Catching up

 I have a secret.  I had not run since January 24th.  And I only ran 5 times in January for a total of 15 miles.  I was doing pretty good, I was increasing my miles and running regularly in November.  I wanted to run more miles in December than November, but the wheels kinda fell off my bus.  Looking back I only ran twice before the flood on the 12th, but I suppose that may be because we had been getting flood warnings and it was suuupppeeer rainy leading up to the flood (which is why it flooded).  

Then I decided that since I was taking 3 weeks off to help Chris after his surgery I was going to get back to running.  I could do it during the day, and not have to worry about work.  And then I didn't.  I ran the day after his surgery (I needed to, he was driving me nuts) and then only on the weekends, but only one day of the weekend.  

Honestly, my life has been crazy stressful and I know running would help, but I just don't want to.  And since I've been back to work, I'm busy.  I often work until 5:30 or 6pm and then I have to get Maddox to swim practice (did I mention he's on the school swim team?) that starts at 7pm and goes to 8:30, then it's home and bed.  I was the only one taking him to swim because Chris wasn't allowed to drive yet.  The doctor originally told him no driving for 6 weeks, but last week Chris called and was told he could drive if he's not on his pain meds. So that's much nicer.

The weekend after his surgery was weird.  He was having very vivid dreams and googled his medications.  He saw that the interactions between them could cause hallucinations, so he went off Wellbutrin, which he was on to stop nicotine for the surgery.  Well, then he was really hallucinating, waking up in the middle of the night asking me if I was okay (he thought I was outside with my sisters, locked out) and one day in the middle of the day he came out and asked if the "resident nurse and the little girl" were still here.  They hung "little birds" from his ceiling.  Anyway, I work in mental health and know that many drugs (Wellbutrin is mainly used as an antidepressant) you should not stop cold-turkey. I looked it up, and yep, stopping cold turkey can cause hallucinations.  I called his dr and they told me to have him go back on it, and he can taper off. I was also told he should start tapering off his pain meds (every single one of them had the "rare" side effect of vivid dreams or hallucinations).  Once he went back on the wellbutrin his hallucinations stopped.  Now he's scared of the pain meds, which I find funny because it was the Wellbutrin that made it super bad.  😂

While I was on leave, I had a mammogram, which came back abnormal, so they had me come back to do another with a more microscopic look.  It was determined that I have calcifications in my breast, so they had me come back last week to do a biopsy.  That was awful.  I had a panic attack while attached to the machine . . . like boob being squished, and a needle in it, it was horrible.  I've never had a panic attack before.  Funny thing . . . they told me they were done, disconnected me and calmed me down.  Then told me that the machine didn't work right, and they needed to do it again. Thankfully the second time I was okay and didn't almost pass out.  They were really on top of it, and it was pretty obvious they were used to people reacting that way.  The nurse even said she had one lady pass out and she had to hold her head.  I'm really glad I did not.

My doctor called on Friday and told me that I do not have cancer, but I have atypical cells that could turn into cancer.  I have to have a consultation with a general surgeon to determine if he wants to remove the cells.  I may have to go off the birth control I take for hormone replacement, which has me worried because I do not want the symptoms of perimenopause.  It sucks.  Now I have to wait for that call.  All-in-all, it's been very stressful here.  

For my job, we have a crisis phone that gets rotated through the office, this weekend I had the phone.  On Sunday, I finally felt like going for a run.  I left the crisis phone at home and told my son to call me if it rings.  I've never had it ring while I was running before, but of course it did only half a mile into my run.  Thankfully I was close enough to home that I could turn around and call the person back before too long.  We have about 15 min to call someone back, I was a little over that, I think, but it wasn't a real crisis anyway.  Actually, looking at the phone now, it was only 8 min, so that's good.  

I did not go back out to finish my run.  I did a little over a mile, so whatever.  

Posts are better with pictures, so
here is Ari, laying on Damian's
bed in the living room.