monday night the 2nd of October, Chris and I were getting to watch the Seahawks on Monday night football, and he jokingly said "maybe you should take a COVID test" because I had just had a coughing fit. I thought maybe it was a good idea, so took a test, and it was positive.  Then I realized that the tests we have are expired, so I thought, well, maybe it's not COVID, so I made Chris run to the store and buy tests for everyone (they are expensive!).  And that one was also positive, no one else was positive though.  I retreated to my room.   

For my job I go to court every Tuesday (I do a therapeutic court) so I had to call them and request virtual court. (One good thing that came from the pandemic, virtual court . . . if you have a court date and are sick or can't make it, call the courthouse, the MAY be able to accomodate a virtual hearing, depends on the court).  

Anyway, I had already been kicking around the idea of going to the Lake for my birthday (which is Oct. 6, that Friday), so I decided that since I was the only one in my house with COVID and it was my birthday, I would go to the Lake by myself.

~~~I think I have not mentioned that we got a dog.  He is adorable, is a 7 month old lab mix, that we got  in August. He came from a shelter in Texas.  His name is Peanut Butter, but we call him Peanut.  

The first day we got him, he was very
droopy, tail tucked, ears down.

The first night we had him, he was 
scared of the stairs, Damian had to
carry him down.

A few weeks later.

~~~~

Anyway, Peanut and I went to the Lake.  I don't think he's been so spoiled in his life with food.  He had a lot of bacon with me, part of my steak dinner, and pretty much a little of everything I ate (I did feed him dog food). 

He is such a scaredy cat (dog), he was scared of the deer on our walks. At night he freaked me out because he'd bark at the dark sliding glass door for no reason.  I was definitely scared to go out with him to let him go to the bathroom.  I ended up just throwing him on the lead and letting him go out alone.  He's scared of he dark though, so I had to turn on all the outside lights for him to even leave the porch. 🤣

But he loved being outside, with me, during the day, even though he was scared of the ducks and even people on their porches.

The sunset in October is so different than in August.  In August it sets just over the dock in the above picture.  In October it was setting behind the hills off to the left in the picture.  But it was soooo pretty.

I spent my birthday day raking pine needles from the beach under the tree.  They were so bad!  It took me 3 hours (maybe longer) to rake all those needles.  But I enjoyed it.  My birthday was Friday, and the weather wasn't great, so I didn't do a whole lot outside other than rake.  But by Saturday, it was beautiful, and warm!  I spent a lot of the afternoon outside.  I wouldn't think that 2 months would move the sun so much, but my typical afternoon sunny spot in August, didn't ever see much sun.  I ended up sitting mostly on the other side of the tree.  I just found it so strange

Look at the difference of the beach after
I raked!

I didn't want to bring firewood so I brought a firepit that runs on alcohol (rubbing alcohol).  I had gotten it last year for my birthday and used it a few times last winter and a little this summer outside.  But it was perfect . . . after I realized I should open the flue even though I wasn't actually using the fireplace.  I set off the fire alarm more than once, with that and with cooking (nothing was burnt, it was just very sensitive).  

On my way down, my brother-in-law suggested I get myself some champagne and a cake for my birthday, so even though I brought food, I ended up stopping at the store and got a good steak, shrimp, a small lemon cream pie and some champagne (prosecco, if you're a wine snob).  I would have made mashed potatoes too, but I didn't want to peel potatoes and boxed mashed is not very good.

Honestly, even though I had to cook my own food and do my own dishes, it was probably one of the best birthdays I've ever had.  Nothing against my family but it was crazy relaxing and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I did get bored a little during the day, the water was too cold to get in, and like I said Friday wasn't great weather-wise, but just getting away was heavenly.  I would really love to go back, but I don't know that I could get away with it.  Maddox was very jealous that I went, and Chris acted like he felt guilty he couldn't go.  I just enjoyed being alone.  😀

Peanut often hangs his head off his bed
while he's laying on it, it's weird.

Struggling

 Two years ago I woke up to a phone call from my sister who was visiting my Dad.  All she did was cry, she didn't say anything, and I knew. I denied it, tried to get her to tell me I was wrong, but I wasn't.  My Dad was gone.  He died in his sleep.  He died with my sister there taking care of him.  I'm so happy she was there, otherwise he would have died alone.

I was going to post more, but I can't, so I'm going to leave with of pictures of my Dad.

Musings

 Well, the 8 of you that read my last post sucked at telling me where you go to read the blogs you follow.  😉

So I went to my new gym 3 times but my quads hurt really bad.  After Tuesday it hurt but was okay-ish.  Damian got his son, Asher for the week on Tuesday and then had to go to the store after putting him to bed.  Well, Asher was crying so I went down to check on him and his shirt was all twisted. I don't remember why, but I was holding him and knelt down and felt a sharp pain in my thigh.  It hurt sooooo bad, I don't know what I did, maybe strained or pulled a muscle, but I could barely walk up the stairs.  I didn't go back to the gym for a few days, but Thursday night thought it was doing better so was going to go work out Friday morning.  I don't remember what I did, but I decided it would be a bad idea so canceled.  Then tripped on a shoe Saturday morning and hurt it again.  I did end up going to the gym yesterday afternoon.  I'm feeling pretty good today, other than a giant knot in my shoulder, but those are common for me, I don't even have to do anything to get them.

I did go in on Friday morning to do a body scan thing, and was pleasantly surprised.  With all my clothes on, I only weighed one pound more than I did when I got up (I wasn't allowed to eat before the scan).  I don't remember all the numbers, but I have more muscle than I expected, and according to the scan, I only have 18.5 lbs to lose (which is almost exactly what I've gained, so that is good).  My arm muscles are about even, but my left leg has about a pound more muscle than my right, but I am left leg dominant, so I need to work on using my right leg more often.

I gained 2lbs this weekend, but since I lost those 2lbs this morning, I'm thinking I was dehydrated.  I am definitely not as good at drinking water on the weekend as I am during the week at work.  This has been a theme for a long time though, maybe I should quit weighing myself on Mondays to give my body time to reabsorb water.  I feel like that might just be a cop out to make myself not accountable on the weekend.

I haven't been forthcoming with what I weigh, so it might be confusing.  I'm embarrassed by it, that I let myself gain 20lbs.  But seriously, I'm basically not losing.  I initially lost 2 lbs when I started this, and ever since then I've been losing the same 2 lbs.  Last week I was excited because on Tuesday when I weighed in (no weigh in on Monday, Labor Day) I was the same as Friday, but it was still 1lb higher, so last week I lost 1lb.  I was a lot less active though, only worked out on Monday and Tuesday, and only walked Wednesday and Sunday.  I forgot, I also did a wine walk with my sister on Saturday, but after thinking about it, they only do 1oz pours, and there were 10 tastings, so only 10oz, which is about a glass and a half of wine with a lot of walking over 3-4 hours.  

*okay, I'm going to rewrite that paragraph, but add in my weight.  This is when I'm thankful I don't have a lot of followers.*

 I haven't been forthcoming with what I weigh, so it might be confusing.  I'm embarrassed by it, that I let myself gain 20lbs my beginning weight (this time) was 166.  But seriously, I'm basically not losing.  I initially lost 2 lbs, going to 164, when I started this, and ever since then I've been losing the same 2 lbs.  Last week I was excited because on Tuesday when I weighed in (no weigh in on Monday, Labor Day) I was the same as Friday (which was 165), but it was still 1lb higher, so last week I lost 1lb, back down to 164 .  I was a lot less active though, only worked out on Monday and Tuesday, and only walked Wednesday and Sunday.  I forgot, I also did a wine walk with my sister on Saturday, but after thinking about it, they only do 1oz pours, and there were 10 tastings, so only 10oz, which is about a glass and a half of wine with a lot of walking over 3-4 hours.  So yesterday I was 166 again, and today I was 164.

Anyway, this week I plan to work out at least Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.  I am still doing yoga, and actually those are the same days I do yoga (totally unrelated, just is going to happen that way this week).  And with eating better, hopefully I'll lose some more weight and get out of the 164s.  

I don't have any pictures this week, so I'll just share Asher's birthday pictures.  He turns 4 today, but we celebrated on Sunday.  😊

Blog readers?

 Just a quick question, what do others (you) use to read blogs you follow? I was using Bloglovin', but it doesn't work anymore.  I actually lost a couple that I loved.  (If anyone knows/talks to/follows Accidental Firefly and Inside the Mountain's Skin, ask them to send me a link to follow them, I loved reading their blogs. 😁

Oh and to top it off, my favorite podcast player, Stitcher, also went away.  So I guess if you have recommendations on that, I'd love those too.  😊

Not that I have many people who read my blog, but it's worth a shot to ask.  

Yes, those are all the blogs I've read.  Most of them no longer post, and haven't for a lot of years.  It's why I keep looking for new ones, although I am waaaayyyy behind on those that I do read.  A couple of my most favorites, Shut Up and Run and Sublurban Mama are on that list (Sublurban Mama hasn't posted in . . .4? . . .5? years.)

Still progressing

 Well, I joined a gym.  I think it's similar to a CrossFit gym (having never been in one, I'm not sure), but it only offers group workouts, there are no "regular" exercise machines, and no weight machines.  I did a trial workout on Saturday and man am I sore!!!  But then I decided to do it, and signed up yesterday (Monday) and did another workout.  And, I'm still sore.  The gym is called Fit Body Boot Camp, and it's new in my area, so they are giving a lower fee to get members, and that fee is mine as long as I don't leave.  It's still rather expensive, but I need something to kick me into gear, maybe this will.

One of the thoughts I had was that my sister spent $3000 on 30/10 for 3 months.  Which I know is a nutritional/diet program (it's also a starvation program).  I figured maybe doing this at $35 a week (yes, you read that right) for 3 months is cheaper than 30/10 and I won't starve, and may get fitter.  (Is fitter a word?  spell check is not underlining it . . .) And in the process, maybe lose some fat.

I think another of the reasons why I joined this gym is because of the guided classes.  There's no working out on my own, and because they're so new, the classes are very small, so it's a lot of one-on-one coaching during the class.  I really enjoyed my trial workout, even though my legs are still sore from it (yesterday's class was a lot easier, so it may have "helped" my soreness, but I think it's still mostly from Saturday).

So how did I do with my weight this weekend?  

The last 2 weekends were awful, 2 weeks ago I went up 4 lbs, last weekend I went up 5lbs.  Both weeks, I got back down to the previous Friday's weight before the end of the week, and this weekend I decided I needed to do better.  Honestly, I didn't think I did much better but I did not gain any weight over the holiday weekend.  This morning I weighed in at exactly the same amount as I did on Friday morning.  !!  I think that's great! 3 day weekend, and I went to a birthday party on Sunday.  😀

I am not drinking nearly as much as I was.  The trick for me is to not have wine in the house.  I can resist if it's not there and honestly last week I didn't really even miss it.  I do buy a couple bottles for the weekend, but am *trying* to keep it in moderation.  I actually really wanted a glass or two last night, but only had my "special" wine, expensive wine that I've gotten over the years with my sister when we do a wine walk, and I'm unwilling to open that wine.  However, I almost did last night, but went for a walk instead.  

In other news, Maddox started Jr. High last week.  I seriously can't believe he's so old!  Jr. High where we currently live starts at 7th grade.  In Mount Vernon, they changed it to "middle school" and he was supposed to start last year in 6th grade, but we moved.  Also, I think he looks so old in this picture!  I really can't believe he's 12 and in 7th grade!

Anyway, that's all for today!

progress not perfection

 So how did my first week back at truly working on my weight go?  Well, last week I killed it, I lost 2 lbs.  I am intermittent fasting (IF) from about 6pm-9am . . . sometimes it's closer to 7pm-10pm, depending on dinner.  After dinner, every week night, I am walking, I have a route that's roughly 2.5 miles, but am not really going based on distance, more like time.  

Pre-stopping everything, I talked a little about menopause and beachyogagirl, who did a series of posts on it and how she lost 20lbs after gaining 20lbs due to menopause.  One of the things she suggests is walking, something that gets the heart rate up, but not too high.  She talks about "zone 2," I interpret that on my heartrate monitor to be "easy" which is just under "aerobic."  She says in her blog 20 min of that every day after dinner to help digest food, so you're not going to bed still digesting.  My 2.5 mile walk is 35 min, but I figure that gives me time to get my heart rate up to where it should be.  This week I added some running spurts to keep it up, but they are not long, just long enough to get my heart rate back up.  According to. . . something . . . my "easy" rate is between 109 and 122.  I think I did a bunch of googling last week to figure out what easy was for me.

Not every day, but most days, I spend a little time in our "weight room" in the garage after my walk.  My weights aren't heavy, but they say muscle burns more calories than fat, so I figure building muscle is good.  I am also still doing pilates/yoga with my sister 4 mornings a week.  I don't see that stopping.  I do want to start running again, but for now, this is what I'm doing.

Well, until Friday.  Friday and Saturday I did nothing, especially Friday.  And I drank a lot on Friday, I don't know why, I didn't intend to, but you know, once you get to a certain level, your drunk brain says kee going.  I wasn't as bad on Saturday, but did drink, and no activity other than yard work.  Sunday I was lazy again, but kept myself to 2 drinks.  And yesterday I had gained 4 lbs.  I don't know how you can gain 4lbs in 3 days, but I did.  I also didn't weigh myself at all Saturday and Sunday, and didn't do IF Friday night through Sunday morning.  I started my IF Sunday night and was good yesterday and was down 2lbs (still up 2 from Friday, but back to "starting weight").

I know weekends are my problem, they always have been.  When I was running 10+ miles on Sunday it wasn't as big of a deal, but now it is, so I need to do better.  However, Thursday we are going to the Lake for a long weekend, so I don't think my weigh in next Tuesday (we get back Monday) will be good.  I plan to continue to walk there, but there are no good routes that will take me 30 min, other than on the road I hate, that I used to run on.  

So, next week, when we get back, I am going to really push myself to be good, and I may start running again.  If I don't start running, I may have to change my blog title.  😉 I am going to try to be good at the Lake, but . . . it's hard on vacation.  

Aloha!

 As I was clicking on Blogger, I thought, I don't think I've posted since May.  Then, really, May?  Then the screen loaded and yep, May 18th was my last post.  

I haven't posted because I'm not doing anything.  Or I haven't been. 

So I completely quit intermittent fasting, at first it was because of Maddox's baseball games, they were going until 8pm or so and I just couldn't not eat at all, and then to wait 15-16 hours, that would put me at noon before eating, and that's just too late for me.  However, when baseball was over, I didn't restart.

I did very good with running 3 days a week for April and May, but then in June and July missed a couple weeks, and August has been . . . well, I haven't run at all in August.  I take that back, I ran on August 1st.  

My weight . . . well, let's not talk about that at all.

We went to Hawaii at the end of July for 2 weeks, in fact, today is only my second day back at work.  We stayed in Kauai, so were not impacted by the fire in Maui at all.  I love running in Hawaii, it is my most favorite place to run, and I only ran once there.  I didn't even get to the place that I love the most during my run.  In the past, when I run there, I run 4 miles because it gets me to an overlook that I like, but I haven't been running much, and with the humidity there and the warmth, I barely made 3 miles.  I had plans to drive down a little ways so I could run on the trail that's the really pretty area, but I never did.  We did a lot of activities and I scheduled them all in the morning so that we could go to the beach afterwards, but it made it difficult to run in the morning when it's marginally cooler.  

While in Hawaii I noticed . . . well, that's not accurate, because I noticed it a lot earlier than that, but I really thought about it . . . that I am super unhappy with my weight.  I didn't buy a dress there (I love the dresses), I didn't even want to buy a shirt because I was afraid I'd have to get a large.  It's been a long time since I bought large.  

Then on the last Monday Damian and I went for a hike and he talked a lot about getting into shape.  He's lost quite a bit of weight since we moved, and came to the realization that he's pretty scrawny (his words not mine).  He's been watching some YouTube shorts about motivation and getting into shape, so he has really decided that he's going to work out to "buff" up.  

Before Hawaii I had decided I was going to cut back on alcohol and eat better when we got home. I just feel like a whale and being in Hawaii really reinforced that feeling.  

This last Sunday I started (I know, I gave myself 2 days at home before cracking down).  We got a weight machine many years ago from a friend, that we've never really used, and then he moved and took the weights with him (he did say the weights were a loan). Six months ago, or so I bought a few weights, just a couple 5 lbs and 2 ten lbs weights for the machine, I think total 40 lbs, but we accidentally ended up with two 5 lb weights from our friend, so we have a total of 50 lbs.  I told Damian I wasn't buying more if the machine wasn't used (weights are expensive!!) so I haven't gotten anymore.  

Well, Damian said in Hawaii that he'd like to get the machine out so it's usable in the garage, and start working out.  We did that on Sunday, redid one side of our garage, moved my treadmill over to that side, and now have a mini-gym in our garage.  Damian has big plans, and honestly I'd like to make it bigger too, with a spin bike and more free weights, but not until I know it's going to be used often.  

I've worked out on it both yesterday and Sunday, plus I started walking every evening after dinner, oh and I restarted intermittent fasting.  And the big one, I quit drinking every day.  I am not giving up alcohol, especially wine, I'm just cutting way back.  And I started weighing every day again, which I haven't done for several years.

I plan on walking after dinner every day   most days, and I'm going to keep up with the intermittent fasting and less alcohol.  

We'll see how it works out.  

here's a few of the many pictures I took in Hawaii . . .

If you ever go to Kauai, Jo Jo's Shave
Ice is the best.

You also must go to Poipu beach to see the sunset 
and watch the turtles come to shore.

Sunrise is my favorite there.  Because they are 3
hours behind, waking up to see it is very easy.  

Latest ramblings

 So, I succeeded in my April goal of running at least 3 miles 3 days a week.  Then something happened last week and I only ran twice.  I had been kicking around the idea of adding a long run on Sundays in May, but then didn't.  Then last week I realized I hadn't run again on Friday and knew that if I didn't I wouldn't get my 3 days in, but it was sorta late, and I didn't want to, so I didn't.  However, I had a great run on Sunday, but it wasn't a long run. 

So far I've only run once this week, which was on Sunday.  I've had a conference this week, it's virtual, but it's also live, I'm virtual in Washington, and the live part is going on in Boston.  It starts at 8am in Boston, which is 5am here. So I've had some early mornings and am tired.  I haven't been running, I thought I'd run during the lunch break, but I've been sleeping instead because their lunch break is at 9am.  And it's been quite warm here, so I'm not wanting to run when it's so "hot."

It's so ridiculous because I thought once it warmed up and wasn't rainy all the time I'd want to go run more, but now it's warm and I don't want to run in the heat.  I think it's because we went from 45-55 degrees to 70-80 degrees within a week.  We completely skipped spring, although, I think it's going to the 60's next week for at least a few days.  

Last week I did really, really well with my food.  I actually haven't been tracking it, but I've been eating good.  I lost 2 lbs last week.  I was ecstatic, but am not hopeful for a loss this week.  I am eating okay, yesterday I had chips for lunch though, so definitely not as good as last week.  

I have not been doing the intermittent fasting for a while now. My son started baseball and his games start at 6 and often end at 8 or later, so I am not eating until I get home afterwards.  I can't go until 12p or 1p to eat the next day, I'm too hungry.  I have tried to keep my morning schedule of starting to eat between 10 and 11, but, like I said, it's still not true IF.  It actually has gotten a lot easier to wait . . .  Well, until this week.  I am waking up at 4:30am to get online for my conference.  I am so tired that I've started drinking coffee with milk and creamer.  

I weigh myself tomorrow . . . I should have waited to post this until then, but I'm quite worried I gained again because that is typically what I have been doing lately.  I can't seem to stay under 160 lately (last week I was 158).  

This is from my run on Sunday.  I ran fairly early because Sunday was the hottest day here (86 degrees) and I didn't want to run when it was so hot. (I really admire those people that run in the true heat, Arizona, Nevada, California, eastern Washington, everywhere but here.)  

I identify as a runner.

 Last week I posted that I was going to start running 3 miles three times a week for the month of April.  I made it last week, I ran (can it be called running when a quarter of it is walking?), 3 times, 3miles.  It meant I had to run after getting home from eastern WA on Saturday, but it probably was a good thing because that's a long drive (4.5-5 hours depending on stops). 

I had plans to run on Sunday (I always run on Sunday) but the weather was soooooo nasty, so I didn't.  And then the weather was bad again on Monday, so I didn't. I planned to run on Tuesday, but I ended up going home with a temperature and a headache.  I felt terrible, I had the chills, but was also ridiculously hot, so I went straight to bed.  I woke up yesterday (Wednesday) and thought, I have to run today, I felt better in the morning, so was planning on running.  Oh, I forgot to mention that Tuesday and Wednesday were B-E-A-utiful days.  The sun was shining, no wind, gorgeous.  But then, about 2pm yesterday, same thing, headache, slight fever, so I went back home and to bed.  

That means if I plan to get 3 days in this week, I have to run today, tomorrow, and Saturday, no matter what the weather does. And of course, it's supposed to get rainy again.  This morning was cloudy with sunbreaks and I stayed home (working from home) so I decided I'd get the run done before it got gross outside again.  But now I have to run tomorrow and Saturday.  

I haven't been this out of shape in 11 years, basically since I started running.  In fact, until the last year or so, I could have done a half marathon with very little (or no) training for it.  I was always kinda in half marathon shape.  Now I walk a lot during my three mile runs.  

I think this lack of motivation stems a lot from my mindset since ending my runstreak.  I allowed my brain to start thinking "it's okay if I don't run."  For years I didn't have that mindset, and even before the runstreak I still had the days I "had" to run, they varied throughout time, but I always had them.  Now, I'm like, "don't want to run? don't!"  And I read a book where the author talked about strategic walking during runs, which made my brain say "you want to walk? you should walk" instead of the old way of thinking "walking is bad."  That and reading Kerri's blog on beachyogagirl.com she talked about keeping your heartrate in zone 2 for the most fat burn . . . well, zone 2 happens while walking not running.  Walking isn't bad, but I identify as a runner, not a walker.  I'm proud to be a runner, I like that identity and am not willing to give it up.

But! you know what identifies you as a runner?  Running!  Isn't that weird?  That means that if I want to continue to identify as a runner, I have to actually run.  So in the second week of April, I have to run thursday, Friday, and Saturday, no matter what.  

So here's to getting back in shape, even if I'm never back to "half marathon anytime" shape, I want to be in "I can run 3 miles without stopping" shape.

Saturday's run

Tomorrow is weigh-in day.  I didn't weigh in last week because I was in eastern WA.  I also didn't eat very well.  Well, I didn't eat a lot, but what I ate wasn't great.  Then with Easter this last Sunday, and all the candy (ahem, jelly beans), I think I will have a gain.  I hope it's not a two week gain, just a small one.  Keep your fingers crossed!!  I was really excited to get back to the 150s (that's so sad for me to say when I was in my 140s for so long), but I don't think I will this week.  

What I'm doing now

 In March I decided to record what I eat.  Once upon a time I tracked my calories on myfitnesspal, but I stopped (maybe around 2020) and now don't think it's as good with the recent "upgrades."  So I started handwriting what I eat with no calorie counting.  I started just writing it down, with no changes.  Then a week later I started making sure I was eating less.  Then March 10th I decided I needed to start recording my weight weekly, which I haven't done in years.  So, March 10th, I recorded my weight of 162 (which was exactly the same as the week before).  A week later, after doing really, really good with my food, I was 163.8.  I was so mad.  Two and a half weeks ago, I went down to 161.3 and last week I went to 160.  I'm pretty sure the blip in gain was period related (although I don't actually have a period now).  

It feels like my eating has gotten better, but my exercise has been terrible.  March was pretty much the lowest mileage I've had in probably 10 years with no injury, 39 miles, and that includes 13.5 miles of walking.  Yesterday I was reading Runs for Cookies (of course) from a post in January where she was recapping her 2022 goals.  One of her 2022 goals was to run 3 miles 3 times a week, and I thought, that's doable.  So, starting this month, I'm going to run 3 days a week for at least 3 miles. Because I decided this yesterday (Wednesday) and I went to e. WA right afterwards and have only run once so far this week (at that time) it means I have to run 2 times while in e. WA.  I "ran" today. I guess I should get rid of the quotes, but it seems so weird to walk while running.  

It's also kind of stupid why I ran today.  I forgot about my decision to run 3 times a week and was going to go for a walk today.  Well, right before leaving guys came to my sister's house to install gutters, and I thought that I'd look silly just going for a walk, so decided to run just for my image. But that is not a bad thing . . .

My next plan is to go through my food journal and look at the trends of what I'm eating.  I think that this week will be a bad week because I'm in e. WA and outside of my routine, plus I do tend to drink more on "vacation."  And I also found out today that my 15 year old niece is pregnant . . . so there's that.  

Maybe by making these small changes I'll have some success.  

P.S. I didn't run the half marathon last weekend.  I had actually decided to switch to the 10K and then didn't do that either.  I think this is my first DNS (did not start) which I've always heard is worse than a DNF (did not finish).

Just do it

 What triggers in a person's brain that they are going to do something? 

Right after (maybe 6 months) I had Maddox I decided I was going to start running.  I loved it as a kid, I dabbled in it in my 20s, finally at 35 I decided to start.  It was not to lose weight, it was because I had always liked the act of running.  I was worried that if I took a rest day, one day would turn into 2 and so on, so for a little while I ran (mostly walked) every day.  That didn't last long, but I did continue to run.  I started reading blogs of people who ran, I would try to go back to the blog's inception and read it all, it kept me motivated, taught me a lot about what to do, and motivated me to run races.  I still follow two of those blogs, RunsforCookies and Belief in Myself, the rest all quit blogging at some point (don't worry, I've found a few more now, but nothing like what I used to read).  Actually, those two bloggers (Katie and Mary Fran) have been blogging so long they were probably two of the few that I couldn't read from the beginning.  Reading blogs prompted me to start a blog.  I started with a different name, I think it was "Living the Dream, a Crazy and Convoluted dream" but eventually settled on Running the Dream.  I even made a facebook page (back when they were new and nothing like they are now) called Running the Dream.  (It's still there, I just never post on it now and it was never big.)

In 2015 I decided to run a marathon, up until then I said marathon runners were crazy, I even got a magnet for my car that said "Only half crazy, 13.1" But for whatever reason, I decided to run one.  I think, at that time, I was enamored with how far I could run.  Each Sunday was a new distance and it was exciting to me.  I ran because I loved it.  

And I started losing weight, it was a slow loss.  From February 2012 to March 2015 I lost 30 lbs it was not on purpose, it was a side effect of running and eating better.  Eating better was also a side effect of running, I was feeling good, so I wanted to eat good.  And I lost weight.  Then when I started marathon training I had read that many people training for a marathon gain weight, and I did not want that, so I tightened up my eating even more and lost almost another 10 lbs.  I honestly felt great, the whole experience was a joy, I was running new distances every week, and I was seeing loses on the scale almost weekly.

In 2016 I decided I'd run another marathon, well actually the same one, just a different year.  I also decided to run the Seattle Rock and Roll half.  A friend was doing it, and I thought it was interesting, plus another friend paid for me.  I went out on my first training run and sprained my ankle. I tried to continue to running, but really just made it worse.  Anyway, I gained some weight because I wasn't running.  Losing weight while marathon training seemed so easy, it just fell off it seemed.  So I wasn't worried, I thought that once I started running again, I'd lose it.  I didn't.  I didn't gain a lot of weight, only about 5-7 lbs, but I didn't lose it.  

That was when my mind switched from running for enjoyment to running to lose weight.  I didn't lose weight, but I kept thinking I would.  I started marathon training in 2017 with the sole purpose of having the same success weight-wise as I had in 2015.

Granted, we're talking less than 10lbs, but it was an obsession.  

Fast forward, 2020 I gained weight, mostly from just being home all the time, drinking more and definitely eating more.  And I keep gaining.  It's gotten to the point where I don't even enjoy running, my go to exercise my entire life (not that I did it all my life, but if I exercised, I ran).  My sister says it's because of my runstreak.  I forced my body to run every day for 4 years, of course my brain is rebelling, and she might be right.  But I am the heaviest I've been since 2012.  I struggle with eating right,  struggle with running, I struggle.  And I'm unhappy about it.  

So back to my first question . . .  What triggers in a person's brain that they are going to do something? And keep at it?  What moves you from motivation to determination (great blog by RunsforCookies here).  I am able to motivate myself for awhile, but my motivation dwindles quite quickly.  Reading the books on ultra-running was very motivating to me, but I haven't read one in awhile.  I even watched a couple documentaries following a couple ultra-races, which was helpful for that day, maybe even that week.  

It's a mindset. I noticed it yesterday.  All day I thought "I'm going to run today."  On my way home it was rainy and cloudy so I started thinking, no, I'm not going to run.  Then I got to town and remembered the stud in my nose had fallen out that morning and I needed to stop to get a new one, and I thought, I'm not going to run.  Then I got home and I put on running clothes and went for a run.  But I didn't do that today, and it's sunny and nice(ish) out.  I need to get back into that mode of just do it.  Just go.  Maybe having a calendar with planned runs days would be helpful?  Maybe I'll try that next week.  Get back to loving to run (and hating it in the moment).

Medical issues and running

A year or so ago I went to the urgent care to get tested for COVID and when they took my blood pressure, I ended up being there forever.  They had the dr come look at me, they kept me way past any time it should have taken. (They never did tell me what my blood pressure was at that time.)  It was odd because they kept me there soooooo long, and then suddenly a nurse came in, gave me the results of the COVID test (negative) and sent me on my way.  Then last summer I went to the dentist and they took my blood pressure on a wrist thing, it was really high.  Like really high (I can't remember the number).  They told me it was emergency room high.  The hygienist said that it was probably the batteries in the thing and they were going to take it again later, they never did.

Well, when I told my sister these stories she told me I needed to go to the dr to check out my blood pressure.  Well, I avoided it.  On my birthday (in October) I felt really awful, so I decided to go to the dr.  Turns out I have high blood pressure (imagine that).  It's frustrating because I am not super overweight and eat fairly healthy.  It's mostly genetic, which I find super annoying.  It took until February for me to actually get stable on my medications (dosage mostly) and for it to be under control.  

I've always bordered on high blood pressure.  Almost every time I've been to the dr they take it and say it's high and they'll retake it after I've calmed a little.  Usually when they retake it, it has gone down a little, but still at the edge.  When we were figuring out my meds they had me taking my blood pressure every few days, I remember one of those it was at 161/110 (if you don't know, 120/90 is as high as they want to see).  

Anyway . . .

As you know, I quit my running streak Oct. 31st.  It had been 4 years of running every day, but in the last year, I had run very little over a mile a day.  I just haven't gotten back into the habit, desire, whatever, to run.  I just haven't wanted to run.  One of the things that Kerri at Beachyogagirl talks about in her series on menopause and weight lose, is heart rate zones and the ideal zone to be in for peri and menopausal women.  Basically she says zone 2 is the best zone, it burns the most stored fat, but when running, I am in zone 3.  So I decided that I would start just walking 20 or more min to see if that works.  To get to zone 2, I have to walk pretty fast though, yesterdays walk was an average 14 min/mile (which is crazy because my 8 mile run on Sunday was 11.44 min/mile average).  

It's so strange to think about, I can talk myself into going for a walk easier than I can talk myself into running. My sister said it's probably because I forced myself to go run every single day for 4 years.  I don't really understand why because other people have run streaks much longer than that and still run a lot. I find it annoying.  I love identifying as a runner.  I am a runner. But I am not running a lot right now.  I did register for a half marathon that is on April 3rd, with the intent of motivating myself to run more.  And I suppose it does a little, but it will be the slowest half I've ever done.  

I've had a really hard time going out for long runs.  Last Sunday I had it in my head to do 8 miles, but Sunday morning I just didn't feel like running at all.  I decided that I would go for a 3-4 mile run and see where I ended up.  I ended up going 8 miles, and I felt really good for all of it, and wasn't very sore on Monday (surprisingly).  That was my first 8 miles in a year and a half (September 2021).  

I only have 4 weeks left before the half, and I am seriously thinking I won't do it.  I just don't feel ready, plus, maybe I just don't want to be so slow.  I'm going to be gone the weekend before the half, and I've been pretty lazy on actually doing long runs.  I feel like I'd have to run 10 miles this weekend and at least 11 next, but I just don't want to.  I guess we'll see.  

Just a very brief update on my last post about tracking my food.  I was really excellent with my food choices last week and I lost one lb.  I think that this week wasn't as good, so we will see what my weight does tomorrow.  

My diet

 So . . . how am I doing?  February has been a tough time of year for me for about 25 years, it started when I was pregnant with Damian.  I had a week this year where I just wanted to say screw you and walk out of my job, but I'm feeling a lot better about it now.  My mood is still rather grey, but at least I'm not "quit my job and move to the Caribbean" anymore (although that still sounds wonderful).   

It doesn't help that in the last 6 months to a year I've gained almost 10lbs and can't get rid of any of it (that makes almost 20 lbs since 2020).  I've tried a couple things.  In January I cut out alcohol on the weekdays, and that may have worked except my eating wasn't great.  I also started religiously intermittent fasting.  I started drinking less, but went back to drinking during the week, but much less than I had been.

I've mentioned BeachYogaGirl a couple times when I talk about doing yoga with my sister.  Anyway, she also has a blog, which I wasn't reading, but the last few months she's been talking about menopause and posting on instagram (where I started following her before joining her website).  The blogs have been very informative.  My mom never talked about menopause, or perimenopause, and she's gone now, so I can't ask her.  (Why is menopause such a taboo subject??)  Actually Kerri's blog was the main reason I started intermittent fasting (IF), and doing it as it's supposed to be done.  

This is all over the place, but let me talk about IF a min.  In the past, when I've done it, I would have coffee with creamer in the morning because I am (mildly) addicted to caffeine (not like I have been in the past, I only drink a cup a day and don't drink soda hardly ever).  Anyway, basically the creamer breaks the fast, and it doesn't matter if you don't eat anything.  (I hate black coffee.)  According to what I've read, including Kerri's blog, the purpose of IF is to allow our bodies to increase insulin sensitivity (which is good).  When you fast, insulin decreases (also good) so that your body releases stored sugar and uses it for energy. When you eat or ingest anything that causes your insulin to increase, you break your fast and your body stops releasing the stored sugar.  So, I quit drinking coffee on weekdays.  I started drinking tea (but you have to be careful with tea, some of it will break your fast). I don't mind tea without sugar or creamer.  I've even looked up my vitamins that I take and now take some of them in the evening before starting my fast time because they would break my fast (like collagen).  I am currently fasting about 15 hours, I am not hard on my end time in the evening because my family doesn't always eat early enough, but I do calculate 15 hours from when I end (usually between 6:30p and 7p).  I only do 15 hours because I start getting nauseous from hunger if I go much longer.  I am also not as strict (or even follow it at all) on the weekends.

Anyway, I've been doing this now for almost 2 months and it hasn't helped at all.  

My sister's husband was drinking a premeal thing, and she said it was very expensive, so they looked up alternatives to it, and found out that Metamucil had the same benefits.  She said they've started drinking that, and one of the benefits is appetite control.  Well, I decided to try that too, especially since I was trying to increase my fiber intake (which is the main thing Metamucil is known for).  

My sister asked me if I'm still tracking my food, and I am not.  I quit a long time ago and when I got on MyFitnessPal a few months ago, it changed so much I didn't like it anymore.  She suggested just writing down what I eat, and not counting calories (which has never really helped me anyway)  I'm so addicted to the thought of NEEDING to count calories that I downloaded another app, FatSecret.  The community activity is kind of cool, reminds me of MyFitnessPal before it got very advertise-y.  But then I decided that maybe just writing it down on paper is a good idea.  When I input into an app, I just look at how many calories I have left, maybe I should pay more attention to what I'm eating instead.  So I started doing that this week.  Although, I did not change my eating habits.

I am currently eating a lot of sugar (still working on Christmas candy and now Valentine's day candy.  🙄 Next week I'm going to work on what I'm actually eating.  

My problem is that I truly believe that I will lose weight, but don't actually follow through with making and keeping the changes going.  

Books I'm reading

 So much has happened in the last few months, it's hard to know where to start.  

*All of the links are to Amazon (unless it's linked to an old post of mine).  I get nothing from Amazon, just wanted you to see the books if you're interested.*

I usually do a yearly recap, but last year wasn't super exciting and and I did a runstreak recap, so I'm going to keep it at that.  

In my last post I talked about finding motivation to want to run, and I had read a book Reborn on the Run, which I really enjoyed.  Well, I bought several more and have read one and a half.  The one I finished is called "Out There: A Story of Ultra Recovery" by David Clark.  He was mentioned in "Reborn on the Run" so I looked him up.  He actually died a few years ago during surgery for a herniated disc, so it was a little difficult to read his story, especially since he talked about his first surgery for herniated discs and the recovery. 

The one I'm currently reading is "Eat & Run: My Unlikely Journey to Ultramarathon Greatness" by Scott Jurek.  I am enjoying this book, but he is a hardcore vegan and is obviously trying to sell that type of eating.  He says he's not pushing it, but then will say something like "anyone who is trying to be healthy and eat healthy will automatically eventually become vegan." He often describes meat as animal flesh, which it is, but is just a way of saying it's bad for you without saying it's bad for you. I disagree with that.  I believe you can eat animal products and be healthy.  I do see his reasoning on the hormones and things that our typical grocery meat is injected with, and I would like to eat more free range, and grass fed meat (the biggest problem is that Chris refuses to eat it).  Anyway, other than the hard push on veganism, I do enjoy the book.

(Yes, this is the third book in a row I've read about ultramarathoners, no, I do not desire to do it.  There is something inherent in an ultramarathoner that allows them to put up with the pain, and I don't have that. I think the most I would ever do is a 50k, which is only  miles more than a marathon, but still, I don't think I ever will.)

I have also bought "Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds" by Hillary Allen and "Broken Open: Mountains, Demons, Treadmills and a Search for Nirvana" by David Clark . . . interesting, I didn't realize that one was also by David Clark (the guy who died).  I guess we'll see how I like it.  I have a couple in my Amazon cart as well, but figured I should read these first and reevaluate.  

Are they motivating? Yes, I suppose so.  The book I'm reading now also talks a little about technique and breathing.  As I've mentioned many times, I do yoga with my sister, and we always skip the breathing parts, but Scott Jurek talks about how beneficial it is to running, he breathes completely through his nose, which I tried a little yesterday and it's hard! I felt more out of breath that way.  

I also signed up for the Everett Half Marathon that is on April 2nd.  I think that is really what is causing me to run farther.  Yesterday I ran 5 miles for the first time since October.  My last 5 mile run before that was in May.  I'm not really following a plan, I'm just increasing my miles and especially my long run each week.  I've got 9 weeks before the half and 2 of those I'm going to be out of town (they'll be my taper weeks).  I can do it, I just need to go run.  

I am super slow though.  It's hard to see the times on my runs lately, but I am trying to run easy on most of my runs, and keep my heartrate down.  We'll see what happens.

It's funny how things change.  When I first started running I had no idea what my heartrate was.  I just ran.  And I got fast.  When I was training for my first marathon I was running 4 miles at a 8.30mi/hr and my marathon was at a 10.20mi/hr.  This 5 mile run was slower than I ran my marathon.  My second marathon was 10.45mi/hr but that was for 26 miles.  I don't know if  I'll ever be that fast again.  I'd like to.  I would actually like to get under 4 hours for a marathon, but that's 9mi/hr which at the moment seems impossible.  Plus, I don't know if I'll ever do another marathon.  I guess if I ever speed up, I'll think about it.

Anyway, now I think about heartrate and breathing and posture, and I run slow.  Maybe I should just put on my music and run.  I never used to listen to audiobooks other than when I did my long runs and needed to run slower.  I didn't used to have a heartrate monitor on my wrist.  Maybe I should take that strategy again.

Now that I've wasted 5 or 10 min of your time 😉 I'll quit rambling.  I was going to talk about my blood pressure and my diet, but I rambled enough about books and running.  I'll try to touch on those things next time.  😊

Running thoughts

 Have you noticed I haven't been writing much?  I think this might be my record, 2 months without a post.  And I put off an important post, but I suppose it goes along with how my running has been going, for longer than the end of my run streak.  

My runstreak mainly only had me running a mile a day, but essentially I quit running awhile ago.  At least I quit running for any reason other than to keep my streak going.  The heart of it was gone.  

I don't know why, but I haven't been running much.  I think it's the rebellious part of me.  My head saying "I don't have to run if I don't want to," so I don't.  When I ended my runstreak I decided I should have some rules. I've always had running rules, long run on Sunday, never run on Monday, run on Thursday or Friday.  Things like that.  Well, I didn't want to go back to rules . . . I just got off one 4 year long rule of having to run every day, but I also didn't want to have no rules because that means I will quit running.  So I decided no going more than 2 days without a run.  

In December I decided I didn't want to run because it was cold.  We had a couple snow storms and an ice storm, but I was feeling guilty, so I started to go walk on my treadmill.  That actually helped a little, but then the week before Christmas I missed 3 days in a row and the week after Christmas I didn't run for 5 days (including January 1st).  I actually was sad I didn't run on New Year's day, it's the first year I haven't run on the first day of the year in years (even longer than my runstreak).  but we were coming back from E. WA that day, so I didn't have the time.  

I want to want to run, but I'm struggling with it.  What helped me to start in the first place was reading blogs, especially Katie at Runs for Cookies. I don't know if you've noticed, but blogs aren't very popular anymore and many (most) of the ones I started reading are gone.  And Katie doesn't talk much about running anymore (I still love reading hers, but it doesn't motivate me to run anymore).  So I bought a book.  I've enjoyed a couple of running books, "North" by Scott Jurek, "Running Man: A Memoir," by Charlie Engle, and "Fast Girl; running from madness," by Suzy Favor Hamilton.  I've also read "Wild: From lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail," by Cheryl Strayed (a movie I love with Reese Witherspoon), not a running book, but still inspires me. So I bought a book "Reborn on the Run," by Catra Corbett and Dan England.  I read it in two days.  😊  I also subscribed to Runner's World again.  I haven't been able to read it since my Mom died because she used to subscribe to it for me.  But I need the inspiration right now.

I have a couple other books in my Amazon cart, and I got a couple on Amazon Unlimited, so we will see.  "Reborn on the Run" was a really good book, and yes, it does make me want to run more.  Although Catra, the person the book was about, was an ultrarunner, and I don't have a desire to do that, even after reading her book, or maybe I should say, especially after reading her book.  

One of the things I've struggled with is moving.  I love my new house, but I miss my old neighborhood, and my running routes.  I lived within the same 5 block radius since I moved to Mount Vernon in 2007, even when we moved, I was still able to run the same routes I started on.  Burlington is nothing but dead end streets.  It annoys me. And in order to get even just 3 miles on residential streets (which I like), I have to run through the small downtown.  Otherwise it's running on the dike next to the river.  It's pretty, but I like the houses, I've always enjoyed looking at houses.  

Today I decided I'd go run and through the residential areas, and expected only to get 2 miles.  I ended up with over 3, but I also ended up having to run on a two lane highway for a little while because I misjudged where the trail starts next to that highway.  Where I was was still "residential" but is definitely a highway (Hwy 20) where the speed limit is higher than . . . say Pine St. in the middle of town.  I ended up walking the 0.4 miles after hitting 3 miles.  It is obvious that I'm losing some of my running fitness, I was a little sore after just 3 miles today.  

I think I'm going to sign up for a half marathon for the spring.  That will force me to run. My Mom's death caused me to lose as much interest in running and races, maybe my Dad's death will be my way back into running more.