mentally exhausted

 Have I mentioned I'm going to the Grand Canyon next week?  It was a gift from my Dad for graduating college, however, he died 3 weeks before we were supposed to go.  My sisters and I decided to go this spring instead.  I'm actually not really looking forward to it.  I need some time off, but not the time off where I'm doing stuff.  I want a week, a month, maybe a year, where all I have to do is decide if I'm going to get out of bed or not.  

Anyway, I've mentioned that we are house hunting.  We've put offers in for 2 houses, and have lost both.  Problem is, we want a bigger house, but our price limit does not give us many options, and even if we put in an offer for our highest amount, someone else can go higher.  I've been kicking around the idea of moving Damian and Asher into the garage.  It requires some cleaning and moving things around.  It will also require buying a few things (like a mat and some rugs for the floor and nice heaters and fans/coolers), but it is looking more and more like that is what we will have to do.  

I don't have anything to say.  I wanted to write something so that I'm not only writing the accountability posts, but I've got nothing to say today.  

I was at my dad's house last weekend.  On Saturday we decided who gets what in the house.  It was a mentally draining day.  One that I'm not eager to repeat, but know that it will continue to happen, and likely it's only going to get worse.  

Accountability wk 3

 This blog should really be titled "How to maintain."

I'm headed to eastern WA today and don't really have time to write a full post, but because I want to be accountable to maybe only me, I want to report how I did.  It will be short and not as informative, but at least I posted.  

I have continued to run every day, only one mile because of my plantar fasciitis.  I also continue to do my version of yoga.  

My food was under 1360 everyday except yesterday.  However, it didn't work.  

I maintained my weight.  I am at 157.4 this morning.  Frustrating, but it is what it is.  

Let's hope that I can do better this weekend while at my Dad's house.  Like I said a few weeks ago, it's stressful and emotionally draining, so I don't do so well.  I also have to eat at least two meals on the road (one today and one on Sunday), so fast food sodium and crap is definitely going to happen.

Oh, last weekend Damian and I went to a Kraken game (that's hockey).  This is Seattle's first year with an NHL team.  I have been a hockey fan for 20+ years.  The game that I went to was against the Red Wings, which is the team I rooted for before Seattle got their team.  (Actually, I still like the Wings, but Kraken is my number 1 now).  The Kraken won 4-2, which I was surprised about, the Wings have a better record and their defense was amazing.  However, I am super happy the Kraken won. Overall, it was a really amazing way to spend Saturday night with Damian.  

Accountability week 2

You all thought I forgot about my post today, didn't you?  Well, it's still Friday, at least for another hour.  😉

 Nothing super exciting happened this week.  We continue our house hunt, but have not found one that is within our price range and big enough for all of us.  We're looking at a promising house on Sunday, but I'm not sure about the neighborhood. I run along a trail that it is near, and I just am not sure.  Of course, I've never actually really looked at this house, so we'll see.

Food

So my food was actually really good this week.  Well, I will rewind, my weekend food is never great.  I guess when I think about it, I never count my weekend, but I should, and I'll tell you why later.  I had a high day of calories on Monday, at 1429.  I am not sure why it was high, I did not drink at all on Monday and that is usually the main reason my calories are high.  Tuesday-Thursday I was under my calorie goal (a random number Myfitnesspal says I need to lose, 1360). I did however have a couple glasses of wine each day other than Monday.  

Weight

I weighed myself every single day this week, even the weekend.  Last week I was at 157.6.  Monday and Tuesday I was up 2lbs, and then I've gone down every day since.  I did find out an interesting thing this week.  I usually weigh myself first thing in the morning after going to the bathroom.  However, I've always kept my pajama's on because I figured they were light and didn't really matter.  So, one day, Wednesday, I think, I forgot to use the bathroom first (weird, I know) and I was really up.  I realized it while I was on the toilet, so I was going to weigh again, but I had already taken my clothes off, and I went down 2lbs.  I thought, there's no way my pee was 2lbs, so I grabbed my clothes and while holding them, weighed myself again.  My light weight pajamas weigh 1 full pound.  I was very surprised at that.  I tested it again yesterday and yep, a full pound.  

Exercise

I don't even know why I talk about my exercise, it's the same.  I did end up running outside on Saturday for 3 miles, before my run my foot felt great.  I then went for a run on Sunday as well, but had to poo soooooo bad, that I had Chris come pick me up at a mile and a quarter.  After that run, my foot started hurting a lot again.  It's been pretty bad the rest of the week, so I went back to one mile on the treadmill.  My sister reminded me that we're going to the Grand Canyon in 2 weeks and I'll be doing a lot of walking, so I need to not aggravate my foot.  That means it will be another 2 weeks of running on the treadmill.  

Weigh in

Really this section should just go with the "weight" section above.  Maybe next week, I'll change it.  Anyway, my weight this morning was 156.4.  And while that looks like an amazing lose another pound!   . . . But . . . I weighed in this morning completely naked.  Last week I weighed in with pajamas on, which is as I stated above, is a full pound.  This means that I only lost 0.2lbs.  

After thoughts 

Well, I basically spent the whole week losing what I gained over the weekend.  This tells me that I need to be more mindful of my weekend calorie intake, which includes alcohol.  Stay tuned, I'm not done . . .

Accountability week 1

 Okay, so I said I was going to my parent's house last weekend.  Pretty much right after I hit publish on my last post. Going to eastern WA, and specifically my parent's house is a 4 hour drive if I don't stop.  I have kids, I stop.  Plus, we need to eat at some point.  Maddox is funny, he's been craving Subway for a while, so that's where we had dinner.

Food

Plus, I am going over there to help empty out their house, so it's stressful, and sad, and just plain awful.  So I took wine, and drank it.  So my Friday, Saturday and Sunday were terrible, especially calorie wise.  When I got back home, Monday and Tuesday I did fabulous.  I didn't drink anything either.  And you don't know how hard it was not to have a glass of wine on Tuesday.  This post explains why Tuesdays are stressful for me.  Then Wednesday.  I don't really know why I decided to have a drink Wednesday night but I did.  I then ate all the food. So it was pretty bad.  I woke up feeling awful and bloated.  I did good Thursday, lower calories and no wine.  

Myfitnesspal puts my goal calories at 1360, but I'm actually aiming to be under that most days.  I figure if I'm under 1360 in my estimates than if I am off by a few calories on something, it's still at my target number.  With my son and my grandson, I'm always taking a bite off their plates, so this way I don't have to worry about those bites. 

Weight

I didn't weigh myself on Monday morning. . . well, I thought I did but I can't remember it and didn't write it down. I had the best success when I was weighing myself daily.  I stopped because I was too obsessed with it, but maybe I need  I did weigh myself every weekday since though. I was up on Tuesday (big surprise after my crappy food and alcohol weekend) but on Wednesday I was down 2 lbs from Wednesday and 1lb from last Friday (my official weigh in day).  Of course Thursday morning I was back up (all the wine and all the food Wednesday), but only to the same weight as last Friday.

Exercise

This one is easy.  I run every day.  I am currently at 1227 days of running in a row at least one mile.  However, I am in my second week of only running one mile on the treadmill.  My foot has been bothering me a little for awhile now and I was ignoring it.  I got new shoes and decided to try to run in them without the inserts I've had for a year or so (they are Superfeet orthotic inserts that are not doctor prescribed).  Well, I ran in my new shoes a couple days and then on my Saturday run two weeks ago, I was in so much pain I had to ask my son to come pick me up.  I had run 1.39 miles and I've only run 1 mile ever since.  I'm thinking that tomorrow I may try to run outside again to see if I'm okay.  The inserts really are what saves my feet.  

I also do "yoga" with my sister 5 days a week.  I've talked about it before, but it's not true yoga.  BeachYogaGirl  does a mix of pilates, yoga and other things. She does a monthly challenge, which isn't really a challenge, just a daily workout for the month.  She recently released a kettlebell program that I loved.  They are really good workouts, and we (my sister and I) pay $100 a year to do it (split 2ways it's only $50 a piece).  I feel like it's a really good deal and we love it.  I do wish she did more strength training type workouts, but she does incorporate it into some of her "challenges."  Well, I say we spend $50 a piece, but we've had to buy some equipment, like yoga blocks, and a pilates small ball, oh and there's the magic circle. Actually we bought the magic circle twice because the first time we bought it, it was small and very hard to use. So we bought new ones that were bigger and easier to use.  We both already had some hand weights and exercise bands and a yoga mat, although I bought a new yoga mat because mine was flaking.  We did not buy a kettlebell, even though I really wanted to.  I have one, but it's 15lbs and I didn't use it because it's too heavy for what we did.  We just used our handweights.  It actually worked well because I have 3lb, 5lb and 10lb.  We did get all these things sporadically so it's not like we spent a lot of money all at once.

Weigh in 

Anyway, I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seats to see how my weigh in was today.  Today I weighed in at 157.6, which is one pound lower than last week.  I was excited about that, but then was looking at all my weigh ins this year, and most of them are at 157.  Yes, it's lower than last weeks weight, but it's still in the range I have been in for a long time.  I really, really want to be in the low 150s and even 140s again.  

A few years ago I was doing high calorie and low calorie days.  It was to lose weight before going to Hawaii, and it worked.  I got down to 147, 10lbs in 4 months, but I ended the year at 160 . . . because I stopped.  Maybe I'll do that again, but not stop.  I think that year I also cut down on my wine intake, only drinking one or two days a week plus the weekend, so we'll see.  

After thoughts

So what do I think of my week?  Well, it's better than most weeks lately.  My weekends are always going to be high, I'm okay with that unless I continue to stay in the same range then I will reevaluate.  Wednesday was not okay.  I'm also okay with having a drink or even 2 during the week, but not more.  7 years ago when I got down to 140 I was having a glass of wine most days, but never more than a glass, other than the weekend.  

I actually have had success lately, but only for a week.  A month ago or so I did perfectly and lost 4 lbs in one week, but I didn't keep with it and the next week I ignored everything and gained it back the following week.  So the challenge is to continue with it next week as well.  This is one of the reasons I decided to talk about it here.  If I know I "have" to talk about it, maybe I'll continue to be good longer than a week.  

Oh, and I noticed something else.  When I'm not drinking wine in the evenings, I go to bed earlier.  I was in bed before 930 every night this week excluding Wednesday night.  I don't wake up feeling bloated or like crap (except Thursday) and I actually feel rested.  I have been really bad about going to bed at a decent hour because of the pandemic and working from home.  I actually really like going to bed early even though my nature is a night owl.  I've learned to love early mornings, so I'd like to go back to that too.  

And just a cute picture of me and my grandson.

 

Accountability

 Can you believe it's already March?  Where has time gone?  Saturday is the 4th anniversary of my mom's death and Friday marks 5 months since my dad died.  Where has time gone?  I'm going to eastern WA this weekend to work on the house with my sisters and we're planning on going to the cemetery on Saturday.  I love cemetary's and used to run through one quite often (my current running route doesn't really take me there anymore).  This post explains why I love them so much. 

This picture was taken December 2020.  I was looking for one of me actually running in the cemetery, but I couldn't find one in 2020 or sooner.  

Anyway, if I was able to go to the cemetery where my family is buried, I would go a lot. It is something that I hate about not living in eastern Washington anymore.  I am looking forward to going this Saturday.  But not looking forward as well. I don't know if my Dad's stone has been engraved yet or not.

Well, I have decided I need to figure out my food and alcohol intake.  I am not losing weight and continue to hoover in the high 150's.  I'm really tired of it. There are a lot of factors involved in my gaining close to 15 lbs, 10 of those during this pandemic.  I would say the biggest factor is alcohol.  When everything shut down and I was at home 24 hours a day (I know that was 2 years ago now) I started drinking earlier and earlier.  And the earlier I started, the more time I had to drink, so I was drinking more.  I've cut back from those early days, but it's still a couple glasses of wine a day, and usually more on the weekend.  I need to do better.  

When I drink I stay up later.  My mind set is "oh, just one more glass, it's too early (at 11pm or 12am) to go to bed."  And then I get snacky, so I start eating.  We don't keep a ton of junk food in the house, some, for Maddox and Asher, but not stuff that tempts me much, so I make a cheese quesadilla, and cheese quesadilla's are amazing with ranch and bbq sauce mixed.  Oh, and look! I still have half a quesadilla left, I better get some more wine!  It's a cycle that I need to get off of.  I think the only reason I haven't gained 50lbs is because I exercise faithfully, and actually eat pretty good throughout the day.   

I've been on this rollercoaster for awhile now and I'm embarrassed to write about it here.  I know that a few people I know in real life know about this blog, but I don't know if they still read it or not.  It was never meant for real friends to read, it was meant to be my space, and if strangers found it, that was fine, they were strangers.  

A couple years ago I quit talking about my weight so much because it was redundant and I wasn't losing anything, and then I started gaining, and no one wants to hear about that.  But I've decided that maybe talking about it could give me some accountability.  I would like to lose 10lbs by July (I think that is a very huge goal, and nearly impossible for me based on my past weight lose, which has always been very slow).  I want to post on here weekly (which I have not been successful at for many years) but a Friday post with my weight could be something that motivates me.  How embarrassing would it be for me to post that I continue to weigh the same (or close) every week, so an accountability post may be helpful.  

Of course, I could just forget about it and not post on Fridays, but I'm going to try.

So today I start at 158.4.  I've been between 157 and 160 for a long time, and I'm tired of it.