Doing better

 After last week of being so stressed out and not doing remote learning (aka homeschool) for Maddox well, and not doing work well, this week has been better, although with different worries.  We decided, for my sanity, and so that Maddox and I don't end every day in tears, that he would go to the Boys and Girls Club every day to do remote learning there.  He has two people in his room to help with the school work for 8 kids, and while that isn't as good as one on one, at least their job is to help, and they aren't trying to do a job while helping.  So that has made my life easier at home during the day.  

BUT Maddox has a learning disability and his stuff for his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) isn't set up yet, plus I worry he's missing stuff because there isn't a person standing right there with him all the time helping him getting into his meetings.  Plus, he doesn't want to go, and every night he is upset because he can't stay with me.  

I think I'm overthinking it.  I'm not sleeping very well.  Yesterday I woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep because I was thinking too much.  This is a relatively new (in my life of almost 44 years) thing, when I get too stressed, I can't sleep.  It happened in 2014 as well when I lost my job and we had to move and couldn't afford life.  I slept a few hours every night and felt awful all the time.  Last night I slept pretty good, so that was nice.

I did cut back on my drinking.  I didn't quit completely, but cut back, and I am okay with it.  I feel good that I am not drinking crazily still.  I am also doing an extra exercise 3 or four times a week.  I actually haven't kept track of how many times.  I know I didn't do it Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday of this week.  I did today and yesterday.  I was going to say I did 3 times last week, but I might have done 4.  It's kind of a combination of some yoga poses and some butt and ab workouts with pushups.  It's not much, about 20 min at a time.  But it's something.  

I'm also eating very well within my calories.  I weighed myself today and from the first of the month I am down a little over 2 lbs, and a little over 1 lb from last Friday.  When you say it "out loud" it "sounds" like so little.  2.2 lbs isn't much.  1.2 lbs is less. And it sucks.  But it's better than staying where I was or going up.  

I was keeping track of my weight on my bathroom mirror, but a few months ago I decided it looked terrible, and if people used that bathroom (it's the one in my bedroom, but still, if the main one is in use, people use it) than they can see my weight.  So I wrote all down in a notebook and am keeping track there now.  I was looking at it today and realized I have not been lower than 153 all of 2020, and I'd say my average is 155.  That's terrible.

I guess I'll keep trekking onward.