Stop stopping

When I went to college I gained weight pretty quickly, (I have never been really big, never bigger than 180ish), but I didn't notice it much.  I was 19-20-21, it wasn't a thought, I don't even know what I weighed.  Then I got pregnant and gained weight (obviously) from that, but after I had my son I did not lose much weight, my highest pregnancy weight was in the 180s, I probably went down to the 170s.  I had dropped out of college to have my son and get married, and when I went back I started taking a pill that was similar to phen-fen (even though apparently from my google search Phen-fen was already off the market at that time).  I lost 20lbs or so on that, I was exercising as well, and felt really good about myself.

I don't know my weight at all throughout my 20s, but I feel like I was pretty similar to what I am now (170s).  I regained some weight after the diet pills were no longer accessible, and then got pregnant with my second son.  I don't remember what I weighed in that pregnancy, but I know that it was lower than Damian's. But I ended my weight unconsciousness after having Maddox.  Only about 9 months after having him I started running again and consciously trying to lose weight, I was 177.

Like I said, up until then I did not think about my weight much, I was not super unhappy with how I looked.  No, I did not wear bikinis, but I never had, even in high school when I was small.  

My problem now is that I know and remember what it was like to be fitter, smaller, and feel good about my body.  Now I am pretty close to what I think is what most of my adult weight was and I am extremely unhappy with it.  Almost all my clothes (other than pants, because I had to increase the size) are clothes I wore when I was thinner and I remember what they looked like on me (I think I still look like that in them until I look at a mirror) and I get frustrated and mad when I see myself as I am now.

About a month ago, Chris told me he lost about 25 lbs.  He's been drinking a lot less and went for about 3 months with no alcohol.  I don't know if he changed what he was eating, but I know after he lost a bunch of weight, he started eating better, or at least less.  I actually had to look at an old picture of him and realized it was very noticeable.  (You know how hard it can be to tell as it happens because it's a slow process.)  

This is from our trip last August.

This is from a month ago.

Anyway, I thought, may be worth a try to give up alcohol for awhile.  I've been flirting with the idea anyway because I think my relationship with it could be healthier.  I'd like to try to have one or two drinks on the weekend, so I'm trying that first to see how it goes.  But I was also looking at a year ago when I was trying to lose weight for our August trip and I was somewhat successful.  I stalled and gave up, but I had lost close to 10lbs, and at that time I was intermittent fasting.  So I decided to go back to that.  This week I started both (cutting back alcohol and intermittent fasting) and I lost 2lbs.  And I was annoyed.  

The problem is the number is still high.  I remember when I lost the weight 10+ years ago, I was so happy to lose anything.  Now I want to lose 10 lbs in a week.  I want to go back to my 2015-2021 weights.  Even a "high" number like 155 would be fine with me. Ugh.  

Also, I need to let it work.  I need to stop stopping when it's too slow for my expectations.  

I forgot to post my runs, I ran 2x this week. 

3/17/2025 Monday: 2 miles, 11.20 min/mile

3/20 Thursday: 2 miles, 10.40 min/mile

Mid-March already?

 I have really slacked off with the running.  I don't really know why other than maybe because it got rainy?  Anyway, here is the last 4 weeks or so of (non)running.

2/18 Tuesday: 2 miles, 11.04 min/mile

2/26 Wednesday: 2 miles, 11.04 min/mile (hilly)

2/27 Thursday: 2 miles, 11.13 min/mile (hilly)

3/5 Wednesday: 2 miles, 11.12 min/mile

3/15 Saturday: 2 miles, 11.18 min/mile

Five runs in 4 weeks is terrible.  I have such a hard time forcing myself to go run nowadays.  It's really terrible, and when I'm sitting in my office thinking about it, I don't want to be that way.  But then when it's time to go run, I don't.  It doesn't help that my work has been really busy lately, so I don't have time at work and by the time I get home, I don't want to, or talk myself out of it. 

March 5th run

My weight hasn't budged, at all.  I am still high at 175.  Back when I was training for my first marathon (I realize that was 10 years ago now), I lost the weight while upping my mileage.  When I trained for my second marathon I ate a lot of crap but figured that the mileage increase would still help me lost weight, it didn't.  So my belief that running is not the key to losing weight began.  But now, I'm not running much and I am eating healthier, and I'm still not losing.  It's frustrating.

I know that it is related to my age.  10 years ago, was 10 years ago and I am now closer to 50 than 40.  I would like to figure this new body out, but I'm struggling.  

Mid-February check-in

2/2 Sunday: 3 miles, 11.17 min/mile

2/8 Saturday: 2 miles, 10.44 min/mile

2/9 Sunday: 3 miles, 11.05 min/mile

2/11 Tuesday: 2 miles, 11.27 min/miles (hilly)

2/13 Thursday: 2 miles, 11.08 min/mile (hilly)

2/15 Saturday: 3 miles, 10.53 min/mile

2/16 Sunday: 4 miles, 11.13 min/mile

I don't really know why I took the first week of February off from running.  We had ice and freezing temperatures, and I guess I just didn't want to bother with it.  I am planning on continuing to run in Mount Vernon on the hills during my lunch break.  For now, I 've decided not to increase those miles.  I can't even run the 2 miles without walking, so I figured I'd just keep with the 2 miles.  My min/mile are getting a tad faster, so that's not terrible.  

Yesterday I decided mid-run to run 3 miles, instead of 2.  When I was done I decided I'd run 4 miles today.  I know I want to increase mileage, but I've been reluctant.  2 miles is so easy, 3 miles seems so long.  It's easy to talk myself into a 2 mile run, not so easy to talk myself into a 3 mile run.  Today I ran 4 miles, I really didn't want to run.  I talked myself into 2 miles because I did 3 yesterday, then while running, I decided I might as well do the 3 miles.  At the turn-around point for 3 miles, I just kept going, and ended with 4 miles.  Often when I really don't want to run, I don't take Peanut with me.  I feel guilty about it, but I do like running without him, so I can usually force myself to do it if I don't take him.  

I'm still doing the weight training, although haven't been as diligent at doing it as often as I was.  Yesterday I did legs, and man do my legs and butt hurt today.  Earlier this week I did biceps, and that was also very, very painful the next day.  

I am still weighing myself daily, which is quite disappointing.  I am also taking measurements every 2 weeks or so, and I've seen a little bit of change there.  

Don't give up

1/28 Tuesday: 2 miles, 11.32 min/mile (hilly)

2/1 Saturday: 2 miles, 10.53 min/mile

I did not run as much in the last 2 1/2 weeks as I wanted to.  Last Friday I got a post put in my mouth where I had a tooth removed in November.  The post is for the fake tooth that will get put in my mouth in 4 or so months.  Honestly, I think the post insertion is worse than the tooth pulling.  If your bone is good (jaw) they can put the post in at the same time as the tooth pulling, which is recommended, however, I had an infection and they said my bone was too soft for the post.  Instead they had to let my bone heal and then they drilled into it and put the post in.  It sucks.  

Anyway, my first run after that was Tueseday.  I was going to run again on Thursday, but then I got sick, really, really sick, and that prevented that run.  Today I'm feeling better, so I went for a run.  It means that I ran only 27 miles in January.  

I'd like to get back into hilly running shape, so my plan is to run on lunch breaks at work 2 times a week.  I keep looking back on when I started running in 2012, wondering if I can do that again.  But I just don't think that's going to happen.  Back then I was running 5 days a week, I haven't run 5 days a week since 2013.  But I am essentially starting from scratch.  

I have quit focusing on my weight, and have been recording my measurements.  I decided I'd do the beginning of the month and the middle of the month.  Sadly, I'm not going down much, but there is a little progress by a half inch here and there.  I am still weighing myself, but have not lost anything at all.  It is frustrating, but I don't want to let it get to me, not yet.  

In January 2024 I stated, on this blog, that I would not be at the same place come January 2025.  Sadly, I am exactly where I was in Jan. 2024.  I gave up in August, maybe July because I knew I wouldn't get to where I wanted to be by the time we went on the cruise.  So stupid, I was down 10lbs or so, but I gained it back in the 4 months between then and now.  I have to keep that in mind when I think about giving up again.  

Hills?

1/18 Saturday: 2miles, 11.09min/mile

1/19 Sunday: 3miles, 11.36min/mile

1/20 Monday: 2miles, 10.54min/mile

1/23 Thursday: 2miles, 11.49min/mile

Yesterday I knew I wasn't going to have time to run after work, so I decided to take running clothes to work. My job is about one mile from my old house, so I know the streets, and used to run on those streets.  Holy cow, the hills are killer.  I felt like I barely ran at all, but just walked most of the "run."  It was terrible, and also made me realize how out of shape I've become.  I used to run 3, 4, 5, 6+ miles in this neighborhood without stopping.  

Last fall I started doing hill repeats after work, but I quit when I got sick.  I'm thinking I need to do at least one day a week after work there doing hill repeats.  Either that or just start running that neighborhood again, but that would mean Peanut never gets out.  I don't know.

I have not done yoga consistently since October.  My sister was gone for a couple weeks and when she came back I was sick, then the holidays, and most recently my side/back issue.  So I have done yoga/pilates only about 3 weeks sporadically (not in a row) since October.  I have been doing the weight training with Caroline Girvan 3 to 5 days a week since a week before Christmas.  I haven't seen any results, but I am trying not to get discouraged.  

On another note, I measured Maddox this last week and he has grown!

That is 4 1/2 inches in one year! He is officially taller than me now.

I don't have a lot to say, but I am still wanting to update, because it's important to me to be consistent.  

Update

Thursday 1/9: 2 miles, 11.04 min/mile

Saturday 1/11: 2 miles, 10.39 min/mile

Sunday 1/12: 3 miles, 11.14 min/mile

Tuesday 1/14: 2 miles 11.29 min mile

Sometime last week I did something to my sideback.  On Thursday I could barely move, it hurt so bad.  It is getting better, but it hurts to sleep on my side, not because I'm laying on it, but because if I lay on the side that doesn't hurt, it scrunches the side that hurts, and if I lay on the side that does hurt, it stretches it and hurts.  I am not a natural back sleeper, but I've been trying to stay on my back.  

A few months ago I got a waist leash to help with Peanut's pulling, but he still pulls.  Saturday he was doing okay-ish, but then I let him sniff a couple dogs in their yard and he started jumping around to play, and pulled on the leash.  It almost brought me down from the pain in my side.  

I really wish it would snow here.  It's cold enough at night, but no precipitation.  That's the problem with this area, when it's cold enough to snow, it's always because there are no clouds.  The clouds insulate, so often when there is precipitation, it's too warm.  We haven't had a really good snow in a couple years.  It makes me sad.

What else is going on here?  I did 4 days of the weight program I've been doing last week, but today (Wednesday) was the first day I did it this week.  We'll see if I get my butt up the rest of the week.  

I don't have a lot to share, but wanted to update.

A couple days of running

 Sunday: 3 mile run. 11.45 min/mile

Monday: 2 mile run. 11.17 min/mile

A long time ago I decided you all (all 7 that follow me, who knows if all 7 even still look at my page) didn't care about the minutiae of my daily runs and my weight loss.  But I'm thinking that it is for me, not all you strangers.  So I have been writing them down here.  I just posted on Saturday, so felt like I should not post again so soon, but I am proud that I went for a run today.  

I didn't sleep well last night and was exhausted, so went home early. It was super sunny when I got home so I decided to go for a short run.  I also didn't want to take the dog, so I didn't.  I always feel guilty when I don't take him, but I get really tired of him pulling all the time. 

Well, I was talking to a friend, and I kinda sorta agreed to train for a half marathon in June.  I did put a caveat that I could back out up until March.  So we shall see.  

Anyway, the last two days runs. . . yesterday was 3 miles, and they were slow.  I am not able, or maybe it's just my brain telling me I'm not able, to run a full 3 miles without walking.  Looking at stats, I walked 3 min and was "idle" for 1 min.  My moving time was 31 min.  

Interestingly, today I only did 2 miles and walked for 2 min, but no idle time.  I'm thinking I need to quit walking.  Today I did a lot of activity, yoga this morning, a run, and then 10 min core workout with Caroline Girvan.  She has a lot of videos on youtube, which is what I am using, but apparently she also has an app or website that you can subscribe to.  I already subscribe to Beachyogagirl which I do with my sister, so I'm not willing to pay for another site.  The youtube videos are fine, I do wish I could filter them better, but so far I'm figuring it out.  I am not following just one of her series (she has several), but finding shorter ones (20 min) and keeping track of what body parts I'm doing so I don't repeat.  

If I'm going to be posting here more again, I need to start remembering to take more pictures.  I don't have any new ones from the last many runs.  This one is from October, but I didn't have Peanut that day either, so it works.  😊

back to the beginning

 First run of 2025 done, a short 2 mile run.  Pretty slow.  11.38 mile/min.  

Before getting a bigger dog, I thought that if I had a dog, I'd want to run more often. Peanut is a great running dog, but he's still a puppy and not always a great companion.  For example, before Christmas, he got spooked by a parked car (yes, parked) and jumped in front of me causing me to trip and fall. 🙄 Stupid dog.  He also pulls quite a bit, and while I got a waist leash and at least he's not pulling at my arm anymore, he's still pulling me. At first I thought that would help make me faster, but it just makes me more tired.  Even if I run faster, he's still pulling at me to go faster.  No matter what, he's faster than I am.  

I was planning on going to do a Caroline Girvan workout today to make 5 days this week, but I don't know now.  I've done 4 days in a row and would like a break, which I was planning on taking tomorrow, but maybe I'll take it today.  I am planning on running again tomorrow.  

I may post small posts to keep track of my running.  I don't know if that will keep me accountable, but I am interested in trying something.  

My kids (and Peanut) on New Year's Eve

Reading old posts is interesting.  Although depressing.  In April 2012 I was battling getting under 170, and almost 13 years later, I'm back to that same dilemma.  However, this time I also have peri-menopause to deal with. 13 years and a lifetime different.  Also, it's weird to think about it, but Maddox was only 9 months old when I started running.  I can't believe I've been running his whole life.  

Also, I was kicking around the idea of doing dry January, but then I saw someone describe their January as sober(ish) January, and that is what I'm doing.  Less alcohol, but still some for the weekends.

New year, new me - crap

I started a post at the beginning of December, and got 2 sentences in and didn't finish.  I was going to talk about Thanksgiving, but that was so long ago.  Well, all my sisters came to my house for dinner.  It is the first time my oldest sister has visited me for 9 years.  She was never at my previous house and we lived there for 7 years, and then we've been in this house for 2 now. Anyway, it was a good Thanksgiving.

However, my nephew had a terrible cough, and my sister (a different one) said he had been to the doctor and was told it was allergies, so he was on allergy meds.  Well, guess what, Sunday after they left I got a sore throat and was sick for that week.  Then the sore throat turned to a cough, and I still have it.  That was 5 weeks ago.  I call bullshit on my nephew's dr.  It is getting better, there was about 2 weeks where I had to sleep sitting up, and another week or so of waking up coughing soooo bad.  Although, I did go to e. WA this last weekend for my sister Christmas and the cough got bad again, but I think it was the dry air, because it's better again (still there, but better).  

Christmas was good.  I always go overboard on the presents, and this year wasn't much better, but I think everyone was happy.  It was also the first year Damian had Asher for Christmas morning, so that was a lot of fun.  

Then we went to the Lake for the weekend after Christmas.  This is our 3rd year doing that, and I am not a big fan of it.  It is a really long drive and there just isn't enough space for everyone.  But it was okay.  Turns out the sister with the nephew that got me sick, was sick and decided not to come because her cough was still really bad.  Damian had to work on Saturday so Chris and I took Asher with us, and Damian joined on Sunday.  It was a lot of fun to watch Asher play with his (much older) cousins (1st cousins once removed, but who's counting?).

I didn't want to make this post all about pictures, that's why there aren't so many.  

I actually decided to post because I was reading the very beginnings of my blog, and thought maybe I should write again.  I don't mean to not write, but I really haven't been running much.  I was doing really well, and was increasing my miles.  September I had my highest mileage month (only 34, but still pretty good considering) and then I got a tooth pulled in October and used that as an excuse to not run, and then I got sick in November, even before this stupid cough, I had some weird thing where I was just exhausted.  Then I just didn't in December, well, that is technically when this cough started (Dec. 1). And here we are, the end of Jan. 3rd and I have not run this year at all.  

I did start a new workout with weights.  I follow a facebook page, and there are lots of recommendations for doing Caroline Girvan workouts for weight training, so I started doing that right before Christmas.  I committed myself to doing it 5 days a week for 2 weeks, and then only did it 4 days (to my credit, I was in e. WA during some of that time), but I came home and tomorrow will be my 5th day for this week, my 3rd week.

I'd like to start running again.  Which is why I got on here to look at my original posts.  I was reading the first month, and I was running 5 or 6 days a week and had already increased my speed and my miles by week 4.  I have not been doing that this time around, obviously.  One of the things I was thinking about yesterday is that I started running in March when it's much sunnier in the evenings, and right now it's dark when I get home.  I know that I have run in the dark a million times, and the rain, but right now, those two things seem insurmountable.  I have intentions to go run, but I just don't.  But then what is my excuse for the weekend? because I'm also not running both Saturday and Sunday.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm not a runner anymore.  I want to be.  I want to be that person that ran 2 marathons and a ton of half marathons.  But the work to get there again is so overwhelming . . . I think it's the again part that is frustrating.  

But . . . it's a new year, and while I don't believe in resolutions or "new year, new me" crap, I do want to make this change. 

Oh, and I am exactly where I was weight wise at the beginning of 2024, when  I promised myself I wouldn't be.  It's sooooo frustrating.  I know it's age related, but I also have bad habits I've picked up again after 10 years and I can't seem to find the motivation to make the changes I have to.  

October

 I got on here and was thinking, oh, I did post in September, I'm not as far behind as I thought . . . forgetting there's a whole month between September and November, and it's my birthday month. 🤣

Anyway, what did I do in October?  Well, like I said, I had a birthday.  I decided to go back to the Lake alone for my birthday because I enjoyed it so much last year.  For whatever reason, it wasn't as enjoyable this year.  Maybe because last year I went for a longer time period.  I had Covid and went for 5?? days, this year, it was just a long weekend.  I took my hammock chair and a hook thing so I could sit in it.  I left the hook attached to the roof, and am excited that now I can take my hammock chair in the summer too.

I did stop at my sister's house (where my parents used to live, and I grew up) on my way through.  I was there less than 12 hours, but it was a hard day.  I was sitting outside watching the sunrise and was just really, really sad. I couldn't figure out why I was so sad, suddenly I remembered what day it was, October 4, exactly 3 years since my Dad died.  

I made a detour through Lind to "see" my parents.  I had been planning on doing it even before I remembered the date, but it made it harder somehow.  I had brought some flowers from home and left them.  I sat and cried and talked to them for a little bit.  It was just a sad morning.

We had a night of incredible northern lights.  We missed the big one in the summer so I was determined not to miss this one, and it did not disappoint.  Although, we could only really see it amazingly when we took pictures.

And of course we went to the pumpkin patch.  These are pictures we've been doing for years.  We started going to this pumpkin patch when Maddox was a baby.  The ones of small Maddox, he was 1 year old, I know there's some from when he was only 4 months old, but I couldn't find them in the time allotted to write this.  😊

And then of course, there was Halloween.

At the beginning of November Chris and I went to a Seahawks game.  It was my first live NFL game.  I had a lot of fun, but don't think I'll do that again.  I enjoy watching it on TV better.  I can pause, rewind, and hear the commentary.  But it was an experience I'm happy I did.

And that's pretty much what we did the last month.

I suppose I can talk about my running. I was planning on October being my highest mileage run month this year, but then I got a tooth pulled and quit running completely for a couple weeks.  I don't really know what happened, but in September I had upped my "long" run to 4 miles, and was working on getting my daily (and by daily, I mean the 3 other days I run) to 3 miles, but in October, I did no long runs at all.  I was doing hills 2x times a week, but then with my tooth I quit that.  I have struggled to get back into the groove of running (again).  Especially since it's now dark outside when I get home.  I did just get a lighted collar for Peanut, so we'll see if that motivates me a little more.

Happy September

 I have been doing a lot better with running.  Starting the second to last week in August I have been faithfully running 4 days a week.  I am only running 9 miles a week, 3 miles for a "long run" and 2 mile the other three days.  I did run 4 miles a week ago for my long run, but then last weekend I went to Long Beach (WA, not CA) and skipped 2 of my last week's runs and my "long run" on Sunday.  I could have gotten most of my runs in, including Sunday, but was lazy.  I was home early enough on Sunday to do something, but just didn't want to.

I have tentatively made a running schedule, but it usually ends up differently. Sunday is an always, then Tuesday and Wednesday or Thursday and Saturday is another always.  However it has ended up being Sunday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.  That does mean I'm running 3 days in a row, but it's still 4 days a week.  Today is Tuesday, so I keep telling myself to just go run tonight, but then my brain says I don't have to, I can do tomorrow and Thursday.  I don't know.  

Last week was Asher's birthday, but he was with his Mom, so we're celebrating tonight (another excuse not to run today).  Yesterday was Damian's birthday . . . there are so many September birthdays in my family, it's crazy!

2 1/2 weeks ago was Maddox's first day of 8th grade.  I can't believe how big he's gotten in the last year.  He is a teenager now, and that hurts my heart.  I really do miss his little kid goofiness. (The video is a million times better with sound.)

I wrote this earlier today, I actually did come home and ran.  So yay me.