Rant follows

This is my blog, this is my space.  It is a very tiny space in the blogging world, I have very few followers, if one of my posts hits 20 readers, it's a big number.  And yet, I stay away from topics that I worry will offend others.  Today, I might offend all 20 of my readers.  I am not going to apologize, my space, my thoughts.  Don't like it, don't read.  I write for me, not for the less than 20 people that read this regularly.

I grew up in rural eastern Washington.  My family were farmers, and Christian.  I went to church every Sunday morning and evening and every Wednesday evening.  I was a "leader" in my youth group, I went to Christian concerts, and Christian events.  My parents voted for Ronald Reagan, George Bush Sr and Jr and every other republican out there.  I voted for George W. Bush and did not vote for Barack Obama (I also did not vote for McCain because my sister disliked him for some reason and I agreed with that reason at the time, I don't remember if I voted for Romney, I hope not).  

By the middle of President Obama's 2nd term, I called myself a liberal republican, I was very in the middle of many, many issues.  I had the conservative background of my upbringing, but I work in social services, and social services is well known for being pretty liberal.  And then a few things happened in 2015 and 2016.  I had very close friends that were very liberal, and what happens when you surround yourself with others, you start to become more like them.  I was exposed to many stories and ideas about President Obama that was contrary to what my family said, and it made sense.  And then Trump entered the presidential race.  I thought I love Celebrity Apprentice, but can't stand Trump, and there's no way he will win.  But he did. He did after saying he can grab any woman by the pussy.  He did after attacking a family of an American soldier that was killed.  He did after mocking a reporter with a disability.

I can't agree that he is good for this country.  I can't.  Now, even though many of my beliefs are not different than 8 years ago (some are, I've grown), I am considered very liberal.  I would put myself to the left of middle now (previously I would have been the right of middle), but I can still see both sides of some things.  But somehow in the last 4 years the axis changed and there seems to be no middle.

Many years ago, when Black lives matter became a "thing."  I was one of those people saying "all lives matter."  I said something on an ex-coworkers facebook post asking why all lives matter is offensive, and she explained to me, of course all lives matter, we know that, but right now we are standing behind Black lives because they need it.  How can all lives matter if an entire race is being abused?  And I understood.  

Now, during this time, I want to explain it to my family, I want these people, who I know are good people to understand and to realize we can't continue to scream all lives matter when there are people being targeted simply because of their skin color.  I want them to listen to the stories I've heard about people walking in the mall and being followed simply because they are not white people, how 9 and 10 year old children, children, have guns pulled on them by cops because they are Black and are playing in a park, on a sidewalk, in their driveway.  But they don't listen, or don't care.  

I have liberal friends and I have very conservative family members.  I get bombarded everyday with both sides of the story, and I get annoyed when they don't understand the concept of Black lives matter.  

This is one of my favorite memes I've seen, and I don't understand why the concept is hard to understand.

All of this to say, I feel angry.  I feel angry at the people that stick their heads in the sand and won't realize this is a problem, but continue to spout hate-filled nonsense.  And I also feel like I should stop.  My sisters and Dad aren't as bad as my in-laws (I completely unfollowed, not unfriended, my mother-in-law because I couldn't handle her Fox News filled rants).  But when do I call it quits?  If I call it quits, does that make my silence a part of the problem?  

This is my friend, we did a Black lives matter walk with our other friend who is Black.  It was a good day, but I thought this picture says it all about what I think about Fox News.

I moved the FB icon on my phone to a place where I won't see it as much.  I have to actually think about it and go to that spot in order to get on FB now on my phone.  And for the first day I liked it.  I forgot to get on and I was happier.  But now I'm logging onto the internet more, and on my phone, just going to Google puts up articles that Google thinks I would be interested in (it's only right about 1/4 of the time), but I still get the political stuff there.  

Honestly, it's much easier to put my head in the sand and ignore it.  I'm torn, and frustrated, and angry, and ill equipped to know what to do and how to handle it all.