Alright, that's my goal . . .

I haven't had a goal set in a really long time.  There have been desires, and half goals.  The biggest goal I've had that hasn't been set is to get back down to 145 by the end of February (when we are going to Hawaii), it's a totally doable goal, but one I can't figure out why it's so hard to accomplish.  I've been working on this "half" goal since the beginning of November and I haven't lost a single pound.  I thought I had a break through one week, down 3 lbs, but the very next week I was back up those 3 lbs. 

I say half goal because obviously I'm not trying very hard.  I mean if I was completely serious about it, I'd see results, right?  It's 10 lbs, and I gave myself 4 months.  But it's not happening.

Anyway, I want to be faster.  That seems to be a consistent goal of mine.  But another one that I don't work on much.  So, how do you get faster?  You work on getting faster.  There are many ways a runner can work on getting faster, tempo runs, fartleks, intervals, and hills.  I don't like any of them, but I live on a hill, so that is usually the one that I do.  But right now I also running a mile a day (at least) and when it's only 1 mile, it's on my treadmill.   So I could totally do 1 mile tempo runs, right? 

At first I told myself my 1 mile runs were going to be easy, I set an easy pace on the treadmill 6.4 mph, which equals 9.23 mile/min, but I've been upping the pace lately.  I've decided I'd rather get it done than be on the treadmill for very long.  Last night I set it at 6.6 (9.05m/m).  And on Tuesday I started at 6.4 and then bumped it up to 6.6 at 1 mile and then up to 7.2 (8.23m/m) at 2 miles and I didn't die. 

See, as I type this I don't really know if I'll follow through with it.  There is so much that I don't care about anymore.  Running a lot and running with a specific goal just doesn't hold my interest that much anymore.  I have really enjoyed my run streak and am thinking of keeping it going, at least until I go to Hawaii.  I also have enjoyed the no pressure runs.  I run however far I want, at what ever pace feels good, and I am liking that.

However, I am signed up to do the 2019 Northwest Passage Ragnar.  A Ragnar race is on my bucket list, and I work with someone who is doing it next year.  I mentioned I was interested in it, so she is signing me up with her team.  Mostly I just want the sticker on my car.  ; )

This is what I really want, but don't think it will happen.

Weekend at my Dad's

I get two weeks off of school for Christmas.  It's the only time in the 3 years that I will be in school that I get off unless I request a break.  I am looking forward to those two weeks.  It's kind of strange because the class I am currently in ends next Wednesday and the next class begins on Thursday, 12/13, however, my two week break begins on 12/20.  So I will start a class and have one week and then two weeks off and then go back to the class.  I wish they had just given me the 13th through the 3rd off, and start the new class at that time.  Oh well.  I am happy for the break.

I am still streaking, fully clothed, but at least a mile a day.  Today is day 35 (I haven't run yet, but I will).  Last week there wasn't a lot of running, although I still managed 19 miles.  I'm not really sure how.  Last Sunday, I think I talked about it already, I ran 7 miles and then a friend that was there for dinner said he'd run 2 miles with me after dinner when I asked if anyone wanted to walk because I was so full.  We ended up running 1.73 miles.  Anyway, after that the only other day I ran was Tuesday, and that was 3.1 miles . . . well, I ran 1 mile every other day.  I guess I also ran 3.1 miles on Saturday, which actually was a cool run, but I still was surprised that it all equaled to 19 miles.

I got a call Thursday morning from the school (I think I talked to the school everyday last week), but on Thursday they called to say that Maddox fell and hit his head on the lost and found box and they thought he needed stitches.  The doctor ended up putting 2 stitches in his head, right next to his eye, and then said with his appendectomy and now this, she felt it would be good for him to miss a couple days of school.

Poor guy

I went to my Dad's house on Friday after work to decorate his house with my sister's for Christmas.  He asked us to come forever ago and we figured the weekend after Thanksgiving weekend was a good time to go.  My Mom would have had the house started before Thanksgiving, but she loved decorating . . . and lived there.  So what my Mom would have taken weeks to do, we did in one day, well, not nearly as much as she would have completed. 

She collected nativities, but we didn't put all of them up, I think there were still 5 or 6 that got left out.  She also had a Dicken's Village that is huge.  I put that together with Maddox and my niece, but we didn't get all that up either.  She had so much stuff, it was crazy.  I guess her plan was to expand her table this year, but we didn't make my Dad do that, so I put what I could fit on the table that she used last year. I guess the table last year was so full that there was very little empty space, I didn't attempt to get it all up.  And I didn't use her "snow," that's too much of a mess. 

The bottom picture is my Dad's WSU ornament collection, with a few other sports or farming ornaments thrown in.

The two Christmas decorations that I remember most from my childhood are my Mom's original Nativity and the Advent calendar that she made when my older sisters were little.  We couldn't find either one and we looked everywhere.  My nephew finally found the nativity, but we never did find the advent calendar.  I'm sure my Mom was laughing at us the entire time, but she never told us where it went.  Through the years we've "fought" over who gets the nativity and the advent calendar and my Mom always said she was just going to take them with her.  So we joked about her taking the Advent calendar.

After a very long day I finally got to go for a run.  I had talked to my Dad and my sister about where to run and couldn't decide.  The thing is, my parents live on a hill, so any direction I go, I have to go uphill to get back.  And all the roads are hilly, they don't just live on a hill, they live surrounded by hills . . . and a gravel road.  So I at first thought I'd drive to a town and run somewhere flat, but after the day we had, I didn't really want to go anywhere.  Then my sister suggested that I run towards the highway and then down the highway.  They have been replacing the bridge on that highway for a few months and it's closed.  My Dad's road is the last road before the bridge, so the road is closed there.  I've never run on a state highway before, it was kind of peaceful. 

My sister and her husband decided to drive down to the bridge and go for a walk and then when I got to the bridge they'd take me back.  I was a little worried about the distance (being too far) but as I got closer I realized I should worry about it not being far enough.  I had to turn around and go a little farther to make 3.1. 

My sister and brother-in-law were holding up a stick as a finish line tape, so I put on the Rocky theme song and finished the run.  =)

Thanksgiving

It's been a few weeks since I posted.  There's been a lot, I think, that happened in the last week or so.

A week ago on Sunday, 11/18, Maddox woke up with a scream, literally.  He complained that his tummy hurt, he couldn't move, he couldn't breath, and he was dying.  I'll tell you, there's nothing worse than hearing your child saying "mommy, can you help me" and not knowing what to do, much less what is wrong.  Off we went to the hospital.  Before we got there he seemed to get a little better (no screaming) so I decided on the fly to go to Urgent Care because I thought he'd get in faster than going to the ER with a kid that had a pain, but is no longer in excruciating pain.  He was seen within 10 min . . .

Anyway, he went over to get an ultrasound on his appendix and it showed that his appendix was slightly inflamed and it had a "stone" in it.  Google it, it's a real thing, it's calcified fecal deposits. So off we went to the hospital to be admitted for an appendectomy.

We were there from around 12pm to 3pm before anyone came to talk to us.  And at that time Maddox wasn't complaining of pain anymore, so the glorified nurse surgeon's assistant said he wanted to talk to the surgeon before prepping him for surgery.  Another 3 hours later, the surgeon came in and said she didn't want to do surgery on a child who exhibited no symptoms and had a "iffy" ultrasound.  Which means that we were released, close to 7 hours after getting there and with no treatment at all done.

I did get my mile run in.

Wednesday afternoon came and I got a call from the school nurse saying that Maddox was crying  and saying he couldn't breath.  She thought maybe he was having a panic attack or something.  I asked if his stomach hurt, to which he replied yes.  So Chris went to pick him up and took him to the dr's office, where they sent him to the ER to get another ultrasound (they couldn't just send him to the hospital, he had to go in through the ER).  I got there and the surgeon's assistant said that his appendix was more inflamed than on Sunday and he needed to have an appendectomy.  So back up to the hospital.

He had surgery at about 11:30pm Wednesday night and we spent the entire next day (remember, this is Thanksgiving) in the hospital before he was released about 7pm. 

He seems to be doing okay, but it was not a great Thanksgiving for us.  I did manage to get away to do a 3 mile run, which was nice because I really needed to clear my head. 

This weekend I am going to eastern WA to decorate my dad's house with my sisters.  I am really, really not looking forward to that at all.  My Mom loved Christmas and her house was always decorated to the nine's (as she would say).  So it will be very difficult to go through all her decorations and put them up.

There is a picture of just my Mom's tree, but it's from several years ago, and I can't find it at the moment, so you get this one from 2 years ago instead.  Ignore me.  =)

Not a lot today

I have successfully run 14 days out of 14 (yes, I know that today is the 15th, I run in the evening, so I'll run tonight).  There's only been one day that I haven't wanted to run, last night, but I put on my shoes (and shorts) and ran one mile.  Tonight is the Seahawks game, so it's a short 3 miles on the treadmill while the game is on. (Sadly)

The biggest reason I didn't want to run last night was because I had homework to do and I didn't want to wait.  Well, I didn't really want to do my homework, but that also is non-negotiable.  I have yet to turn in any school work late, but there are definitely times when I don't feel like doing it.  I also notice when I have a paper due for school I don't feel like writing on here, and that is what I am feeling today.

This week has been ridiculously busy.  I don't know why this week has been worse than other weeks, I don't really know why.  Today has been the first day I haven't been running around crazily at work.  In fact, I knew that I wouldn't have a lot to do today and almost called in sick today.  I didn't, but I should have.  ; )

So, last Friday was the first weigh in after my official knuckle down and actually start working on it again.  And I lost 2 lbs.  It's hard to say that because I think that I'm going to gain this week.  The biggest thing I did last week was really cut down on my wine intake.  And I also didn't eat out at all for lunch or get coffee.  This week I've already had more wine, and eaten out 2 times.  I guess we'll see.

Last week I mentioned that the fast run is what really bothers my hip, well, I think it's either the increase in running (which really isn't that much, just about 3 more miles a week, but I'm still under 20 miles weekly) or the weather.  I didn't have much problem after I quit my pace runs in the summer, but I only did one fast run and it still is bothering me.  I did hear somewhere that weather does affect arthritis, so I'm thinking it's the colder, wetter weather.

This was from my Saturday run.  I ran 3 miles on the treadmill and then the neighbor kids and Maddox wanted to go for a run so we went around the block, and then they weren't done so we went around the bigger block.  We probably ran .75 miles but I only turned my Garmin on after starting the second block.  =)

Days 1-6 of a runstreak

I will say . . . and will probably change my mind . . . but a run streak is not that hard.  I am lucky in that I have a treadmill in my living room.  It was put there for my husband to be more active because he said he would use it if it was there, but I have used it more than him, and I don't use it very often.  It has mostly been a jungle gym for Maddox.  However, it is great for a run streak in November when I get home after dark and don't want run outside for 1 mile. 

My first run was a 1 mile run on my treadmill on November 1st.  I discovered that my Garmin watch is pretty accurate to my treadmill.  It was slightly off, but there was a moment when the belt slipped on the treadmill and I grabbed the railing. If my arms are not moving, then the Garmin does not accurately count my steps on a run. 

My second run was also on the treadmill.  It was still light out when I got home, but I was home alone with Maddox and couldn't go outside for a run.  I decided to only do 3.1 miles because, well let's face it, treadmill running sucks (even for 1 mile).  Again I noticed that if my arms weren't moving then the Garmin wouldn't accurately track distance.  There were a couple times I started swinging my arm faster than my legs to make up for the times that I wiped my face or messed with my phone.  (I don't have this issue when I run outside, probably because of GPS.)

Yay! Saturday and a day home where I can run outside during daylight hours . . . except everyone in my family who could watch Maddox, works on Saturday.  Luckily he started playing with a friend and asked to go to his house for awhile.  So I called the parents and asked if they minded if I went for a run (they live down the street and often the kids just go to each other's house randomly).  So I was able to do a 5 mile run in the rain. yay =|

 It was very wet, I wasn't even halfway done when the water started dripping off the brim of my hat. 

Sunday was another 5 mile run, nothing especially exciting about this run.  

Monday is almost always my rest day, so 1 mile on the treadmill.  

My animals have discovered my electric blanket.

And then yesterday I decided to try 3 miles at the fastest I could run.  I have decided that if I want to get faster, I have to actually work at it.  So the slower miles are nice, but there has to be some sort of faster runs in there so that I actually get faster.  I am not fast, my fastest 3 miles turns out to be a 8:38 min/mile average.  Granted, I don't consider that slow, but I really did feel like I was dying at times.  I even stopped a couple times and walked once or twice.  I think my actually running time was closer to an 8 min/mile, but when you factor in the stops and the walking, it slows down the average.  In my defense (of dying) I ran my normal 3 mile route, and that includes a steep incline at mile 0.2-0.5  with a gradual incline at mile 1-1.5.  I sprinted up that first hill (and then stopped), then ran fairly fast up the second incline (and then stopped).

I did remember after I laid down last night that the fast running is really what causes my hip to hurt the most.  I haven't had an issue with it since I quit doing pace runs, and actually forgot that I had problems with it after the pace runs this summer.  I briefly thought about putting ice on it as I was laying in bed, but then fell asleep.  Once I got to work I noticed it was bothering me again so I put ice on it for a little bit.  

My plan is to keep the slower runs for the majority of my runs, and I'm not looking at pace for my 1 mile runs.  In fact on Monday I set it at a 6 and left it (turns out that is a 9:59 min/mile, for sharing purposes my Garmin rounded down, so the extra 6 seconds were from going over 1 mile).  But I would like to do one faster run a week.  I guess we'll see how that works.  =)

Hello November

I have never been a huge fan of November.  There's nothing exciting happening outside.  Yes, we get 2 extra days off for Thanksgiving, but really there's nothing else exciting that happens.  The weather gets colder, everything just seems grey and dreary.  Western Washington is even worse because it really gets grey, the rain starts (well, it often starts sooner) and it just is pervasive.  The rain here is more of a mist than a rain.  I have actually walked around outside thinking it wasn't raining to go inside and realize my hair is soaked.  I hate it.  A friend of mine posted this on Facebook today and I liked it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still not excited about November, but I do like this post.

One thing that I've been a little excited about is . . . a run streak!  I've been thinking about it a lot, and I'm going to do it. In fact, I don't think I'm going to wait for Thanksgiving.  For some reason, this weekend I really wanted to start it, but I decided to wait for November 1st (today!).  I don't normally subscribe to the belief of waiting till Monday, the first of the month, the first of the year, but this time I decided that's what I wanted to do.  I am going to run every day for at least a mile for all of November and December.

Well, last weeks running . . .

Only 2 runs.  7 miles on Sunday, which I already posted, and 4 miles on Tuesday.  I was crazy busy every day after work last week and only got those 4 miles in by running in Marysville while waiting to meet a friend after work.  That was a fun one.  I don't know Marysville (a town between my home and where I "officially" work).  I found a park on Google Maps and drove there. I changed in the restroom (yuck) and ran in a straight path 2 miles out and turned around and ran 2 miles back. 

Friday I went to my dad's house.  Sunday was the Tri-Cities marathon, which I did not run.  I did tell my brother-in-law that I wasn't running and he invited me to do Crossfit with him.  I did a 40 min session and it didn't feel extremely hard in the moment but the next day I couldn't lift my arms.  I did a 4 mile run on Sunday after I got home.

Tuesday I did another 4 mile run and I am going to run at least 1 mile today. 

I realized the other day that I am 4 months away from going to Hawaii.  My sister and her husband started doing a diet plan, 30/10 Fitness for Life because my brother-in-law needs to lose weight (dr's orders).  They are losing a lot of weight, although I don't recommend their diet.  You can only have food once a day, otherwise it's smoothies or some sort of snack that they provide.  I guess they can eat vegetables (not all, no carrots) and no fruit at all.  It's a completely carb free diet.  My sister has been pretty worried about what happens when they are done, but she's doing it and hoping for the best for my brother-in-law.  He has a great track record of losing the weight, but always gains it back within a few months of reaching maintenance. 

What does this have to do with Hawaii?  Well, my sister is losing weight . . . she's been slightly (not a lot) heavier than me since I started running, if she loses weight and I don't, then I become the "fat sister."  That sounds really terrible, she isn't/wasn't fat, but I picture myself being fat . . .  It's not about competition, it doesn't bother me that she'd be thinner than me, but I just don't want to look fat in comparison to her, which is why I need to lose weight as well.

So, I need to get serious about my eating.  I've been comfortable with how I look for awhile, but I know that I can be thinner.  I loved the way I looked in 2015 right before my first marathon.

2015

2018

Not quite comparable pictures, but as close as I can get.  You can definitely see that my boobs are bigger, and my stomach is poochier now. 

My week in running

Well, another low mileage week.  Last week I ran once, on Wednesday for 3 miles and then on Friday for 3 miles.  Saturday I had grand plans to go for a run with Maddox.  There is a very pretty trail 10 minutes from my house that is flat and runs along Padilla Bay.  I've walked it a couple times with my sister, but I've always been a runner that prefers to run straight from my house.  I always feel that if I plan to drive somewhere to run (other than a race) I won't do it, so I've never run this trail but I've thought about it often.

 On Wednesday when I ran I decided to go to Maddox's soccer practice and then down a trail to home.  Well, I was only about 3 blocks from the road to my house when my toe hit a curb and I crash landed.  There is something about falling that is interesting.  I never really believe I'm going to hit the ground until I do.  I think right up to the end that I am going to magically catch myself. Well, I did not . . . I hit and rolled, scraping my elbow and weird spots on my hand and one finger, like the very tip of one finger.  When I got to the trail I realized that it is no longer summer, and if I start a run after 6pm, likely I will be running in the dark.  The trail that I was running on is fine during the day, but is rather sketchy at night, so I got off it right away and went a different way home.

My run on Wednesday made me realize how early it gets dark now, so I got out my night running gear and went for my first dark run. . . Well, actually I rode the bus home on Friday and then forgot my phone on the bus.  Knowing that the bus was headed north after dropping me off to Bellingham (a 45 min drive north) I realized I needed to catch it before it left town.  After a crazy drive through town and a very nice dispatcher, I got my phone, but by then it was after 7pm.  I thought about skipping my run, but I didn't. But I did only do 3 miles again.

Since Damian got his most recent job he works every Saturday from 8-5, and Chris changed his schedule a few years ago and works Saturday as well, so I've struggled with my Saturday runs.  I tried early in the summer to take Maddox with me on a bike ride, but his bike was too small and he didn't enjoy it.  I ended up running around the middle school track for 3 miles or so while he played in the grass and was completely bored. But so was I, I hate track running.  Anyway, Maddox got a bike for his birthday (in June *ahem*) and I keep meaning to take him again to see how he does, but I've been lazy with that.  So I decided I would pack his bike into my car and go to the Padilla Bay trail and run while he rode.  I thought the trail was 2 1/2 miles one way, so i thought a 5 mile run would be great (it is only a little over 2 miles, but that didn't matter afterall).

When I shoved Maddox's bike in my car (no bike rack) I caught the chain on something and popped it off its track.  It took a little maneuvering to get it back on, but I did.  Then he was riding soooooo slow, I kept getting after him, and he finally said "it's so hard!"  At first I couldn't figure out why he'd think riding on a flat, well-maintained trail was hard, then I realized his bike has gears and it was probably in a high one.  So I got it down to a lower gear and we started again when I noticed his front tire was flat, like pancake flat.  So we limped the bike back to the car. He had rolled over a tack (or I did when I was fixing his gears). 

Maddox said he was good to go for a run with me, so we headed back out. I had to readjust how far we were going to go.  I knew he'd never make 2 miles one way and then have to turn around and do another 2, so I kept thinking I could get him to 1.5 with a total of 3 . . . he didn't even make it to one mile.  He tried to run back with me, but he kept walking.  So finally I put him on my back and gave him a piggy back ride back to the car.  I didn't take any pictures of that run, which I'm kinda bummed about, but oh well.

Sunday I went for a 6 mile run that ended up being 7 miles.  It was a really nice run.  I have to say, fall running is my absolute favorite, especially when it's sunny like it's been for the last 2 weeks or so.  I love the leaves and the crisp air.  As much as I love the warmth of the summer, it makes for miserable running. 

I have been kicking around the idea of a run streak.  I know that there is a popular one from Thanksgiving through New Year's.  I've never done a run streak, but for some reason, this year, it sounds interesting.  The rules of a run streak are that you have to run at least one mile every single day.  There was a story on the news a few weeks ago about a guy with the 5th longest run streak, he had ran for 40+ years, every day, one mile.  Then one day he was hurt and he quit mid-run.  I can't imagine running that much, I think he was in his late 70's when he quit.  Then I heard my supervisor and another lady at my work talking about their 100 day run streak (they didn't really do it though, they committed to 100 miles in 100 days but they counted a 5 mile run and then they didn't have to run for 4 days if they didn't want to, and neither one of them actually accomplished 100 miles in 100 days), but it got me thinking that it would be interesting if I could do it.

I am terrible at follow through, unless it's a race.  So I wonder if I can come up with some sort of reward for completing it.  I don't know what that would be though.  It has to be something I wouldn't do or get anyway. 

Happy October

Well, my two week reprieve from paper writing was over this week.  My school goes from Thursday to Wednesday, so yesterday was the last day of my school week and today is the first day of my new school week.  So my paper for "last" week was due yesterday.  Yesterday was also the last day of that particular class.  Each class is 8 weeks and there are no breaks between classes.  So today I start a whole new week and a new class.  It's continuous all year.  I think they take off 2 weeks at Christmas (which will be very, very nice), but it's the only break unless I request one.  By next summer I may be ready for one, but the more I take off the longer it'll be before I graduate. 

Anyway,  I say all that becaue I have definitely noticed when I have a paper in my class I'm less likely to write on here.  I'd like to change that because I do like writing just for fun, but I do get tired of it. =)

Anyway, I am enjoying my runs right now.  It feels calm.  I don't know how to explain it, but I don't dread them and if I don't feel like running, then I don't.  I didn't run on Sunday because we had a crazy busy day.  So I was going to run on Monday instead (I rarely run on Mondays)  However, I got home and Damian had gotten pizza, so I grabbed a slice, ate it and then took a bath.  It was nice, I didn't regret not running at all.  Tuesday I couldn't run because I was hanging out with my sister.  So the first run I did this week was yesterday, 3 miles. 

I will say, I do get that twinge of thinking only 3 miles and it's already Thursday, that means I have to run today, tomorrow, and Saturday to make up for it.  But then I tell myself, no I don't have to do anything.  This may change, I can already feel it changing, but for now, I'm good.

So my weekend . . . it was ridiculous.  I don't know if I mentioned it but when my uncle died he gave all of his neices and nephew (one nephew) a small inheritance.  He was never married and had no kids but it was still a nice surprise.  My aunt died a few years ago, who was also not married with no kids, and she left everything to her siblings, so we figured that would be the way it would happen with all our single aunts (two) and (one) uncle. 

Anyway,  I would like to put some of the money I got from my uncle away for my kids and I've been putting off looking into it.  So Saturday I decided I would go to a couple banks and talk to them about it, it's not enough to really invest, so I was thinking some sort of high interest savings or a CD.  "High interest" my butt, they are marginally higher than a regular savings and the CD was marginally higher than that.  Completely ridiculous.  But it made for a busy morning. 

Then I took Maddox to lunch and we bought a couple Halloween decorations at Lowe's.  I have discovered that Maddox is very, very into "Happy Halloween" as he calls it.  He really wanted decorations so I bought some just for him.  Then I went to the running store because the shoes I bought on my birthday gave me blisters on the arches of my feet, which are terrible.  But I got new ones and a pair of socks in exchange.

Sunday we went grocery shopping, then spent 2 hours (at least) in Verizon getting new phones.  After that we went to the pumpkin patch. 

We took a family photo, but it's on Chris's phone, which means I'll never see it.

Random thoughts

In March (well, I suppose it was the end of April) I lost my myfitnesspal streak.  I had a streak of over 2 years of faithfully logging into myfitnesspal.  Granted, I didn't always log my food, especially for the first 6 months or year, I would sometimes, especially at the beginning of that streak (I previously had a streak of over a year before this one), just log in so that I didn't lose my streak.  After losing my 2 year streak, I've been rather sporadic on logging my food.  (Well, there's losing the streak and then losing my mom that has made me less likely to care about what I'm eating.)

I posted the other day about getting myself a new Garmin watch.  One of the features of Garmin (I suppose it's actually the Garmin Connect app, not necessarily the watch) is that it syncs with myfitnesspal and will also keep track of my calories . . . so when I put the watch on and was looking at the app on my phone, I realized that in order to see my calorie intake, I need to actually record what I'm eating.  I suppose we'll see how I do with that.

Honestly, I have noticed that things that I used to care about don't matter so much anymore.  I attribute that to my Mom's death.

• *Side note - someone recently asked me about me saying "death," "died," and "dead" instead of "passing" or some other term that isn't so harsh.  And I realized that I use dead because I'm so angry about it.  Saying my mom "passed" or "is gone" is too nice.  It's just not fair or okay that she died and I want to use as harsh a wording as I can because I'm not okay with it.

Anyway, the other features of my watch that I'm obsessed with is the heart rate monitoring.  I looked up healthy resting heart rates and what I saw said 60-100 beats a min is in the normal range, but really fit people often have resting heart rates lower than 60.  I want to be considered healthy, so I've been looking at it constantly.  Right now my average is 59. yesterday it was 58 but for some reason last night I couldn't get it below 70 consistently, but I really, really want it to be lower.  It's ironic that I've been looking at it so much because I just recently read a post from MaryFran (shout out 2 posts in a row) =) where she talked about her brother going to the ER because he fell while riding his mountain bike.  While in the ER he fell asleep and the heart monitors went off because his resting heart rate is so low that while he was sleeping it dipped way down (which was fine for him).  I thought #goals! 

I've even been waking up at night (well, I always wake up a little) and look at it to see what my heart rate is down to.  I didn't see anything lower than 54 the first night, but Monday morning on my way to work I noticed it had gotten high (mid-90's) so I started deep breathing and got it all the way down into the 40's (while driving, pretty impressive).

I've thought that it would be a good thing for Chris to have.  I bet he has no idea what his resting heart rate is, but if he got as obsessed with it as I have become, maybe he'd work to get a little healthier.

So back to that post I linked to from March.  It's strange to look at a post dated March 1st.  My Mom died March 5th, and when I wrote that post I had no idea she was going to die.  She was in the hospital at the time, but we didn't know until March 3 that her condition was so serious.  It's like reading something from a simpler time, a time when I didn't have so much stress and sadness and worry about my dad.  A time when my biggest concern was my monthly goals, losing weight, hiking more, stretching more, and a running PR. So much has changed in just 7 months.

To lighten the mood . . . Maddox has been sticking his head out the window on his way to soccer.  He is such a goofy kid, I had to take a picture.  I posted it on Instagram and said something about not knowing I was raising a dog.  =D

Maybe I should go back and read the beginning of the year's posts.  Especially the goal posts.  I just read my posts from March, and the goals I had back then really were goals I'd like to work on.  Healthy eating, less wine, more stretching, hiking, and running.  Maybe having a focus on this type of stuff would be good for me for right now.

Last night I ran another 5 miles, and I have to say that I am enjoying not focusing on the pace.  It wasn't fast (9.43 min/mile), and while sometimes I have urges to be faster, when I'm starting a run the thought of going faster makes me want to quit.  I think consistent running will naturally make me faster.  It did in 2015 and before.  I was running my shorter distances at close to an 8 min/mile without trying. 

But honestly, while part of me wants to be faster, I am also okay with where I am right now.  I still would like to have a marathon of under 4 hours, but I think with consistent running and some speed work next spring it will be "easy."  (What a way to set myself up for failure . . .)

Crossroads

Wow! Another week without a paper due for school.  That's 2 weeks in a row, which means that you get another post from me.  =)  This particular class is almost over, it is on Addictions counseling and I'm ready for it to be done.  One and a half more weeks . . .

Saturday was my birthday.  I turned 42, which makes me wonder how I got here.  How did I get to be 40, much less 42?  Anyway, it was a nice day.  Chris and Damian both worked, but Maddox had a soccer game and my dad and sister came up for that.  We went out to lunch and then I bought new running shoes.

I bought Hoka's which I've never had before.  I was pretty excited to go run afterwards.  I did 5 miles and was really disappointed that I had rub spots on both feet in the arches and on my right pinkie toe.  Thankfully I got them at the local running shop and they allow returns even if you've worn them.  I may have time today to go return them.

That evening Chris and I went to a nearby town for dinner.  We were there over the summer with my sister and her husband (and kids) and I thought it looked like a really nice place to have a nice dinner, so we went back.  I enjoyed it a lot.

On Sunday we officially celebrated my birthday.  I had ordered myself a new Garmin running watch (Forerunner 35) and it came in the mail (through Amazon) on Sunday, which was super exciting.  I was supposed to run 10 miles in preparation for the half marathon at the end of the month, but I didn't want to run.  Like really didn't want to run.  However, I had my new Garmin, so I decided to go run 5 miles.

I wouldn't say I enjoyed my run a lot, but I'm glad I did it.  I also opened my birthday presents and I was pleasantly surprised that Damian got me a really nice hiking backpack.

I guess that means I'm gonna have to do some long distance hiking.  =)

So marathon . . . or half marathon training.  I don't think I'm into it.  This makes 2 weekends in a row that I didn't run as far as I should have.  Last weekend I ran 7 miles instead of 8 or 9, this week 5 miles instead of 10.  The half marathon is in 3 weeks and i haven't run farther than 7 miles in over a month.  I don't think I can run 13 miles comfortably.  I am not sure where I stand running wise right now. . . I'm not feeling the long distances, I get the desire, but then when it's actually time to do it I don't want to.

I've been debating about going back to running just because.  When I first started running I was running 5 days a week, and while I don't think I'm going to do that, I was also running because I enjoyed it.  I had no goals and no time expectations.  I'm thinking I might do that for awhile.  Run when I want, as slow as I want without any pressure of "I have to go XX distance at X.XX pace."

Several months ago someone I've been following since I started blogging, MaryFran, wrote "I need to stop thinking about the distance I used to run.  I need to stop thinking about the pace I used to run.  I need to just run the best I can at the point that I am at right now" and it really resonates with me.  That is where I want to be now.

I guess we'll see how that goes.

Oh, and I love my new Garmin . . . it measures heart rate on my wrist and tells me how I slept, reminds me to get up and move around (which I need to do) and links to my phone so I get notifications on it . . . oh and controls the music on my phone.  (I only slept about 1 hour of deep sleep last night, broken up throughout the night, which is not great, and my resting heart rate average is 60, which is really good.)

September

Have you noticed I've been MIA for the last month?  I had zero posts in September.  I don't think I've ever gone an entire month with zero posts since I started this blog.  I just haven't felt like writing.  And there are a couple reasons for that . . . the biggest one being that I am writing a paper every week for school.

But the other reason is that I'm not running much.  My last post was a triumphant post about finishing 15 miles even though I didn't feel like it at first and maybe continuing with marathon training. . . Well, right after that post, 2 days after that post, Chris got a call saying his Grandpa was dying, and then a few hours later that he had died.

His Grandpa was a World War II Vet, so they ended up taking over a week to get the arrangements for his military service.  I had a planned trip with my sister the second weekend of September to go to Leavenworth for the wine walk (that we always do). I was happy that I was able to do that with her because for awhile I was afraid I'd have to cancel it to go to a funeral. 

We even bought special shirts this year!

So, I came home for 3 days and then we went to the Vancouver, WA area (I can't remember exactly where, but it was down that way somewhere) for Chris's Grandpa's funeral.  I didn't care for his Grandpa much, he wasn't a very nice man, but I do really like Chris's family.  At least that side of his family.  We had a very good visit and I remembered how much I enjoy hanging out with them (it's been 5 years since the last time). 

I even ran with his brother who is very into Crossfit right now. 

By the way, never trust a guy who says he thinks he knows where he's going.  We were going to do 5 miles and I trusted that he knew how to get to a trail, we never found the trail and ended up with under 3 miles. 

I didn't take many pictures on this trip.  I just didn't think of it.  We left on Saturday morning and Sunday was Damian's birthday, so they celebrated his birthday with cheesecake on Friday night.

Anyway, back to running . . . I never ran more than that 15 miles at the end of August.  And by the time of Chris's Grandpa's funeral I decided that I wasn't going to push myself to run 26.2 miles undertrained like I did last year.  In some ways I still feel like I'm recovering from that marathon, and all the half marathons I did last year.

I do feel that I do better at running when I have a goal.  Which I don't currently have.  Well, I do, but they won't happen till next year. (I want to run Ragnar and I want an under 4 hour marathon).  I am going to go to my Dad's the weekend of the Tri-Cities Marathon, and I think I'm going to run the half marathon.  I guess I need to figure out when I need to register for that (hopefully I haven't missed it).

The day marathon training ended . . .

maybe . . .

Sunday I had scheduled 15 miles on my calendar.

Well, let me back up a little.

After a rocky start with marathon training in July between my family vacation and a conference taking up 2 weeks of the month I only ran 62 miles.  I decided in August I would do my best to make up for lost time and be as close to my training plan as I could be.  Which I mostly have succeeded at.  I've been about 3-5 miles behind my scheduled weekly mileage, but I was doing good.

I stayed on schedule for the Bridge of the Gods weekend.  But then the very next weekend happened and my family went camping, so I skipped 2 runs, including a long run of 15 miles.  And then my uncle died.  However, I came back from eastern WA on Saturday so was able to run 7 miles (I was supposed to do a pace run) and then 15 miles on Sunday.

My Saturday run started out okay. I ran uphill for the first couple miles and then was going downhill or flat. My first mile was 9.15 min/mile and the second one was 9.27 min/mile (my race pace is under 9.09 min/mile). The next 3 miles were under race pace, and I was excited because mapmyrun was telling me my average was under 9.09 min/mile. Then I made a decision that screwed my average.  I decided to go up a mile long hill.  I had calculated that if I stayed on the flat path I had planned, I would have more than 7 miles, and I didn't really want that, so instead of turning to avoid the hill, I ran straight up it.  And my last 2 miles were 9.49 and 10.49 min/miles.  Don't ask me why the last mile was 10.49, that was a slow upgrade with a half mile of gradual downgrade, and is usually my fastest.  I would guess I was just really tired from the fast pace in the middle of the run and the hill at the end.   My average pace ended up as a 9.24 min/mile which is a "good effort."

Because I was unable to run while camping (or just too lazy) I "had" to do 15 miles on Sunday in order to stay on any sort of marathon track.

After my half marathon 3 weeks ago, my left foot has been bothering me a little off and on with plantar faciitis pain.  My hip has been okay, but my foot has not.  Then the standing on the tall ships 2 weeks ago didn't help it, and I still planned to do 15 miles.

I don't know if it was the 7 miles the day before, or what, but as soon as I left my house I felt like turning around.  My left foot hurt and my right calf was tight.  I ran, but I really didn't want to.  I had looked on mapmyrun at August 2015 at a 15 mile run then to determine what route to take, and it was an easy one.  Uphill at the beginning but then after going down hill a little, flat for close to 13 miles, easy, right?

But no, my head was telling me how stupid this was.  I was thinking about the goals for this marathon, mainly that I want to be under 4 hours, and how that will never happen with my race pace runs not happening and my long runs feeling awful.  And I was thinking I can't.  I hurt. I want to quit.

So I stopped.  5 and a half miles in, full stop.  I called Damian.  After I told him I was tired and hurting, he says "what do you want me to do?"  And I said I just need someone to talk to me.  I think I was looking for him to say stop, come home.  He didn't, he said you'll regret it if you don't finish.  I told him the reasons why I wanted to run this marathon and that my goal will more than likely not happen.  He said so? you do it to prove that you still can.

I told him I was also doing it to be skinnier, I lost a bunch of weight in 2015 training the first time and I wanted to lose the weight I gained almost 2 years ago.  I said I know I'm not fat, I just want to be skinnier.  And he said, "Mom, you look great for your age." (Thanks Damian.) "I feel weird saying this outloud, but you look good, much better than other women your age.  You don't need to lose weight."

I told him that if I didn't do 15 miles today it meant that my marathon training was over.  There's no way I'd catch up with all the breaks I've had until now.  He said, go slow, finish it.  Decide tomorrow if you want to quit marathon training.  Train next year for your under 4 hour marathon, but finish this run.

I said okay, hung up, and walked.  Then started jogging slowly.  Then stopped again and text Damian.  "Nope. I'm done."  I turned around and started running again.  Immediately I felt lighter.  My foot didn't hurt as much, I didn't notice the tightness in my calf anymore.  So I text him again and said he didn't need to come pick me up, I'd run home.  I thought that from where I turned around I'd be about 10 miles total and I thought that'd be good enough, especially if I'm not running a marathon now.

Well, I got to mile 8 and realized I still had maybe 4 miles left of the run. And then I thought, why stop at 12?  What's 3 more miles?  I would have to run past my stopping point, but I've done that before, so I just kept running.  I was slow, but I was running.  My goals for my long runs are right around a 10 min/mile, but after mile 5 I never made it that fast again.  Other than mile 5 (which was a 12.32 min/mile) and mile 6 (which was 11.30 min/mile) I went to 10 and a half and progressively got slower for the rest of the run.

BUT I ran 15 miles.

Monday my entire left leg ached, from my arthritic hip to my plantar faciitis foot.  I was hobbling around like I broke my ankle or something.  But, marathon training may not be over. . . we shall see.

There are a couple lessons learned from this run . . . one, my son is amazing.  He simply is an awesome person and I'm so glad I can call him my son. 

Two . . . your head really does dictate what you can accomplish.  The entire first 5-6 miles my head was saying "I can't."  As soon as I turned around I felt better.  And then, at mile 8 when I decided to do 15 miles instead of 12, that got stuck in my head.  I began calculating how to get the 3 miles I had cut off in the middle done at the end, and my attitude went to "I can."  And I did.

Camping and a funeral

The very next weekend (August 17) after the Bridge of the Gods half my family had planned our annual family trip.  We have always taken this trip in February, but after our trip last year, we decided we wanted to do something in the summer.  We planned this trip almost a year ago, with my Mom still in the picture.  Both my Mom and my Dad wanted to go to a campground near where I live, Bayview State Park, and I grumbled about it for a year because it was so close to my home.  However, it was really nice, and I would totally do it again.

So my Dad went from Oregon, up the coast a little way to Long Beach, WA for a few days and then up to Bayview.  He did that because he didn't want to haul his 5th wheel to Oregon, back home and then to the coast 3 days later.  So his plan was to be gone for a total of 11 days.

Well, he came up to Bayview on Thursday and then to my house for dinner and back to the campground for the night.  My sister called me Friday morning and said that our Dad had called her and he had gotten a call from my cousin.  My cousin said that they realized they hadn't seen my uncle for several days so they went looking for him.  My Dad, cousin, and uncle all live within a 2 mile radius, and my Dad and uncle worked together on the farm until they retired 5 years ago. And after that they talked every day unless one of them was gone.

My cousin went to my uncle's house and found my uncle on the floor of his room, still alive, but he had been laying there for 2 days or so.  He went to the hospital and they discovered he had a heart attack.  Plus he was having trouble breathing on his own, and his kidneys weren't working.  My dad decided to go home Friday night.

My sisters and I were already camping and had paid for the sites we were in.  Plus, my dad had really wanted to do the "tall ships"  and had paid for us to tour them.  It was quite a journey to get where they were, and the tickets were nonrefundable, so even though my dad wasn't there, we went anyway.  Besides, we knew he'd ask us how it was and we couldn't tell him we skipped it.

It really wasn't what I was expecting, but it was fun.  It was a long day with Maddox being tired and whiny, but it was okay.

There were two ships and they "battled" each other.  It was different . . . another 2 hour tour.  =) (I know Gilligan's Island is a "3 hour tour" but it still ran through my head for the second week in a row.)

We spent Sunday morning at the campground, one of my sisters, the one that lives in eastern WA, decided to go home a day early.  My other sister, her husband, Chris, Maddox and I all piled into a car and went to Anacortes, where we discovered amazing donuts, but not much else. We got back into the car and went to LaConnor and went through a couple antique stores and walked along the river.  It was okay.

On Monday my Dad called. My uncle needed a pacemaker, but because his kidneys had stopped working they couldn't put one in.  So they started dialysis, unfortunately because he was so weak already his heart gave out and he died.

I was not close to my uncle, I liked him, but wasn't close.  My Dad however . . . well, he lost his wife and best friend/brother in less than 6 months of each other.  So on Thursday I went to eastern WA for his service.  I came back on Saturday.

Bridge of the Gods half marathon

I have a lot to post since I haven't written anything in almost 3 weeks.  A lot happened in August and I haven't been good at keeping up with writing here, so you are going to get at least 2 posts back to back. =)

August 10th I went to Cascade Locks, OR to run the Bridge of the Gods half marathon, which was hard!  I did not train for that race figuring that since my marathon training had my long run as 14 miles that week I would be fine.  Well, the Bridge of the Gods half is pretty hilly.  Well, this year the first half was, with long uphills.  I guess that the usual route is on trails in the hills, but last year there was a HUGE fire in that area (that residents are still angry about and talked about, some kids lit off some fireworks in the hills in September last year, during a very, very dry spell, and sparked a fire that burned 48,861 acres) that made the trail the route is usually on unusable still. If the route had been on those trails I don't know if I would have finished.

I mentioned the reasons why I did this race in my last post so I won't make this long post longer by rehashing it.  However, I will say it was my Mom's birthday, so I wrote on the back of my legs (or my Dad did). 

I met up with my high school friend at the start line and we talked about not wanting to hold each other up.  She said she was averaging about 9.30 min/miles and I mentioned that my most current long run was an average of about 9.45 min/mile (actually it was more like 9.50).  She said that sounded "heavenly."  She also said that she doesn't talk when she runs, and I said that was fine because I always run alone.  So we put an earbud in one of our ears and off we went . . . together. 

The start was going over the bridge which was pretty cool because it was a grate and you could see all the way to the river below (I have no issues with heights, by the way). 

Like I said, the first half was hilly, really just two long uphills (with corresponding downhills).  My friend has a different approach to hills than I do . . . I don't know if you remember my San Juan half experience last year where two guys walked up all the hills and then ran down them and still beat me by a decent margin.  Well, my friend had a similar strategy, slow uphill and speed up on the downhill.  This is not how I train, I always slow down on the downhill, not only am I afraid of hurting myself, but it's also when I recoup from the uphill.  Well, we were doing 8 and 8 and a half min/miles on the downhill.  I knew I was going too fast, but I thought I'd be okay.

I wasn't.  At about the 7 mile mark she got a few feet ahead of me and I just couldn't catch up.  Finally I embraced the slowness (my legs were killing me) and let her go without saying anything.  She would have slowed down if I had said something and I didn't want to hinder her.  I finished, but the last half was achingly slow.

I hadn't seen my friend since our high school graduation.  In fact, I use the term "friend" loosely.  While we were friendly in high school we didn't hang out or do anything together.  I graduated 23 years ago, and I haven't talked to her at all since then.  We follow each other on Facebook but that's it.  We had some time after the race to talk, and we discussed doing another race together.  One of those conversations that go like "That was fun, we should do it again." "Yes it was, we should totally run together again."

Cascade Locks is a tiny town.  I'm from a tiny town (well, a farm, but I went to school in a tiny town) and Cascade Locks may be smaller.  Well, looking at Google, it says it's population is 1,158 as of 2016 which is double my hometown (550), but it looks tiny.  My dad and I were going to "explore" the town after my race on Sunday, but when we went out on Saturday to get my packet we drove through the town and there was nothing to "explore." 

He really wanted to go on a sternwheel boat tour that they had there, so we did that on Saturday and that was a lot of fun.

That's my dad under the "C" on the top.

Maddox was pretty done with the boat by the time we got off, it was a 2 hour tour (I had the Gilligan's Island song in my head the whole time).  After we were done with the tour I picked up my packet and explored the finish line. 

On Sunday after my race, since there was nothing to explore, we went back to the campground and hung out there for the afternoon.  We stayed at a KOA, so there was a pool and bikes to rent.  My dad kept talking about having to rent the bikes, he thought the campground was expensive enough they could have offered the bikes for free.  Maddox had been asking to ride a bike all weekend, so I decided to rent one ($4 for a half hour) for him. 

He also had been enjoying the pool the entire weekend, so I spent some time in the pool with him and then lounged on a chair while he swam (floated, really).

There may or may not have been most of a bottle of
wine in this water bottle.

We did end up going out to dinner that evening.  And then we left Monday morning to go home, well, Maddox and I went home, my dad went to Long Beach, WA because the next week we had a family camping trip scheduled with my sisters in Bayview State Park (up near my house). 

Overall, it was a great trip.  I really enjoyed the time with my dad and I think Maddox had a blast, especially swimming.