more reminiscing and some guilt

 I've mentioned (multiple times now) that I'm reading old blog posts as I'm inputting old runs into the Garmin app.  Well, I stumbled (I guess that's not quite the right word) on this post about running in Kauai, from January of 2014.  I did not remember that we were planning on going to Kauai in 2015, I do know that in June of 2014 I was laid off due to the program I was working in being moved to a different agency.  I'm sure that's why I didn't go to Kauai in 2015.  We did go in 2019, and it was just as beautiful as I thought it would be.  I also think it's interesting that this picture that I posted in 2014

is the same beach as these pictures I took in 2019

It's hard to tell, but I'm pretty sure the top picture from 2019 is just the water to the right of the stock photo I posted in 2014. The second photo is the opposite side of the beach, I think. I still have not run a race in Kauai, but I have run many times, and it is just as beautiful as it looked in pictures in 2014.

I've also noticed that I was really selfish in my early years of running.  I forgot that my first half marathon was only because Damian, who was 14 years old at the time, volunteered to miss his gymnastics thing (being in a parade) to watch Maddox, who was 2, while I ran.  When I read that post I felt really bad that I did that.  I know at the time it was a big deal to me, but to put that onto my 14 year old.  I just feel bad.  I realize now that I treated Damian like a mini-adult instead of the teenager he was.  I have been paying attention to Maddox and his teenage years lately, and I've allowed him to be a kid a lot longer than Damian was allowed.  

There are differences, I was a single parent until Damian was 10, and I used him as an "emotional support person" a lot, which is also not good.  But then I threw him into a relationship (even if it was his Dad) that changed the dynamics of everything, and then had another baby, which really pushed him to the side.  I'm thinking I need to take him out and apologize for how I treated him when he was still just a kid (not that I was mean, but that I expected so much from him).