Accountability

 Can you believe it's already March?  Where has time gone?  Saturday is the 4th anniversary of my mom's death and Friday marks 5 months since my dad died.  Where has time gone?  I'm going to eastern WA this weekend to work on the house with my sisters and we're planning on going to the cemetery on Saturday.  I love cemetary's and used to run through one quite often (my current running route doesn't really take me there anymore).  This post explains why I love them so much. 

This picture was taken December 2020.  I was looking for one of me actually running in the cemetery, but I couldn't find one in 2020 or sooner.  

Anyway, if I was able to go to the cemetery where my family is buried, I would go a lot. It is something that I hate about not living in eastern Washington anymore.  I am looking forward to going this Saturday.  But not looking forward as well. I don't know if my Dad's stone has been engraved yet or not.

Well, I have decided I need to figure out my food and alcohol intake.  I am not losing weight and continue to hoover in the high 150's.  I'm really tired of it. There are a lot of factors involved in my gaining close to 15 lbs, 10 of those during this pandemic.  I would say the biggest factor is alcohol.  When everything shut down and I was at home 24 hours a day (I know that was 2 years ago now) I started drinking earlier and earlier.  And the earlier I started, the more time I had to drink, so I was drinking more.  I've cut back from those early days, but it's still a couple glasses of wine a day, and usually more on the weekend.  I need to do better.  

When I drink I stay up later.  My mind set is "oh, just one more glass, it's too early (at 11pm or 12am) to go to bed."  And then I get snacky, so I start eating.  We don't keep a ton of junk food in the house, some, for Maddox and Asher, but not stuff that tempts me much, so I make a cheese quesadilla, and cheese quesadilla's are amazing with ranch and bbq sauce mixed.  Oh, and look! I still have half a quesadilla left, I better get some more wine!  It's a cycle that I need to get off of.  I think the only reason I haven't gained 50lbs is because I exercise faithfully, and actually eat pretty good throughout the day.   

I've been on this rollercoaster for awhile now and I'm embarrassed to write about it here.  I know that a few people I know in real life know about this blog, but I don't know if they still read it or not.  It was never meant for real friends to read, it was meant to be my space, and if strangers found it, that was fine, they were strangers.  

A couple years ago I quit talking about my weight so much because it was redundant and I wasn't losing anything, and then I started gaining, and no one wants to hear about that.  But I've decided that maybe talking about it could give me some accountability.  I would like to lose 10lbs by July (I think that is a very huge goal, and nearly impossible for me based on my past weight lose, which has always been very slow).  I want to post on here weekly (which I have not been successful at for many years) but a Friday post with my weight could be something that motivates me.  How embarrassing would it be for me to post that I continue to weigh the same (or close) every week, so an accountability post may be helpful.  

Of course, I could just forget about it and not post on Fridays, but I'm going to try.

So today I start at 158.4.  I've been between 157 and 160 for a long time, and I'm tired of it.