Healthy eating is HARD!

I decided to skip zumba Tuesday night.  I felt like I needed a rest day, and I'm happy I took one, however, Wednesdays are rest day now because of Damian's baseball games and I dislike having two rest days in a row.  So today I am going for a run.  Last Thursday I did intervals on my treadmill and I enjoyed it, so I may do that again today.  I feel like doing it on my treadmills forces me to run faster than comfortable and I can bump it up if I want to. 

I also got Insanity yesterday.  I couldn't start it yesterday but Chris wants to start it today.  I'm really worried about it, not just for me, but also for Chris.  Chris is not in shape at all and he's starting this cold turkey.  I at least have some running under my belt . . . but in no way do I think I'm in good enough shape for Insanity to NOT be hard.  I don't know how I'm going to get my running in and Insanity, but I really want to try it.  I want to see if I will lose more weight on it.  I want to be in the 140's.  =) 

Scary!!

The last few days I have really let my eating slide (again).  I don't know why the eating thing is so hard for me.  I guess I've never tried to eat healthier.  I've never even gone on a "diet."  I have always just eaten what I liked.  I never felt like I was overeating, just eating more than I should and not very healthy.  Which is why I gain weight.  The last time I lost weight, Damian was about the same age as Maddox is now, just under 2.  I lost about 40 lbs, but that is not from what I did.  I took some pills with ephedrine in them, you know, the ones that are illegal now.  I loved those pills, it made losing weight easy and effortless.  I didn't have to do anything at all.  In fact, I think I passed one of my PE classes just because of those pills. 

~I dropped out of college to have Damian and get married.  I went back a year later, but I hadn't taken any PE classes at all the entire time I was in college.  I didn't know I needed 3 classes to graduate, so that summer I had to take 3 PE classes in order to graduate college.  I ended up taking a swimming/weights class (doing weights in the pool) and then a lifeguarding class after that.  I didn't attend the first class regularly, in fact I think I had a D or a C until my final weigh-in.  After I weighed in and got my grades I had an A- . . . so I think the instructor looked at my weight and thought I had done more than I did and passed me.  All thanks to a magic pill that could have killed me.~

Anyway, eating healthy and appropriate portions has never been my strong suit.  (Which, as I've said before, is why I have lost weight so slowly.)  I eat healthier than I ever have before, it's just not healthy enough.  I have kicked around the idea of limiting my carbs, but I love carbs and I don't think that I can kick them out of my life for good.  In trying to lose any weight, I want to make changes that I can live with forever, and getting rid of all carbs is not doable for me.  I rarely eat sandwiches, and I always think twice about eating a piece of bread . . .but we have white potatoes for almost every dinner.  And I love pastries (not that I eat them every day, or even every week, but they are allowable foods for me once in awhile.)  I'm hoping that with Chris doing Insanity with me, it will make him want to eat healthier.  He does half the cooking in our house and his meals are not very healthy at all.

I went into that way more than I intended to . . . sorry.

Anyway, I have been scared worried to attempt another long run this weekend.  Last weekend really wasn't a good run, and I don't want a repeat.  I feel like I should just get over it and do the 11 miles again, but at the same time I have a picture in my head of me practically dying in the shower afterwards.  It's not fun.  And I run because I think it's fun.  I don't know where I'm going with running long distances.  I don't have a goal, other than at least one half marathon this summer.  But right now I'm just doing it to do it, and because my 9 and 10 mile runs went so well.  So does that mean that 11 miles is too far for me? 

Just a cute picture from Damian's baseball game last night.  I need to take more of D . . . right now I have an abundance of Maddox, and he is not the one playing.  But he's so cute when he tries to copy his big brother.  =)

D plays catcher for his baseball team (he has since he started baseball).  Maddox watched some of the game, but then went to play catch with his ball.  He got in his "catchers" stance every time.  It was super cute.  =)

(In case you're wondering, I call him Damian for everything except sports.  In baseball, and most other sports, he's called D by his teammates and his coach, and now all the parents. . . and me.  In my blog, I find D faster to type =) so I usually say Damian at least once, and then just type D.  Maddox's initials are MOJ - Maddox Otis John without his last name - and Chris wants his nickname to be Mojo, I have a hard time with this nickname, so until he plays sports and wants that nickname, I call him Maddox.)  =)