Just do it

 What triggers in a person's brain that they are going to do something? 

Right after (maybe 6 months) I had Maddox I decided I was going to start running.  I loved it as a kid, I dabbled in it in my 20s, finally at 35 I decided to start.  It was not to lose weight, it was because I had always liked the act of running.  I was worried that if I took a rest day, one day would turn into 2 and so on, so for a little while I ran (mostly walked) every day.  That didn't last long, but I did continue to run.  I started reading blogs of people who ran, I would try to go back to the blog's inception and read it all, it kept me motivated, taught me a lot about what to do, and motivated me to run races.  I still follow two of those blogs, RunsforCookies and Belief in Myself, the rest all quit blogging at some point (don't worry, I've found a few more now, but nothing like what I used to read).  Actually, those two bloggers (Katie and Mary Fran) have been blogging so long they were probably two of the few that I couldn't read from the beginning.  Reading blogs prompted me to start a blog.  I started with a different name, I think it was "Living the Dream, a Crazy and Convoluted dream" but eventually settled on Running the Dream.  I even made a facebook page (back when they were new and nothing like they are now) called Running the Dream.  (It's still there, I just never post on it now and it was never big.)

In 2015 I decided to run a marathon, up until then I said marathon runners were crazy, I even got a magnet for my car that said "Only half crazy, 13.1" But for whatever reason, I decided to run one.  I think, at that time, I was enamored with how far I could run.  Each Sunday was a new distance and it was exciting to me.  I ran because I loved it.  

And I started losing weight, it was a slow loss.  From February 2012 to March 2015 I lost 30 lbs it was not on purpose, it was a side effect of running and eating better.  Eating better was also a side effect of running, I was feeling good, so I wanted to eat good.  And I lost weight.  Then when I started marathon training I had read that many people training for a marathon gain weight, and I did not want that, so I tightened up my eating even more and lost almost another 10 lbs.  I honestly felt great, the whole experience was a joy, I was running new distances every week, and I was seeing loses on the scale almost weekly.

In 2016 I decided I'd run another marathon, well actually the same one, just a different year.  I also decided to run the Seattle Rock and Roll half.  A friend was doing it, and I thought it was interesting, plus another friend paid for me.  I went out on my first training run and sprained my ankle. I tried to continue to running, but really just made it worse.  Anyway, I gained some weight because I wasn't running.  Losing weight while marathon training seemed so easy, it just fell off it seemed.  So I wasn't worried, I thought that once I started running again, I'd lose it.  I didn't.  I didn't gain a lot of weight, only about 5-7 lbs, but I didn't lose it.  

That was when my mind switched from running for enjoyment to running to lose weight.  I didn't lose weight, but I kept thinking I would.  I started marathon training in 2017 with the sole purpose of having the same success weight-wise as I had in 2015.

Granted, we're talking less than 10lbs, but it was an obsession.  

Fast forward, 2020 I gained weight, mostly from just being home all the time, drinking more and definitely eating more.  And I keep gaining.  It's gotten to the point where I don't even enjoy running, my go to exercise my entire life (not that I did it all my life, but if I exercised, I ran).  My sister says it's because of my runstreak.  I forced my body to run every day for 4 years, of course my brain is rebelling, and she might be right.  But I am the heaviest I've been since 2012.  I struggle with eating right,  struggle with running, I struggle.  And I'm unhappy about it.  

So back to my first question . . .  What triggers in a person's brain that they are going to do something? And keep at it?  What moves you from motivation to determination (great blog by RunsforCookies here).  I am able to motivate myself for awhile, but my motivation dwindles quite quickly.  Reading the books on ultra-running was very motivating to me, but I haven't read one in awhile.  I even watched a couple documentaries following a couple ultra-races, which was helpful for that day, maybe even that week.  

It's a mindset. I noticed it yesterday.  All day I thought "I'm going to run today."  On my way home it was rainy and cloudy so I started thinking, no, I'm not going to run.  Then I got to town and remembered the stud in my nose had fallen out that morning and I needed to stop to get a new one, and I thought, I'm not going to run.  Then I got home and I put on running clothes and went for a run.  But I didn't do that today, and it's sunny and nice(ish) out.  I need to get back into that mode of just do it.  Just go.  Maybe having a calendar with planned runs days would be helpful?  Maybe I'll try that next week.  Get back to loving to run (and hating it in the moment).