Where does time go?

 December already??  Where did the time go?  I can't believe time has flown so fast.  Funnily, I started this the second day of December and didn't finish.  Now we're past the halfway mark already!!  Only 5 days to Christmas.

It's sad really, I decided in September that I was going to up my mileage, and I was excited to have a high mileage month in October.  I did a 10 mile run the first Sunday of October (my longest run in a long, long time) and the very next day my Dad died.  So instead it became the month of 1 mile runs.  Half the month was just 1 mile.  Then at the end of October I got sick for 2 or 3 weeks, and November was also tanked.  

I got my Covid booster shot about a week ago.  I was really nervous, and turns out, my symptoms were worse than after my second shot.  I got the Pfizer shot and was only just tired after my second shot.  After my booster, I felt horrible, I had a headache, and fluctuated between sweating profusely and freezing.  There were some points where I was both freezing in one area of my body and burning in another.  It was strange.  It lasted about 16 hours, and then I was fine.

I haven't had much to talk about lately, which would explain why I haven't posted.  

I did start a keto inspired diet, and did excellently the first week.  I lost 6 lbs the week after Thanksgiving.  Then I decided I was going to eat whatever I wanted for the weekend, and I gained 3 lbs.  The following week I lost 1 and a half pound, which was about 4 lbs from where I started.  And then over the weekend I gained a little (only about a pound) and then I lost about 1.5 lbs again, which put me at about a 4.5 lb weight lose overall.  The initial 6 lbs was amazing, but I didn't have any energy.  By my Thursday run I was really, really dragging.  Which I found interesting because when I did my first marathon everything I read was that protein was how to build long term energy, carbs give you a quick boost, but protein stays longer.  

I don't really have anything to write about. When I had school I blamed it on all the papers I wrote, but now I'm not writing anything, and I still don't know what to write.  This will likely be my only December post because of this.  So I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

Pipe Dreams

 When I was younger I wanted to be a writer.  I used to write short stories for school.  I even went to the "Young Writers of America" conference.  I had written a "book" about a girl who to teleport herself wherever she wanted to go just by snapping her fingers.  My mom illustrated it (she was surprisingly good) and I was chosen to go to the conference.  I loved it.  I started a couple different stories, but somehow never finished them (I wish I knew where the finger snapping book went, I bet my Mom kept it, but who knows where).  My mom always thought I'd be a journalist one day, and I did do some writing for a short-lived school paper, but somewhere my dreams of writing disappeared.

Every once in a while I think about it, and wish I had kept doing it.  I had a title for a book "The Third Child" but could never figure out what it was about or anything else.  I got the name sorta from my Dad.  He was a third child, and I am a third child.  In fact, one of the reasons I tried for a third child was because of that.  

Recently I've been thinking about writing again.  Have you heard of the stages of change?  They may be old and a little outdated, but it involves the stages of pre-contemplation (not recognizing something needs to change), contemplation (knowing something needs to change, but not actually working on it), preparation, action, and maintenance.  I feel like I may be in contemplation stage, seriously thinking about doing something.  

Today I started reading a book.  Have you ever read a book that makes you want to do something?  This one makes me want to write.  And you wouldn't think this book would have that affect.  The book is "Becoming" by Michelle Obama (it is fantastic).  So I decided I would write a paragraph.  But then I couldn't decide what to write about.  It's much harder than it seems to come up with something spontaneously.  It is not a story, just a beginning, and not very really very good.  I guess I can see potential, but I'd have to change some things.  Don't write something based in a country you know nothing about.  😂

Anyway, if you want a good book, read "Becoming," I'm not done with it, but I really like it.

Life goes on for the living

This week I was supposed to be at the Grand Canyon with my dad and sister.  It was my dad's graduation gift to me.  As you know, we didn't go.  Well, I assume you know, since my Dad is no longer here.  Instead I went to my parent's house with my sister and her husband because we had a meeting with his attorney and accountant.  We stayed for the week so she could go through paperwork, and I am working remotely (which I do at home anyway).  

Honestly, even though it was a hard week, it was also sorta what I needed.  Yes, I still have to get up and do some work, but I do not have to worry about my family.  I have a bed to myself and just don't have to think about my son.  I think I do a lot of worrying about him and while I've been here I haven't had that burden.  I also do a lot of mediating between him and my husband, and again, while here, I haven't had that.  

This morning I woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep because my room was too hot. My sister gets up at 5 because she starts work at 6 and she turns on the heater.  She already likes it much warmer than I do, and then for her to turn it up to 72 (yikes!) at 5am was too much for me today.  I ended up grabbing some icepacks from the freezer, I put two on my feet and one in the pillow I hug, and fell back asleep.  It was sooooo nice to sleep until after 7:30.  At home I would have had to get up and get Maddox going for school, but here, I don't have to do that.

My sister is coming back here in a few weeks and asked if I wanted to come, and while the answer for me is a resounding Yes! I don't think my family will appreciate it.  Even though I didn't go to the Grand Canyon, and even though I had to work, this week has been exactly what I needed that I didn't realize I needed.  I do have to go back today because tomorrow I have a work training.  I'm not excited about that at all, but I have to go.  

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October was supposed to be my running month.  I had ramped up my long runs, doing 8, 9, and 10 miles.  I was doing some speed work, hill repeats every week, and I was excited to get to 100 miles this month.  Well, then my Dad died and I've been in eastern Washington 4 times this month so my mileage plummeted. So instead of getting close to 100 miles, I'm currently at 64 miles for the month with 4 runs left.  I doubt I'll even get to 80 miles.

November 1 is my 3 year run streak anniversary.  My first anniversary I ran 3.65 miles and spelled out E65 (Lol!! I meant to spell out 365). Last year, my 2 year anniversary, my ankle was really bothering me so I only ran 2 miles to celebrate.  This year I don't know what I'm going to do. It seems like a big deal to me, but it is only to me, no one else cares.  If I had continued with my long runs, I would plan to run 10.96 miles (1096 days for 3 years, including a leap year), but my 10 mile run was at the beginning of the month (the day before my dad died) and I've been mostly running 1 and 3 miles since then.  And I just don't know if I have the motivation and desire.  

Poor me

Someone told me, it was only two weeks ago, but I can't remember who, that many people get depressed when they finish graduate school.  I thought that was so weird.  I couldn't wait to finish.  And I sit here thinking how depressed I am.  It probably has nothing to do with finishing school.  It probably has nothing to do with losing my Dad.  It is probably nothing.

Did you know that I am in the mental health field?  I've been in the field for 20 years.  I just graduated with a master's degree in counseling.  

Oh, I didn't mention that? exactly one and a half weeks after my Dad died, I finished school.  This week was the first week where I didn't have homework, or anything at all due.  Since January 8th, it's the first week where I didn't have two jobs to worry about, and meetings that go until 7pm.  And I'm sad.  I really just want to go somewhere and do nothing for at least a week.  But I can't.  I have decisions to make, sisters to deal with, a family, and a job.  I have responsibilities.  I am a responsible adult.

I want to curl up and cry.

Daddy

                Thomas John Pence died peacefully in his sleep at home early in the morning of October 4, 2021, at the age of 74. 

               Tom was born on May 7, 1947, in Spokane, WA to George and Eleanor (Borth) Pence of Lind, WA.  He lived on the family farm with his 5 brothers and sisters until he graduated from Lind High School.  He then attended Wenatchee Valley Community College in Wenatchee, WA.  After completing school there, he went on to Washington State University in Pullman, WA where he graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Animal Husbandry.  He continued to be a WSU sports fan his whole life.  After his father’s health declined, he moved back to the family farm and worked with his brother, Bob Pence, until Bob passed away in 2018.  Even though he loved the farm, he had a passion for animals and always kept a herd of cattle on the farm.

               While in Wenatchee he met Shirley Curl and they married on June 21^st, 1969.  After getting married they settled into a happy life together on the family farm and raised four daughters who were his pride and joy. 

               Tom was devoted to his family and loved spending time with his daughters, grandchildren, and great-grandchild.  He enjoyed watching their extracurricular activities and was their biggest supporter.  He will be remembered for his kindness, generosity, and his willingness to help whenever needed. 

               Tom was an active member of the Connell Church of the Nazarene.  He was a youth group leader, church board member, board steward, and board secretary.

               Tom is survived by his four daughters, Barbara Pence of Hatton, Nancy (Scott) Curl of Lynnwood, Cathy (Chris) Wheatcroft of Mount Vernon, and Tami Davis of Lind.  He had 6 grandchildren, Matthew and Kaylee of Hatton, Josh of Seattle, Damian and Maddox of Mount Vernon, and AJ of Lind and great-grandchild Asher of Mount Vernon. As well as his brother, Marc (Barb) Pence of Portland, OR; sister Jane Pence of Spokane and sister Judy Pence of Lind along with several nieces and nephews.  Waiting to welcome him home was his beloved wife, Shirley, his sister Mary Kay Pence, his brother Bob Pence and his parents. 

               Visitation will be at the Danekas Funeral Home in Ritzville on Friday, October 15, 2021 from 11am until 7pm.   The internment will be held at the Lind Cemetery on Saturday, October 16, 2021 at 10am with the memorial service following at the Connell Church of the Nazarene at 11:30am. 

Slowing down

I'm still here, slogging away.  I am 3 weeks from being done with school, and believe me, I am soooooo ready!  I was really stressed and struggling a lot for the end of July and beginning of August.  My post from August 13, Decisions, really explains what was happening.  Sometime just after I posted that I decided that my current job is a one time only thing, if I leave I won't get that opportunity again.  My internship likes me, they've assured me I would be hired there, so if I didn't stay, I could come back.  I've been very open and honest with my supervisor about it, and he said that he will welcome me back if I choose to sometime in the future.  So I decided to stay with my current job.  They found a clinical supervisor for me (someone who can oversee my hours to get licensed) and assure me that they will provide me with a mental health counseling position in order to get those hours.  Now I'm three weeks away.  

I will go back to full-time which that alone will increase my pay.  I got a raise in January of this year but immediately cut my hours to be able to do a second (non-paid) job.  But I have been promised another raise with my increased responsibilities.  I am definitely excited about better/more pay.  And going down to one job will be soooo nice.  And I will be done with work by 430pm, no more working until 7 a couple nights a week.  Have I mentioned I am really happy to be done with school?

I will be the first person in my entire family with a master's degree.  My Mom was an RN, but when she became an RN all that was needed was two year degree.  I am the only one of my sisters that even has a 4 year degree, and now I will have a master's.  I'm not bragging, but am really proud of myself.  

I am still running, today was day 1057.  I am about a month and a half away from 3 years of running at least 1 mile a day.  A few weeks ago I decided to concentrate on my heartrate instead of my pace.  I'm not truly doing heart rate running which means I should be running at a 136 heart rate (180-my age which is 44).  I guess I'm doing more of a 80/20 type training. I am currently trying to keep my heart rate at 140, but I'm doing one workout a week of high intensity running.  This means that most of my running has been closer or higher to 10 min/mile pace.  Which, honestly, isn't much slower than previously, but I quit putting pressure on myself.  I have found myself enjoying my runs a lot more.  It also means that I've been more motivated to go run.  

Last week I decided rather than pushing myself to run hard for 3 miles once a week (that 20% where I'm supposed to push myself), I'll start running hills again.  So I ran hill repeats the last two Saturdays and a long, slow run on Sundays.  Hills suck and my butt hurts.  Last week I ran 8 miles which was my  longest run since April 2020 (my last 8 mile run).  Today I ran 9 miles, my longest run since July 2019 (my last 9 mile run).  

Me legs hurt and my butt hurts, but I feel great.  

Lake vacation

 August means we go on vacation.  We've had a week of vacation in August every year since forever (10? 12? years, I don't know).  However, this year we went to Hawaii for two weeks in June so we were planning a long weekend at my family's lake house at Deer Lake in eastern WA (we started going there 6 years ago) instead of our normal week away.  Well, right before we went to Hawaii, Chris's work told them that anyone that was fully vaccinated by July 1st would get 40 hours of vacation time.  Perfect!  Chris has been vaccinated since March.  And I can work from home, so while that means I had to actually do work on our "vacation" we still got to go to the Lake.  

We went the first week of August, and it was nice.  I don't know if you remember that last year the Lake house was under construction.  When we got there this year it looked so nice . . . and I didn't take a picture of it at all.  (silly me)  But it was a wonderful week. 

We went to my Dad's house for the first night.  We left on Friday after work, so instead of doing the 7 hour drive after work, we did the 4 hour drive to my Dad's and then left Saturday morning.  Besides, we needed to pick up a key because the doors had been changed with the construction. 

Of course I ran while there.  The temperatures were in the 90s, so I had to do early runs.  They were still hotter than I like, mid to high-70s, but I did it.  

My favorite spot.  There was (as you can see) smoke, but the first few days it wasn't too bad.  It did get really bad on Wednesday, but then the wind picked up (bad for the fires, good for the air quality) and the smoke cleared up Thursday and Friday, but the temperatures also dropped.  

We did not get very good sunsets because of the smoke.  Thursday when we had the least smoke, it was cloudy.  😒

Of course I spent time on my paddle board.  

My nephew joined us for the entire week, and my sister came up on Thursday evening with my dad.

I honestly didn't take a lot of pictures this year.  I usually take a ton, but this year I just felt like doing nothing.  I don't think I have any of my dad, sister, Chris, or Maddox and my nephew (just the one above).  

While there I just didn't feel like running.  I haven't been super motivated to run at all lately.  I am actually grateful for my runstreak because I feel like I might not be running at all if I didn't have it.  Or maybe the runstreak is why I'm burned out on it, I don't know.  Anyway, there were a lot of 1 mile runs that week, and I was okay with that.  I did stop doing yoga/pilates with my sister that week.  I did it one day, but didn't want to get up and be working out early enough for her to do her work.  Plus, it meant less alone morning time.  By the time we were done with yoga, I'd go run, and then people were awake and my coffee/lake time was cut short. So after the first day we didn't do it (actually, maybe we did it two days).  (Don't worry, we picked up after I got home.)

We left on Saturday, usually we wait till Sunday, but our landlord wanted to come look at our (her) house that Monday, so we went home to clean up.  We are not messy people, or at least disgusting messy, but we do let things build up in the corners of our living spaces.  And I am really terrible about flat spaces, our table is usually full of stuff.  It is kind of funny though because I had complained to Chris that I was annoyed about the "corners" a few weeks before, so the weekend before we left we spent quite a lot of time cleaning "corners" so we only had to do the surface stuff when we got home, but we did spend a lot of time cleaning.    

Decisions

 I was looking at some of my posts from earlier this year.  One of them was titled "Not Good" where I talked about starting my practicum in a week and not doing well with the idea of doing that and working 30 hours a week.  I mentioned that I had 10 months of it and I didn't know how I'd survive.  Well, I have 2 months and 2 weeks left.  I have been doing it.  I am exhausted and can't wait to be done, but I'm doing it.  

I have some very big decisions to make. The paying job I have is expanding and they are talking about making a program manager for it. However, as of right now, there are no counseling positions available at my current job and that is my degree.  I will need 3000 hours of supervised counseling in order to get my license (Licensed Mental Health Counselor or LMHC), and unless things change I wouldn't be able to do that at my paying job.  The CEO there is very interested in keeping me and is going to work on including counseling in my new position so that I can get my hours, but there's no guarantee.  

On the other hand, my internship has basically told me that I have a position there if I want it when I graduate.  I like counseling kids . . . or actually I like kids.  I don't care for the counseling part very much.  But I am very invested in my current clients there.  

Anyway, all of this has my head reeling.  Hopefully in 6 months I can look back at this post and laugh, the same way I did the one titled "Not Good."

I don't have a picture, so here's a funny.

Hawaii pictures

I don't know why, but in edit mode, I can't see these pictures, all I see is links. So I can't comment on each picture. You'll just have to look at them and know we had a good time. 😊