Slow progress is still progress

 I don't know if any of you have looked at my weigh-in pages this week, I updated both (the Countdown and the monthly weigh in I've been doing for years), but last week was a success.  😊I truly believe that my January beginning weight was high because of Christmas and all the food that goes with that.  However, it still feels good to see -6 and more weight losses this week.  Even though the week before I was taking those pills and my weight was up, I was still really good with my diet.  And that showed in my weigh in last Tuesday.  My weigh-in on Tuesday was 171, but the next day, I was 168.8 and then on Friday was down to 167.6, although this morning was 169, but still good.  I am also taking monthly measurements and I am down an inch everywhere.  

This weekend has been harder than last weekend with my food.  I drank a whole bottle of wine yesterday and as a result, I ate more than I should have, and later into the evening than my intermittent fasting says.  I have always struggled on the weekend, I don't really know why, but I am trying very hard to change my mindset, this weekend has been hard though.  

There are two reasons I slip and start to back slide (and you're going to laugh at this), when I'm successful, and when I am not successful. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true.  When I am successful and start losing weight, I think I can slack off, I get overly confident and start adding things in, or, specifically with intermittent fasting, I start pushing the times that I eat and I start gaining weight again.  On the other hand, when I am not successful I start thinking screw it, and give up.  It usually takes less time for me to say screw it when I am unsuccessful because I get so frustrated.  

I didn't run much this last week, only Sunday and Saturday.  I know I said I was going to try to run Sunday, Wednesday and Saturday, but this last week I had a hair appt on Wednesday.  I actually took my running clothes to work so that I could run, but my work has been so busy, I didn't have time.  I have been walking on my treadmill while working and actually really like it, but it is really slow and doesn't really count as exercise, it's more just moving.

I keep thinking that I want to run longer distances again, but I'm barely running 10 miles a week, and even then I'm still walking during my runs.  I don't know what other watches do, but when I look at the stats on Garmin Connect, I can see how long I'm running vs. walking.  Today's run was almost 10 min of walking and 26 min of running.  I was feeling discouraged about that, but I just looked at my 3 mile run on Jan. 6th and that "run" I had 14 min of running and 26 min of walking, so not only am I getting faster, but I'm also running a lot more.  

Honestly, I'm probably closer to where I was when I first started running in 2012 than in 2020.  Looking back at my stats from February 2012 and I'm right.  A 2 and a half mile run in 2012, I was running at a 13 min/mile pace (currently I'm close to 12 min/mile).  Back in 2012 I didn't have a fancy watch, just MapMyRun, so I don't have the stats of how long I walked vs. run, but I'm sure it was pretty similar.  Back then I had just started running and was worried I would stop, and was motivated, so was running 6 days a week, even if it was just a half mile or a mile.  I'm not going to do that now, so will probably progress a little slower.  I am doing pilates with weights this time, and they say weights is a good thing to increase fat burning, so we'll see.

I need to be patient and remember that I'm not in the shape I was 5 years ago, I'm not even in the shape I was a year ago, but I'm working on it.  First, work on running at least 3 days a week and not walking during my runs.  I am also still walking when my heart rates gets above 135-140.  It's not really MAF training but a modified version, and I know true MAF training takes a while to see real results, and since I am not doing it the way it's supposed to, it will probably take even longer.  

2023 round up

2023 is the least amount of running I've ever done.  Running every day guaranteed 365 miles a year, and I always had days where I ran more than one mile.  Last year I didn't do a recap of my year in running, only a recap of my runstreak (which was fun to look at again), but looking back I ran 640 miles in 2022. I actually started walking a lot more in 2023, in fact, I would say the second half of 2023 was more walking than running.  Once again, I did not do any races, which makes 3 years in a row that I have not raced.  I signed up for a half marathon in April with the intention of forcing myself to run, but it didn't, and it was the first ever DNS (did not start) run I've ever done.  

Here's a run down of my monthly running and walking:

 January - 14 days running, 3 days walking - 46 miles

February - 8 run, 5 walk - 39 miles

March - 6 run, 5 walk - 39 miles

April - 12 run, 0 walk - 36 miles

May - 12 run, 0 walk - 36 miles

June - 8 run, 2 walk - 28.8 miles

July - 7 run, 3 walk - 29 miles

August - 1 run, 16 walk - 38.6 miles - August was the month we went to Hawaii, and somehow, I only ran 1 time while there.  Somehow I just couldn't force myself to go for a run.  I did go on a couple hikes with Damian though, so that was nice.

September - 3 run, 6 walk - 18.6 miles - September was the only month I did not take a picture during any of my runs or walks.

October - 3 run, 12 walk - 31miles - In October I got COVID and went to the Lake by myself, and it just so happened to be on my birthday, which turned out to be the best birthday I've had since I can remember.

November - 1 run, 5 walk - 11.8 miles - Obviously my lowest mileage month

December - 4 run, 9 walk - 39 miles

391 miles total in 2023 - This is by far the least amount of mileage I've done in a year since I started running.  It is honestly a wake up call, although, I've wanted to start running more, but I just haven't been motivated.  I haven't actually run or walked more than my average for the last half of 2023 this month, but I am truly working on it.  I guess time will tell.  I hope that come January 2025 when I do a recap of 2024 I look back and see my mileage increase each month.  

In the past I have never counted my walks in my mileage for the year, but in the past I didn't walk a lot, and if I hadn't counted walks this last year, I'd have like 20 miles. 😉Just kidding, but not . . .

I also ended 2023 the highest weight I've been since 2012.  Again, I hope in January 2025 I look back and see that I took a turn this year and did better. I cared more.

I need to remember that I lost my parents, I did not lose myself.  I do not want to be them, both of them were overweight and had different medical problems, and while my Mom's death didn't really have anything to do with her diet or her weight (my Dad's did), I still want to be healthier.  Only my Mom's mom lived beyond 80, I want to be that person. I want to live past 80 and beyond.

Right now I am planning on running (at least) Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday.  I know that's only 3 days, but it's doable.  I want to increase my miles again.  I am currently only running 2 miles, and I am still walking 1/4 of the time during those runs.  I honestly have been kind of working on heart rate, when I get to 140 beats per min (or close) I walk until I'm 125 beats per min.  Actually, looking at the MAF calculator, I only need to be down to 133.  I also have been walking on my treadmill at work, so I'm hopeful that will help (it's not going to be included in my daily/weekly mileage because I get on and off it so often while it's running, and it's set at a pretty slow pace, just enough to keep me moving.   

Stories

 Have I ever mentioned that when I was younger I wrote stories?  I think I have.  I quit a long time ago.  I don't really know why.  I used to blame it on a guy. He was my first "real" boyfriend in high school.  He was everything to me, and really damaged me emotionally, although, with age, I look back and think he only did it because he was damaged.  He isn't a bad person.  I don't know him well anymore, we are "facebook friends" now, but I did see him a little in my 20s and he turned out okay, and was definitely not the manipulative asshole I thought he might be when I was younger.  

Anyway, he (I believe, unintentionally) damaged me when I was young, and I quit writing.  Or so I thought.  Looking back on it, I think I quit writing before I started dating him.  So I don't really know why I stopped.  I get the urge every now and then, but never really do much.  The few times I've tried to write a story, I think it is so amateurish and silly, that I stop.  Maybe I never got past that early teen stage of writing, so now my stories are all based on that mentality.  

How many people love to write, and then one day just stop?  How many people think of stories, but never put them to paper?  My Mom used to tell me she thought I was going to be a reporter when I was young.  She also said once that she thought that someday I'd write a biography about what happened with that same boy.  Honestly, that story isn't that great.  It sounds weird to say it, because I truly don't believe he meant harm, but he was emotionally abusive to me, but again, I truly don't think he grew up to be that way.  I think he was going through his own crap and didn't know how to handle our relationship, so pushed me away a lot.

Anyway, I think that many of the bloggers that are still out there are probably writers at heart.  Blogging hit it's peak, maybe about the time I started doing it, and is definitely on the decline.  Many of the people I used to follow are gone, even ones that had a lot of followers. 

After my Dad died, we went through the stuff in my parents' house and I found a box titled "Memories."  I had always wondered what happened to the stories I'd written when I was little.  I went to a young writers conference when I was in 6th grade, and maybe even 5th (I don't remember how often).  When I went through that box I found my stories, but when I went through it at my parents' house, I didn't really remember what was there.  Anyway, I was just looking at it and found a story I don't even remember writing (I remember the others).  Honestly, it was terrible, I definitely liked to write in dialogue.  That particular story was 90% dialogue.  Anyway, looking at my stories, was kind of fun.  

Oh, I wrote terrible poetry.

Growing old sucks

 Last week while I was watching the TV I noticed that an area on my jaw was hurting.  It felt like pain I've had from infections from teeth, and I know I have a problem tooth in that area so I called the dentist.  He put me on an antibiotic and I've been taking it since Friday.  Unfortunately, I still have a sore spot on my jaw and that has me worried that maybe it isn't dental, but I do have a dentist appt this coming Friday, so we'll see.  

Why am I telling you this story? Because I'm pretty sure the antibiotic has caused some bloating, which means weight gain.  If you look at my page for countdown, this week I was back up to 173, which is higher than I have been on my weigh ins since my first one, although, I guess not a ton higher.  But it's frustrating.  I was actually up to 174 on Monday but we went out to eat on Sunday, so that definitely affected it.  I have been very good this week, so not seeing the number drop (yesterday I was the same as Tuesday) is frustrating.  Even just a little.  

Another thing about these pills . . . I decided to start intermittent fasting again. Of course I decided right about the same time as I started taking the antibiotic.  Well, the first day I took them I was so nauseous I was gagging, coughing.  Then I remembered the pharmacist saying to eat with food because they're very harsh on the stomach.  Well, I'm supposed to take them 4 times a day, which means first thing in the morning and last thing at night.  So much for intermittent fasting. . . 

This pills are awful, even though I eat something every time I take one, by the time I've taken the 3rd pill my stomach is rolling.  They also leave a metallic taste in my mouth.  Next time I ask/need antibiotics, I will definitely request not these.  

I guess it's just frustrating.  I was frustrated, but was able to talk myself into believing it was okay because I was below where I "should" be, but not this week.  

Anyway, I hope you all are doing better than me.

Get out of your head

 I'll admit, my first week went better than my second week.  I have noticed I can do pretty good for a week, but then it starts to crumble and I give up.  So this is me, forcing myself to not give up.  Last spring when I was doing intermittent fasting I was also logging my food and weekly weight.  I didn't feel like I was being successful at the time, plus Maddox's sports being so late, so I stopped. I had quit using Myfitnesspal because it changed and I didn't like it as much, so I was logging my weight in a notebook without calories attached.  This time around, I've gone back to Myfitnesspal, and it really is unrecognizable, but it's not as awful as I thought.

It's been freezing cold here, and that is literally.  Western WA doesn't often see freezing temperatures but this week it hasn't been above 32degrees since Thursday.  Well, that definitely stopped me from running.  I know that I've run in freezing temperatures before, but I just didn't want to, and I guess I haven't completely solved my lack of motivation (see previous post) issue.  Yesterday was supposed to be the coldest day but it was sunny.  I gazed outside and decided I did not want to freeze my bum off, so I told myself I'd run today.  Instead, I read an entire book.  It also doesn't help that my sister went out of town for the weekend with her husband so we didn't do yoga pilates (I gotta quit calling it yoga, it is definitely more pilates than yoga) yesterday, and my morning schedule last week was crazy, so we only did it 2 times during the week.

Well, this morning, I was well on my way to finishing another book in a day, but I finally decided to get off my a....butt and go for a walk/run.  While I was run/walking I was thinking about how frustrated I am about letting myself gain 25 lbs (10-15lbs in just the last 6 months) and also that it doesn't just melt off after I've been good for a week or two.  I've been weighing myself daily, and writing it down, and I've been discouraged because the last 4 days I've fluctuated in the low 170s.  I was feeling that same amount of discouragement I felt last spring.  When I got back I was looking at my old food logs, and while I wasn't losing quickly, it was a steady decline.  In March I weighed in at 162, and my last weight recorded at that time was 159 in May.  Only 3 lbs, but still 3 lbs in a little over 2 months.

I did create a new page on here, called Countdown to August 2024.  I thought it'd be fun to have my weekly goal weight on the page and I'd cross it off as I got to it.  As I was calculated the 0.5lbs I was supposed to lose weekly, I got to August and realized that 1/2 a pound a week wasn't enough to get to where I want to be.  I increased it to 0.75 a week, and that was still not good enough.  I didn't want to go to a pound a week because I didn't think that was realistic, so after more calculations, 0.81 lbs a week is where I need to be to be 150 by August.  

Well, the first week it dropped quickly, and I was happy, but remember that just before weighing myself on 1/2 I had been in e. WA with family eating junk, and was likely carrying a lot of water weight.  I went from 175 to 172.4 in a week, 3 1/2 lbs is amazing in one week, but now I'm freaking out, because I'm fluctuating in my daily weigh-ins.  Friday I was 173, yesterday I was 171.2, and today I was 172 . . . granted, according to my calculations, next Tuesday I'm supposed to be at 173.38, but I definitely don't want to see the number go up in a week.  Although, maybe I should look at it as an experiment in food and drink for this second week to see what I need to tweak.  But it is very discouraging.  My brain automatically goes to, what if I can't get lower than 170?  I seem to always get stuck at these numbers, and in my head I was stuck at the 160 mark in the spring.  

Maybe it's the daily weigh-ins?  But I also like the accountability of the daily weigh-ins.  When I was doing this 10 years ago, I weighed daily, but I could make myself only look at the end of the week number.  I'm struggling with that this time.  

I need to keep reminding myself the slow numbers are okay, and to look at the trend, not the daily fluctuations.  And also, my January 30th goal weight is 171.76.  I've already had two days lower than that at 171.2 both times.  

So yeah, this is my "get out of your head" post.  Just eat well, and exercise. 

I got a small "walking pad" for Christmas

that I put in my office at work. 

a post of TMI

 Hello!  Two months since I last posted.  Not surprisingly I've been very inconsistent with diet and exercise.  The only thing I did stick with was pilates/yoga with my sister, and literally it's because of my sister.  Accountability partners are really good, I just wish I had something better for my diet and running.  Anyone else notice that when people stop posting, it's usually because they've usually stopped trying?  I vowed I wouldn't do that, and yet I did.  

This post might be all over the place, so I apologize. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  😉

Maybe I'll do a recap of my holidays later, but it's doubtful.  I also typically do a recap of my year, which I started in the middle of December, but didn't finish.  I do like having that recap because it shows what I've done, or in the case of 2023, what I didn't do.  But tonight I have a few other things on my mind I want to talk about.

I am going through menopause, maybe perimenopause, I don't know if there's a difference in how your body is, but I have many, many symptoms of the dreaded menopause, and have had for a few years.  It started with night sweats 3 or 4 years ago, but this last year it's gotten a lot worse. 

• I've lost hair
• my sex drive has gone way down
• even during sex, it's pretty dry down there,
• I've gained weight with no change to my diet
• insomnia (although that has been off and on for most of my life, but much worse lately)
• I haven't had my period in forever
• very irritable
• fatigue, but unable to go to sleep
• dry skin

And at least one thing I didn't know was a symptom of menopause

•  lack of motivation.  

My sister found a book a while ago on Kindle that, at the time, was free, so I downloaded it.  "Menopause: Let's get to point, period" The name is ridiculously long, so I'm not going to type it all out.  It's a fairly short book and is an easy read (Oh, and if you have Kindle Unlimited, it's still free to borrow.)  Anyway, I found out from reading that book that loss of motivation is a symptom of menopause, and that has bothered me.

I have wondered most of 2023 why I'm just not motivated.  Why can't I just go for a run?  Why is it so hard for me to follow through with anything?  Running is my thing.  I am a runner.  But am I because I don't run?  I just don't want to do anything.  I don't want to eat well, I don't want to exercise. I just want to stay in bed all the time.  It has bothered me, but not enough to actually do something. 

I went to Hawaii in July and August and I hated how I felt there.  I felt fat and ugly and just gross.  I didn't even want to run and that trail is my #1 top running location.  I love that trail.  Did I go for a run? Yes, just once though.  I came home and had a little motivation to lose weight, but it didn't last.  I have continued to feel fat and useless and have continued to gain weight.  

I am a big supplement fan.  I take quite a few (my sister calls me Grandma Curl - mom's mom - because she was well known for her mass amounts of supplements).  Anyway, I started taking collagen, krill oil, a liver support pill, calcium, tumeric, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, glucosamine chondroitin, magnesium, and a multivitamin.  There are a couple supplements I've found that combines some of these, like Provitalize, and I also take Nutrafol, which is supposed to help with hair loss.  

So what does this have to do with menopause? Well, a few of these (collagen, magnesium, provitalize, and nutrafol) are supposed to be good for menopausal symptoms.  

This last fall I was googling something about menopause and saw that Red Clover is a supplement that is well-known in traditional medicine for it's benefits, especially for menopause (it can also help to lower high blood pressure, and cholesterol).  But one of the things I saw was that it's good for motivation (of course, I can't find that article now, but I saw it, I know I did), so I started taking it.

I noticed a difference at 2 weeks. So much so that I shared it with my sisters (2 older and one 3 yrs younger than me).  It's been a gradual increase in my motivation, but I can definitely feel it.  No, this is not a commercial, it's just something I've been thinking about.  It feels good to want to go for a run again.  It's nice to feel like I can take control of my eating and drinking.  

And this is where I go to a different topic, but I'll try to bring it back around to this🠉.

When my Dad died, my sisters and I decided to go to Disneyland with some of his money.  We were going to set some aside in the estate account for us to go and had decided to go Spring Break of 2024.  New Year's Eve weekend we did our family Christmas celebration and we started to talk about going to Disneyland.  One of my sisters decided she wouldn't go to Disneyland (she didn't say why, but I believe it's a political reason 🙄) so we were brainstorming other places to go.  Someone mentioned another cruise, and then my sister Nancy suggested a cruise to Mexico.  In looking for a cruise, we discovered that cruises are sold out for the first week of April (our spring break), so we were looking at other dates.  We found a 4 day cruise in August to Catalina and Ensenada, so we decided to try to go on that.  My immediate family is going to go to Disneyland right after because my kids have been excited about it, and Asher will be almost 5, which will be a great age for him.  

Anyway, in thinking about going on a cruise to Mexico in August, I realized I'm going to feel awful, again, in a tropical area in my bathing suit again like I did last August in Hawaii.  So what does that mean?  I need to be motivated and focused to lose some weight.  It means cracking down on exercising, eating well, and not drinking so much wine.   

We came home from our family Christmas on the 1st and all the way home I was pep talking myself into what I needed to do.  On these trips we also have a lot of junk food.  My Mom used to make a chex mix she called Scrabble, and it's high in sodium, plus cheesecake I make, cookies, and just general Christmas junk food.  So driving home, I'm thinking, "I need to know what I weigh.  I need to weigh myself tomorrow.  Yes, it will likely be higher than it would have been without this trip, but I need to just do it."  So Tuesday morning I got up and weighed myself for the first time in several months, only to discover I was just 2 lbs lower than I was at my starting weight in 2012. In 2012 I was 177, on the 2nd I was 175. 

How frustrating. It took me 3 years to lose it before and I was younger.  Now I'm asking my menopausal, old body, to lose 25 lbs in 8 months.   I don't know if I can do it, but I'm certainly going to try.  Doing the math, I have to lose 3 lbs a month.  That's 0.75 lbs a week.  When you break it down like that, it sounds doable.  A couple things I didn't do well, and why it took so long last time, and why I don't do well now at all, is that I always give myself a weekend pass.  I can eat and drink whatever on the weekend, and that usually starts on Friday evening.  That has to end.  

I ate very well this last weekend, but I did eat a little more, and drank more, which caused a weekend gain of 1lb, which is better than past weekend gains, but still not great. (Past weekend gains had me gaining everything I had lost through the work week, so I was essentially starting each week at the same number.)  Friday morning I weighed 172.6, this morning I weighed 174.  Honestly, that's still a full pound in less than a week, and I "only" need to lose 0.75 in a week, but if I let that mentality in, I will not succeed.  And I need to succeed.  

So motivation, it's a big factor.  I have to stay focused, and determined.  This red clover definitely helps. I've also been running a little more. Although, I also get frustrated because I used to be "half-marathon ready" at all times, and now I'm barely "5k ready" and if I did race a 5k, it would likely be my slowest pace ever.  I just have to get over looking backwards at where I was, and look forward knowing I can get there again.  

I do not want to feel the way I did last summer.  I want to feel more like I did in 2015.

April 2023

October 2015 (marathon)

(It was very difficult to find a recent full-body picture of me.)

I think I'm going to add a page to my blog.  Maybe a progress page counting down the days to August (we don't know what day we're going on the cruise yet) and the weight I've lost.  If I quit updating, you'll know I'll have given up and I'm doing nothing.  I wish I knew how to make a counter and add it to this page, but I don't know how.

Birthday sickness

After my last post, well, even before my last post, I got sick.  The last week of September, Sunday into Monday night, I woke up and threw up, it was sooooo bad.  I don't ever remember a time when I threw up so hard and so many times.  I'd feel a little better and go lay down, but then be up 20 min, back in the bathroom.  I even slept, literally, wrapped around the toilet.  I have never been that sick, ever.  It was awful.  Thankfully the throwing up part only lasted that one night, but I felt "off" for a couple days.  Then I got a cold, runny nose, coughing, almost immediately after that.  

Monday night the 2nd of October, Chris and I were getting to watch the Seahawks on Monday night football, and he jokingly said "maybe you should take a COVID test" because I had just had a coughing fit. I thought maybe it was a good idea, so took a test, and it was positive.  Then I realized that the tests we have are expired, so I thought, well, maybe it's not COVID, so I made Chris run to the store and buy tests for everyone (they are expensive!).  And that one was also positive, no one else was positive though.  I retreated to my room.   

For my job I go to court every Tuesday (I do a therapeutic court) so I had to call them and request virtual court. (One good thing that came from the pandemic, virtual court . . . if you have a court date and are sick or can't make it, call the courthouse, the MAY be able to accomodate a virtual hearing, depends on the court).  

Anyway, I had already been kicking around the idea of going to the Lake for my birthday (which is Oct. 6, that Friday), so I decided that since I was the only one in my house with COVID and it was my birthday, I would go to the Lake by myself.

~~~I think I have not mentioned that we got a dog.  He is adorable, is a 7 month old lab mix, that we got  in August. He came from a shelter in Texas.  His name is Peanut Butter, but we call him Peanut.  

The first day we got him, he was very
droopy, tail tucked, ears down.

The first night we had him, he was 
scared of the stairs, Damian had to
carry him down.

A few weeks later.

~~~~

Anyway, Peanut and I went to the Lake.  I don't think he's been so spoiled in his life with food.  He had a lot of bacon with me, part of my steak dinner, and pretty much a little of everything I ate (I did feed him dog food). 

He is such a scaredy cat (dog), he was scared of the deer on our walks. At night he freaked me out because he'd bark at the dark sliding glass door for no reason.  I was definitely scared to go out with him to let him go to the bathroom.  I ended up just throwing him on the lead and letting him go out alone.  He's scared of he dark though, so I had to turn on all the outside lights for him to even leave the porch. 🤣

But he loved being outside, with me, during the day, even though he was scared of the ducks and even people on their porches.

The sunset in October is so different than in August.  In August it sets just over the dock in the above picture.  In October it was setting behind the hills off to the left in the picture.  But it was soooo pretty.

I spent my birthday day raking pine needles from the beach under the tree.  They were so bad!  It took me 3 hours (maybe longer) to rake all those needles.  But I enjoyed it.  My birthday was Friday, and the weather wasn't great, so I didn't do a whole lot outside other than rake.  But by Saturday, it was beautiful, and warm!  I spent a lot of the afternoon outside.  I wouldn't think that 2 months would move the sun so much, but my typical afternoon sunny spot in August, didn't ever see much sun.  I ended up sitting mostly on the other side of the tree.  I just found it so strange

Look at the difference of the beach after
I raked!

I didn't want to bring firewood so I brought a firepit that runs on alcohol (rubbing alcohol).  I had gotten it last year for my birthday and used it a few times last winter and a little this summer outside.  But it was perfect . . . after I realized I should open the flue even though I wasn't actually using the fireplace.  I set off the fire alarm more than once, with that and with cooking (nothing was burnt, it was just very sensitive).  

On my way down, my brother-in-law suggested I get myself some champagne and a cake for my birthday, so even though I brought food, I ended up stopping at the store and got a good steak, shrimp, a small lemon cream pie and some champagne (prosecco, if you're a wine snob).  I would have made mashed potatoes too, but I didn't want to peel potatoes and boxed mashed is not very good.

Honestly, even though I had to cook my own food and do my own dishes, it was probably one of the best birthdays I've ever had.  Nothing against my family but it was crazy relaxing and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I did get bored a little during the day, the water was too cold to get in, and like I said Friday wasn't great weather-wise, but just getting away was heavenly.  I would really love to go back, but I don't know that I could get away with it.  Maddox was very jealous that I went, and Chris acted like he felt guilty he couldn't go.  I just enjoyed being alone.  😀

Peanut often hangs his head off his bed
while he's laying on it, it's weird.

Struggling

 Two years ago I woke up to a phone call from my sister who was visiting my Dad.  All she did was cry, she didn't say anything, and I knew. I denied it, tried to get her to tell me I was wrong, but I wasn't.  My Dad was gone.  He died in his sleep.  He died with my sister there taking care of him.  I'm so happy she was there, otherwise he would have died alone.

I was going to post more, but I can't, so I'm going to leave with of pictures of my Dad.

Musings

 Well, the 8 of you that read my last post sucked at telling me where you go to read the blogs you follow.  😉

So I went to my new gym 3 times but my quads hurt really bad.  After Tuesday it hurt but was okay-ish.  Damian got his son, Asher for the week on Tuesday and then had to go to the store after putting him to bed.  Well, Asher was crying so I went down to check on him and his shirt was all twisted. I don't remember why, but I was holding him and knelt down and felt a sharp pain in my thigh.  It hurt sooooo bad, I don't know what I did, maybe strained or pulled a muscle, but I could barely walk up the stairs.  I didn't go back to the gym for a few days, but Thursday night thought it was doing better so was going to go work out Friday morning.  I don't remember what I did, but I decided it would be a bad idea so canceled.  Then tripped on a shoe Saturday morning and hurt it again.  I did end up going to the gym yesterday afternoon.  I'm feeling pretty good today, other than a giant knot in my shoulder, but those are common for me, I don't even have to do anything to get them.

I did go in on Friday morning to do a body scan thing, and was pleasantly surprised.  With all my clothes on, I only weighed one pound more than I did when I got up (I wasn't allowed to eat before the scan).  I don't remember all the numbers, but I have more muscle than I expected, and according to the scan, I only have 18.5 lbs to lose (which is almost exactly what I've gained, so that is good).  My arm muscles are about even, but my left leg has about a pound more muscle than my right, but I am left leg dominant, so I need to work on using my right leg more often.

I gained 2lbs this weekend, but since I lost those 2lbs this morning, I'm thinking I was dehydrated.  I am definitely not as good at drinking water on the weekend as I am during the week at work.  This has been a theme for a long time though, maybe I should quit weighing myself on Mondays to give my body time to reabsorb water.  I feel like that might just be a cop out to make myself not accountable on the weekend.

I haven't been forthcoming with what I weigh, so it might be confusing.  I'm embarrassed by it, that I let myself gain 20lbs.  But seriously, I'm basically not losing.  I initially lost 2 lbs when I started this, and ever since then I've been losing the same 2 lbs.  Last week I was excited because on Tuesday when I weighed in (no weigh in on Monday, Labor Day) I was the same as Friday, but it was still 1lb higher, so last week I lost 1lb.  I was a lot less active though, only worked out on Monday and Tuesday, and only walked Wednesday and Sunday.  I forgot, I also did a wine walk with my sister on Saturday, but after thinking about it, they only do 1oz pours, and there were 10 tastings, so only 10oz, which is about a glass and a half of wine with a lot of walking over 3-4 hours.  

*okay, I'm going to rewrite that paragraph, but add in my weight.  This is when I'm thankful I don't have a lot of followers.*

 I haven't been forthcoming with what I weigh, so it might be confusing.  I'm embarrassed by it, that I let myself gain 20lbs my beginning weight (this time) was 166.  But seriously, I'm basically not losing.  I initially lost 2 lbs, going to 164, when I started this, and ever since then I've been losing the same 2 lbs.  Last week I was excited because on Tuesday when I weighed in (no weigh in on Monday, Labor Day) I was the same as Friday (which was 165), but it was still 1lb higher, so last week I lost 1lb, back down to 164 .  I was a lot less active though, only worked out on Monday and Tuesday, and only walked Wednesday and Sunday.  I forgot, I also did a wine walk with my sister on Saturday, but after thinking about it, they only do 1oz pours, and there were 10 tastings, so only 10oz, which is about a glass and a half of wine with a lot of walking over 3-4 hours.  So yesterday I was 166 again, and today I was 164.

Anyway, this week I plan to work out at least Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.  I am still doing yoga, and actually those are the same days I do yoga (totally unrelated, just is going to happen that way this week).  And with eating better, hopefully I'll lose some more weight and get out of the 164s.  

I don't have any pictures this week, so I'll just share Asher's birthday pictures.  He turns 4 today, but we celebrated on Sunday.  😊

Blog readers?

 Just a quick question, what do others (you) use to read blogs you follow? I was using Bloglovin', but it doesn't work anymore.  I actually lost a couple that I loved.  (If anyone knows/talks to/follows Accidental Firefly and Inside the Mountain's Skin, ask them to send me a link to follow them, I loved reading their blogs. 😁

Oh and to top it off, my favorite podcast player, Stitcher, also went away.  So I guess if you have recommendations on that, I'd love those too.  😊

Not that I have many people who read my blog, but it's worth a shot to ask.  

Yes, those are all the blogs I've read.  Most of them no longer post, and haven't for a lot of years.  It's why I keep looking for new ones, although I am waaaayyyy behind on those that I do read.  A couple of my most favorites, Shut Up and Run and Sublurban Mama are on that list (Sublurban Mama hasn't posted in . . .4? . . .5? years.)

Still progressing

 Well, I joined a gym.  I think it's similar to a CrossFit gym (having never been in one, I'm not sure), but it only offers group workouts, there are no "regular" exercise machines, and no weight machines.  I did a trial workout on Saturday and man am I sore!!!  But then I decided to do it, and signed up yesterday (Monday) and did another workout.  And, I'm still sore.  The gym is called Fit Body Boot Camp, and it's new in my area, so they are giving a lower fee to get members, and that fee is mine as long as I don't leave.  It's still rather expensive, but I need something to kick me into gear, maybe this will.

One of the thoughts I had was that my sister spent $3000 on 30/10 for 3 months.  Which I know is a nutritional/diet program (it's also a starvation program).  I figured maybe doing this at $35 a week (yes, you read that right) for 3 months is cheaper than 30/10 and I won't starve, and may get fitter.  (Is fitter a word?  spell check is not underlining it . . .) And in the process, maybe lose some fat.

I think another of the reasons why I joined this gym is because of the guided classes.  There's no working out on my own, and because they're so new, the classes are very small, so it's a lot of one-on-one coaching during the class.  I really enjoyed my trial workout, even though my legs are still sore from it (yesterday's class was a lot easier, so it may have "helped" my soreness, but I think it's still mostly from Saturday).

So how did I do with my weight this weekend?  

The last 2 weekends were awful, 2 weeks ago I went up 4 lbs, last weekend I went up 5lbs.  Both weeks, I got back down to the previous Friday's weight before the end of the week, and this weekend I decided I needed to do better.  Honestly, I didn't think I did much better but I did not gain any weight over the holiday weekend.  This morning I weighed in at exactly the same amount as I did on Friday morning.  !!  I think that's great! 3 day weekend, and I went to a birthday party on Sunday.  😀

I am not drinking nearly as much as I was.  The trick for me is to not have wine in the house.  I can resist if it's not there and honestly last week I didn't really even miss it.  I do buy a couple bottles for the weekend, but am *trying* to keep it in moderation.  I actually really wanted a glass or two last night, but only had my "special" wine, expensive wine that I've gotten over the years with my sister when we do a wine walk, and I'm unwilling to open that wine.  However, I almost did last night, but went for a walk instead.  

In other news, Maddox started Jr. High last week.  I seriously can't believe he's so old!  Jr. High where we currently live starts at 7th grade.  In Mount Vernon, they changed it to "middle school" and he was supposed to start last year in 6th grade, but we moved.  Also, I think he looks so old in this picture!  I really can't believe he's 12 and in 7th grade!

Anyway, that's all for today!