Moving sucks.

I can't tell you how much I love my new house. I also can't tell you how much I hate the moving process. We finally finished painting yesterday, but we have been taking boxes over there since we closed. We've stored them in the garage, but while I have been touching up the edges and missed areas of paint, my husband has started to move boxes into the living spaces. I've moved most of my clothes there, all but two work outfits, with shoes, are there, but my dresser still has some tshirts, pants, and underclothes (don't you just love that word?). The last 2 weeks I have spent 4-5 hours after work at the new place, and then all day on the weekends (although last weekend I was at my dad's house again). This weekend is it, we are going to spend Saturday and Sunday moving everything else into the house and officially move in. We still have our rental through next week, but we are going to get it empty and then clean it next week after work. We have our final walk through next Saturday with our landlord. Honestly, as excited as I am to have my new house, I am very sad to be leaving this one. We've lived here 7 years and 3 months. It's the longest I've been in one spot in my adult life. And before we lived in this house, we lived 3 blocks over, so I've been in this neighborhood for 14 years (minus 6 months when we had our "temporary" home in 2014). I will drastically miss my running routes, and my neighborhood. We are friendly with all our neighbors and our current house is on a quiet cul-de-sac (sorta) with a lot of kids. Although, I think Maddox is outgrowing them (they are all younger by at least a year or two), he's at that age where a year or two make a big difference. In a year or two, it won't be so big, but for now it is. I was sitting out on my hammock chair last night enjoying the evening (it was late, but I didn't want to go straight to bed after getting home from the other house) and was thinking about how much I love this area. And yesterday I went to downtown Mt. Vernon on the riverwalk and was thinking that I will miss that too. Yes, my new house is only 5 miles away, but it's a different town (they are separated by the Skagit River) and I won't be able to run along the riverwalk unless I drive there. I'm just sad to be leaving, even though I'm excited for my new house. I wish my new house was in Mt. Vernon, that's what I most wish. Enough of the pity party, I am happy to be moving into a house where we all have our own space. I just noticed that this may be one long run-on paragraph, I promise I hit enter a ton, I'm on my 6th paragraph, but it's acting funny today, I'm sorry.

June . . . and a new house

Ouch,  I haven't posted at all in June.  June 17th we closed on our house and got the key.  😀  I am super excited to have the house, but I am looking forward to the end of August, maybe September or October.  That is when we will be moved and in the house, and hopefully unpacked.  😂  We are staying in our current house through July so that we can paint and get things done in our new house.  

Honestly, I love the house.  Chris has been worried about finances, but my sister had a great idea to start acting like we are paying a bigger mortgage already several months ago to see if we can afford a house. So I've been putting what we will have to pay in mortgage in our savings for several months and we haven't had any problems financially.  Bonus is that now we have a little extra for the stuff we are doing in the house.  

The last two weekends we've spent painting and mowing the lawn. The day we closed, Friday, I realized that it was Berry Dairy Days in Burlington (where our house is) (Berry Dairy Days is my second and fastest half marathon) and there would be fireworks that night. The park where they would be set off is not very far from our house, and our deck faces it, so Maddox and I decided to stay the night at the house.  We ran home and grabbed a blowup mattress and things to stay the night.  Unfortunately there was a tree in the way of the fireworks, but we were able to see some of it.  On Saturday Chris and I spent 5+ hours mowing and weed eating.  I know those are not necessary to move in, but I thought if we didn't do it first thing, it would only get worse.  The grass was up to our knees.  We had to have our mower at the highest level and then we basically mowed everything 3 times, forward, backward, forward again.  

Did I mention Saturday was also Maddox's birthday?  and don't forget Father's day on Sunday.  One of Maddox's birthday presents was a trampoline, which he's wanted for years.  So we also put that up, again, not something necessary for move-in, but a small thing to make Maddox feel special.  

Sunday we did some more yard work and got paint, and Damian and I spent Monday (Juneteenth) painting the living room.

This last weekend we painted the dining room and the three upstairs bedrooms. And Damian did Asher's room on Monday (his normal day off).  I'm so excited to get it done.  We need to do the two bathrooms, kitchen, and my closet.  Then Damian's space downstairs.  I'm hoping to get everything done before the weekend of the 22nd, and then we move all our stuff that weekend, and clean our current place the last week of July. 

Maddox's very bright
colors in his room.

The color selections for my room, 
I decided on the light green that is
painted on the wall and barely
visible.

Sunday was Chris's birthday and we had reservations so had to stop early. If we hadn't we probably would have gotten a little more done.  

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, we had already had plans to go to the Lake, which as you know we always go (and are still going to go this year) in August.  So nothing will be done at the house this weekend.  Then I'm going to my parent's house the 15th of July to finish cleaning out their house, so that's another weekend I'm gone.  Basically, that means I have one full weekend in the house before I want to move.  We shall see what happens.  It means that I will likely have many late evenings at the house finishing up the house . . . not to mention, we also are still packing up our current house.  It might actually be easier to just move all in one weekend, rather than over a month.  I still have to have clothes and makeup and food and  . . . everything . . . in our current house.  Oh, and I forgot, we have to buy Maddox two mattresses for his bed (a bunkbed with a futon on the bottom).  

We need to do the kitchen, which we know the color for, the two bathrooms and my closet.  Not to mention all of the downstairs, but Damian was able to get one room down there done on Monday.  We have to paint the ceilings down there because for some reason they started (very strangely) to paint it white over a light green, but followed no rhyme or reason, so some of the ceiling was painted and most of it is still green, but it's patchy.  

Yesterday I got Maddox registered for school and soccer in Burlington, so that is good.  The school is very close, so Maddox could ride his bike there if he wanted (and I think he does).  The school is a K-8, which might actually be a benefit to him.  6th grade in Mount Vernon is now Middle School (when Damian was that age he didn't move to Jr. High until 7th grade) but in Burlington, in the school Maddox is going to 6th grade is a "transition" year, which he had in 5th grade in Mt. Vernon, but I think another year like that would be very good for him.  

Anyway, things are moving along here.  I'm still running, by the way.  Today is day 1336 in my runstreak.

News!

 Yeah, so it's obvious I quit doing my accountability posts.  I just went back and reread my last post and you can tell that I was over it at that time.  Like I said in that post (almost a month ago) it's silly to just keep talking about weight loss that's not losing.  Today I sit at the same weight I was in March, so that's two and a half months of trying and not succeeding.  

But . . . I do have good news.

We are pending on a house!  We put in an offer on Monday and it was accepted on Tuesday.  Now we are in the process of getting the loan and the appraisal and all of that.  It is very stressful. 

It says it's a three bedroom, but there are two bedrooms downstairs with living space.  The negative is that there is no bathroom downstairs, so Damian and Asher will have to come upstairs for that.  I'm excited and scared.  It will be nice to have enough space for all of us, but I'm terrified of the mortgage payments, seriously they are ridiculous.  

Look at this kitchen! I've never had a kitchen this size.  Our current kitchen is barely big enough for 2 people, and most likely you're in the way of the other person.  Our whole family could be in this kitchen and not be in the way of anyone else.  

The dining area is small, but it's bigger than our current dining area.  I wish they would leave their furniture, it's beautiful.

It's a fully fenced back yard, with space for my pool.  Maddox REALLY wants a trampoline, so we may get him one for his birthday, which is the day after our closing date.

With a garden!  Look at this garden!  It is wonderful, needs a lot of work, but I don't have to make the beds!

And the deck, oh my word, I love it.  The grassy area you see is a park, so that's another bonus.  The back of the house is adjacent to a mostly empty (but owned) lot that has trees and lots of brush.  The side is the same and is at the end of a dead end road, the only neighbors are at the front of the house.  It's a small gravel road that only has three other houses on it, but it really is rather perfect.  

Other than it is in Burlington, which is the neighboring town.  It means that Maddox will have to move schools, but he's going into middle school, so maybe it won't be bad.  We've lived in our current house for 7 years, the longest I've been in a house in my adult life.  It's also the only house Maddox remembers, so it will be difficult to leave.  I think Maddox will miss it, and his friends, a lot more than he realizes.  He's got quite a group of friends here.  But he's not shy at all, so hopefully will make new friends quickly (I hope there's kids on the small road we'll live on).

Accountability wk 6

 Writing an accountability post on Friday is terrible.  I don't always have time, plus it seems ridiculous that I'm the same weight.  Last week I did really, really well and my weight still ended up being 156.  I was so excited on Wednesday when I saw 155 but by Friday it had gone up again.  So what is the point of these posts?  

I thought that writing about it weekly would make me better.  And I have been better, but I don't think it's because I'm writing about it.  I am back to weighing in every day and writing it down. I did that 7 years ago when I got down to my goal weight, and it kept me on track. I only quit because even though I was at a good weight, I still obsessed about it so I quit. 

I suppose that I could say that it is succeeding because I've lost 1lb since the beginning of March, really since my last weigh-in in March was 157.4, that means that I've lost less than a pound since the end of March.  

I am still eating and drinking too much on the weekends.  I cut way back on my alcohol, even on the weekend, but don't do very good with food on weekends.  I really think that is my problem, the weekend.  I do very good throughout the week (she says as she eats a handful of jelly beans . . . seriously, jelly beans are delicious!).  

I get really frustrated.  I am obviously doing something wrong.  When I lost weight previously I was 36-39.  I really do feel like it is an age thing.  It is true that as you age, it gets harder and harder.  It makes me wish I had been this dedicated in my 20s and early 30s.  I was never big, but I was 180 and at 5'4" that is too big for me.  This week (two days so far) I have not been as good as I have been for the last 2 weeks, probably because I'm frustrated with my lack of loss.  I need to quit being frustrated and realize that it's my fault.  I'm obviously not doing as great as I think I am.  

I do feel guilty for complaining about my weight, my current weight is some people's goal weight, and that is okay.  I want them to succeed, but I have to tell myself this is my story and I am the one writing it.  

Today was day 1273 in my running streak.

Grand Canyon

 Wow! What a week!  We spent 3 days at the Grand Canyon even though we were gone for 5 days, 2 of those were spent traveling.  We were on the south rim, and stayed in the town of Tusayan. We spent 8+ hours at the Grand Canyon every day.  It was fun, and exhausting.  Between the pictures I took and the pictures my sisters took, I have over 200 pictures.  I obviously won't be posting all of them, but I will do a photo dump here.  You're welcome.  😉

This last picture is so funny because our room service only made one bed.  All week we never had a bed made and the last day we get back and my sister's bed was made, but not mine.  

I am not scared, at all, of edges.  I will go to the very edge and look straight down, I had maybe 2 or 3 times where I was like woah! but it was rare, and it wasn't bad enough that I would back away.  Sadly, those pictures were taken by my sisters and apparently didn't get backed up to my Google account.  The selfies included above were all on an edge.  

The second day my sister, Nancy, and I waked down the Bright Angel Trail.  It was the main trail to the bottom when people were mining there.  We wanted to get to the first rest stop, which was supposedly a mile and a half down the trail.  However, I turned on my Garmin and when we hit a mile and a half, we were not at the rest stop.  We didn't know how much farther it was, and we were a little worried about the uphill, so we turned around.  One of the spots we stopped at on the third day overlooked the trail and we could see where we turned around and where the stop was.  Sadly we were only about a quarter of a mile away.  We totally could have done it, but we just didn't know.  If I ever go back, I want to hike to the bottom, which would require an overnight stay.  

Accountability wk 5

You all thought I was done, didn't you?  I missed the first two Friday's of April checking in.  Well, April 1st I was so busy with work and then packing for my trip that I didn't get to my accountability post.  And then last Friday I was at the Grand Canyon, so couldn't post.  I'm not going to rehash my last two weeks (very much), but I have basically maintained.  

Food 

Is this section really interesting to anyone?  I think posting about my food sucks.  Plus, I didn't write down my food intake for this week.  I cut way back on my alcohol, which I think is my biggest issue.  

Exercise

While we were at the Grand Canyon my Garmin reported that I had the equivalent of 40.8 miles in steps in 3 days.  That is a ton of walking.  Only 3 of those miles were runs.  My feet were killing me by the end of the day!  I did not do any yoga, but Nancy and I felt that wasn't necessary.  I have maintained my runstreak and on Sunday I went for 2 miles, which is my longest run in just over a month. 

After the Grand Canyon, my foot (plantar faciitis) is feeling really good.  I have a feeling it has a lot to do with really taking care of it every night after walking so much.  We sat in the hot tub and I put my feet on the jets (by sitting on the edge) and then went to the room and iced it every night. It really worked, yes my feet were really tired and got tireder (yes, that's a word!) earlier every day, but I woke up without pain every morning.  Since being home I haven't been as good, but my foot hasn't been hurting.  

In my yoga "class" this week she had us sitting on our knees with our toes tucked under, it hurts soooo much!  But I decided to do it in the evening the last few days and it seems to really, really help.  I can barely sit like that for one minute, but I'm forcing myself to do it.  I want to be able to run more, so I need to make my feet better.

Weigh in

I don't know what my weight was last week.  I didn't weigh myself when I got home.  I was not good last weekend, so my weigh in on Monday was 158(ish) and then, even though I was good on Monday, I was at 160(ish) on Tuesday.  However, I was really good all week and today my "official" weigh in was 156.2.  So my goal this weekend is to maintain so that next weekend it's another loss. Today was day 1262 of my runstreak.

mentally exhausted

 Have I mentioned I'm going to the Grand Canyon next week?  It was a gift from my Dad for graduating college, however, he died 3 weeks before we were supposed to go.  My sisters and I decided to go this spring instead.  I'm actually not really looking forward to it.  I need some time off, but not the time off where I'm doing stuff.  I want a week, a month, maybe a year, where all I have to do is decide if I'm going to get out of bed or not.  

Anyway, I've mentioned that we are house hunting.  We've put offers in for 2 houses, and have lost both.  Problem is, we want a bigger house, but our price limit does not give us many options, and even if we put in an offer for our highest amount, someone else can go higher.  I've been kicking around the idea of moving Damian and Asher into the garage.  It requires some cleaning and moving things around.  It will also require buying a few things (like a mat and some rugs for the floor and nice heaters and fans/coolers), but it is looking more and more like that is what we will have to do.  

I don't have anything to say.  I wanted to write something so that I'm not only writing the accountability posts, but I've got nothing to say today.  

I was at my dad's house last weekend.  On Saturday we decided who gets what in the house.  It was a mentally draining day.  One that I'm not eager to repeat, but know that it will continue to happen, and likely it's only going to get worse.  

Accountability wk 3

 This blog should really be titled "How to maintain."

I'm headed to eastern WA today and don't really have time to write a full post, but because I want to be accountable to maybe only me, I want to report how I did.  It will be short and not as informative, but at least I posted.  

I have continued to run every day, only one mile because of my plantar fasciitis.  I also continue to do my version of yoga.  

My food was under 1360 everyday except yesterday.  However, it didn't work.  

I maintained my weight.  I am at 157.4 this morning.  Frustrating, but it is what it is.  

Let's hope that I can do better this weekend while at my Dad's house.  Like I said a few weeks ago, it's stressful and emotionally draining, so I don't do so well.  I also have to eat at least two meals on the road (one today and one on Sunday), so fast food sodium and crap is definitely going to happen.

Oh, last weekend Damian and I went to a Kraken game (that's hockey).  This is Seattle's first year with an NHL team.  I have been a hockey fan for 20+ years.  The game that I went to was against the Red Wings, which is the team I rooted for before Seattle got their team.  (Actually, I still like the Wings, but Kraken is my number 1 now).  The Kraken won 4-2, which I was surprised about, the Wings have a better record and their defense was amazing.  However, I am super happy the Kraken won. Overall, it was a really amazing way to spend Saturday night with Damian.  

Accountability week 2

You all thought I forgot about my post today, didn't you?  Well, it's still Friday, at least for another hour.  😉

 Nothing super exciting happened this week.  We continue our house hunt, but have not found one that is within our price range and big enough for all of us.  We're looking at a promising house on Sunday, but I'm not sure about the neighborhood. I run along a trail that it is near, and I just am not sure.  Of course, I've never actually really looked at this house, so we'll see.

Food

So my food was actually really good this week.  Well, I will rewind, my weekend food is never great.  I guess when I think about it, I never count my weekend, but I should, and I'll tell you why later.  I had a high day of calories on Monday, at 1429.  I am not sure why it was high, I did not drink at all on Monday and that is usually the main reason my calories are high.  Tuesday-Thursday I was under my calorie goal (a random number Myfitnesspal says I need to lose, 1360). I did however have a couple glasses of wine each day other than Monday.  

Weight

I weighed myself every single day this week, even the weekend.  Last week I was at 157.6.  Monday and Tuesday I was up 2lbs, and then I've gone down every day since.  I did find out an interesting thing this week.  I usually weigh myself first thing in the morning after going to the bathroom.  However, I've always kept my pajama's on because I figured they were light and didn't really matter.  So, one day, Wednesday, I think, I forgot to use the bathroom first (weird, I know) and I was really up.  I realized it while I was on the toilet, so I was going to weigh again, but I had already taken my clothes off, and I went down 2lbs.  I thought, there's no way my pee was 2lbs, so I grabbed my clothes and while holding them, weighed myself again.  My light weight pajamas weigh 1 full pound.  I was very surprised at that.  I tested it again yesterday and yep, a full pound.  

Exercise

I don't even know why I talk about my exercise, it's the same.  I did end up running outside on Saturday for 3 miles, before my run my foot felt great.  I then went for a run on Sunday as well, but had to poo soooooo bad, that I had Chris come pick me up at a mile and a quarter.  After that run, my foot started hurting a lot again.  It's been pretty bad the rest of the week, so I went back to one mile on the treadmill.  My sister reminded me that we're going to the Grand Canyon in 2 weeks and I'll be doing a lot of walking, so I need to not aggravate my foot.  That means it will be another 2 weeks of running on the treadmill.  

Weigh in

Really this section should just go with the "weight" section above.  Maybe next week, I'll change it.  Anyway, my weight this morning was 156.4.  And while that looks like an amazing lose another pound!   . . . But . . . I weighed in this morning completely naked.  Last week I weighed in with pajamas on, which is as I stated above, is a full pound.  This means that I only lost 0.2lbs.  

After thoughts 

Well, I basically spent the whole week losing what I gained over the weekend.  This tells me that I need to be more mindful of my weekend calorie intake, which includes alcohol.  Stay tuned, I'm not done . . .

Accountability week 1

 Okay, so I said I was going to my parent's house last weekend.  Pretty much right after I hit publish on my last post. Going to eastern WA, and specifically my parent's house is a 4 hour drive if I don't stop.  I have kids, I stop.  Plus, we need to eat at some point.  Maddox is funny, he's been craving Subway for a while, so that's where we had dinner.

Food

Plus, I am going over there to help empty out their house, so it's stressful, and sad, and just plain awful.  So I took wine, and drank it.  So my Friday, Saturday and Sunday were terrible, especially calorie wise.  When I got back home, Monday and Tuesday I did fabulous.  I didn't drink anything either.  And you don't know how hard it was not to have a glass of wine on Tuesday.  This post explains why Tuesdays are stressful for me.  Then Wednesday.  I don't really know why I decided to have a drink Wednesday night but I did.  I then ate all the food. So it was pretty bad.  I woke up feeling awful and bloated.  I did good Thursday, lower calories and no wine.  

Myfitnesspal puts my goal calories at 1360, but I'm actually aiming to be under that most days.  I figure if I'm under 1360 in my estimates than if I am off by a few calories on something, it's still at my target number.  With my son and my grandson, I'm always taking a bite off their plates, so this way I don't have to worry about those bites. 

Weight

I didn't weigh myself on Monday morning. . . well, I thought I did but I can't remember it and didn't write it down. I had the best success when I was weighing myself daily.  I stopped because I was too obsessed with it, but maybe I need  I did weigh myself every weekday since though. I was up on Tuesday (big surprise after my crappy food and alcohol weekend) but on Wednesday I was down 2 lbs from Wednesday and 1lb from last Friday (my official weigh in day).  Of course Thursday morning I was back up (all the wine and all the food Wednesday), but only to the same weight as last Friday.

Exercise

This one is easy.  I run every day.  I am currently at 1227 days of running in a row at least one mile.  However, I am in my second week of only running one mile on the treadmill.  My foot has been bothering me a little for awhile now and I was ignoring it.  I got new shoes and decided to try to run in them without the inserts I've had for a year or so (they are Superfeet orthotic inserts that are not doctor prescribed).  Well, I ran in my new shoes a couple days and then on my Saturday run two weeks ago, I was in so much pain I had to ask my son to come pick me up.  I had run 1.39 miles and I've only run 1 mile ever since.  I'm thinking that tomorrow I may try to run outside again to see if I'm okay.  The inserts really are what saves my feet.  

I also do "yoga" with my sister 5 days a week.  I've talked about it before, but it's not true yoga.  BeachYogaGirl  does a mix of pilates, yoga and other things. She does a monthly challenge, which isn't really a challenge, just a daily workout for the month.  She recently released a kettlebell program that I loved.  They are really good workouts, and we (my sister and I) pay $100 a year to do it (split 2ways it's only $50 a piece).  I feel like it's a really good deal and we love it.  I do wish she did more strength training type workouts, but she does incorporate it into some of her "challenges."  Well, I say we spend $50 a piece, but we've had to buy some equipment, like yoga blocks, and a pilates small ball, oh and there's the magic circle. Actually we bought the magic circle twice because the first time we bought it, it was small and very hard to use. So we bought new ones that were bigger and easier to use.  We both already had some hand weights and exercise bands and a yoga mat, although I bought a new yoga mat because mine was flaking.  We did not buy a kettlebell, even though I really wanted to.  I have one, but it's 15lbs and I didn't use it because it's too heavy for what we did.  We just used our handweights.  It actually worked well because I have 3lb, 5lb and 10lb.  We did get all these things sporadically so it's not like we spent a lot of money all at once.

Weigh in 

Anyway, I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seats to see how my weigh in was today.  Today I weighed in at 157.6, which is one pound lower than last week.  I was excited about that, but then was looking at all my weigh ins this year, and most of them are at 157.  Yes, it's lower than last weeks weight, but it's still in the range I have been in for a long time.  I really, really want to be in the low 150s and even 140s again.  

A few years ago I was doing high calorie and low calorie days.  It was to lose weight before going to Hawaii, and it worked.  I got down to 147, 10lbs in 4 months, but I ended the year at 160 . . . because I stopped.  Maybe I'll do that again, but not stop.  I think that year I also cut down on my wine intake, only drinking one or two days a week plus the weekend, so we'll see.  

After thoughts

So what do I think of my week?  Well, it's better than most weeks lately.  My weekends are always going to be high, I'm okay with that unless I continue to stay in the same range then I will reevaluate.  Wednesday was not okay.  I'm also okay with having a drink or even 2 during the week, but not more.  7 years ago when I got down to 140 I was having a glass of wine most days, but never more than a glass, other than the weekend.  

I actually have had success lately, but only for a week.  A month ago or so I did perfectly and lost 4 lbs in one week, but I didn't keep with it and the next week I ignored everything and gained it back the following week.  So the challenge is to continue with it next week as well.  This is one of the reasons I decided to talk about it here.  If I know I "have" to talk about it, maybe I'll continue to be good longer than a week.  

Oh, and I noticed something else.  When I'm not drinking wine in the evenings, I go to bed earlier.  I was in bed before 930 every night this week excluding Wednesday night.  I don't wake up feeling bloated or like crap (except Thursday) and I actually feel rested.  I have been really bad about going to bed at a decent hour because of the pandemic and working from home.  I actually really like going to bed early even though my nature is a night owl.  I've learned to love early mornings, so I'd like to go back to that too.  

And just a cute picture of me and my grandson.

 

Accountability

 Can you believe it's already March?  Where has time gone?  Saturday is the 4th anniversary of my mom's death and Friday marks 5 months since my dad died.  Where has time gone?  I'm going to eastern WA this weekend to work on the house with my sisters and we're planning on going to the cemetery on Saturday.  I love cemetary's and used to run through one quite often (my current running route doesn't really take me there anymore).  This post explains why I love them so much. 

This picture was taken December 2020.  I was looking for one of me actually running in the cemetery, but I couldn't find one in 2020 or sooner.  

Anyway, if I was able to go to the cemetery where my family is buried, I would go a lot. It is something that I hate about not living in eastern Washington anymore.  I am looking forward to going this Saturday.  But not looking forward as well. I don't know if my Dad's stone has been engraved yet or not.

Well, I have decided I need to figure out my food and alcohol intake.  I am not losing weight and continue to hoover in the high 150's.  I'm really tired of it. There are a lot of factors involved in my gaining close to 15 lbs, 10 of those during this pandemic.  I would say the biggest factor is alcohol.  When everything shut down and I was at home 24 hours a day (I know that was 2 years ago now) I started drinking earlier and earlier.  And the earlier I started, the more time I had to drink, so I was drinking more.  I've cut back from those early days, but it's still a couple glasses of wine a day, and usually more on the weekend.  I need to do better.  

When I drink I stay up later.  My mind set is "oh, just one more glass, it's too early (at 11pm or 12am) to go to bed."  And then I get snacky, so I start eating.  We don't keep a ton of junk food in the house, some, for Maddox and Asher, but not stuff that tempts me much, so I make a cheese quesadilla, and cheese quesadilla's are amazing with ranch and bbq sauce mixed.  Oh, and look! I still have half a quesadilla left, I better get some more wine!  It's a cycle that I need to get off of.  I think the only reason I haven't gained 50lbs is because I exercise faithfully, and actually eat pretty good throughout the day.   

I've been on this rollercoaster for awhile now and I'm embarrassed to write about it here.  I know that a few people I know in real life know about this blog, but I don't know if they still read it or not.  It was never meant for real friends to read, it was meant to be my space, and if strangers found it, that was fine, they were strangers.  

A couple years ago I quit talking about my weight so much because it was redundant and I wasn't losing anything, and then I started gaining, and no one wants to hear about that.  But I've decided that maybe talking about it could give me some accountability.  I would like to lose 10lbs by July (I think that is a very huge goal, and nearly impossible for me based on my past weight lose, which has always been very slow).  I want to post on here weekly (which I have not been successful at for many years) but a Friday post with my weight could be something that motivates me.  How embarrassing would it be for me to post that I continue to weigh the same (or close) every week, so an accountability post may be helpful.  

Of course, I could just forget about it and not post on Fridays, but I'm going to try.

So today I start at 158.4.  I've been between 157 and 160 for a long time, and I'm tired of it.