Stop stopping

When I went to college I gained weight pretty quickly, (I have never been really big, never bigger than 180ish), but I didn't notice it much.  I was 19-20-21, it wasn't a thought, I don't even know what I weighed.  Then I got pregnant and gained weight (obviously) from that, but after I had my son I did not lose much weight, my highest pregnancy weight was in the 180s, I probably went down to the 170s.  I had dropped out of college to have my son and get married, and when I went back I started taking a pill that was similar to phen-fen (even though apparently from my google search Phen-fen was already off the market at that time).  I lost 20lbs or so on that, I was exercising as well, and felt really good about myself.

I don't know my weight at all throughout my 20s, but I feel like I was pretty similar to what I am now (170s).  I regained some weight after the diet pills were no longer accessible, and then got pregnant with my second son.  I don't remember what I weighed in that pregnancy, but I know that it was lower than Damian's. But I ended my weight unconsciousness after having Maddox.  Only about 9 months after having him I started running again and consciously trying to lose weight, I was 177.

Like I said, up until then I did not think about my weight much, I was not super unhappy with how I looked.  No, I did not wear bikinis, but I never had, even in high school when I was small.  

My problem now is that I know and remember what it was like to be fitter, smaller, and feel good about my body.  Now I am pretty close to what I think is what most of my adult weight was and I am extremely unhappy with it.  Almost all my clothes (other than pants, because I had to increase the size) are clothes I wore when I was thinner and I remember what they looked like on me (I think I still look like that in them until I look at a mirror) and I get frustrated and mad when I see myself as I am now.

About a month ago, Chris told me he lost about 25 lbs.  He's been drinking a lot less and went for about 3 months with no alcohol.  I don't know if he changed what he was eating, but I know after he lost a bunch of weight, he started eating better, or at least less.  I actually had to look at an old picture of him and realized it was very noticeable.  (You know how hard it can be to tell as it happens because it's a slow process.)  

This is from our trip last August.

This is from a month ago.

Anyway, I thought, may be worth a try to give up alcohol for awhile.  I've been flirting with the idea anyway because I think my relationship with it could be healthier.  I'd like to try to have one or two drinks on the weekend, so I'm trying that first to see how it goes.  But I was also looking at a year ago when I was trying to lose weight for our August trip and I was somewhat successful.  I stalled and gave up, but I had lost close to 10lbs, and at that time I was intermittent fasting.  So I decided to go back to that.  This week I started both (cutting back alcohol and intermittent fasting) and I lost 2lbs.  And I was annoyed.  

The problem is the number is still high.  I remember when I lost the weight 10+ years ago, I was so happy to lose anything.  Now I want to lose 10 lbs in a week.  I want to go back to my 2015-2021 weights.  Even a "high" number like 155 would be fine with me. Ugh.  

Also, I need to let it work.  I need to stop stopping when it's too slow for my expectations.  

I forgot to post my runs, I ran 2x this week. 

3/17/2025 Monday: 2 miles, 11.20 min/mile

3/20 Thursday: 2 miles, 10.40 min/mile

Mid-March already?

 I have really slacked off with the running.  I don't really know why other than maybe because it got rainy?  Anyway, here is the last 4 weeks or so of (non)running.

2/18 Tuesday: 2 miles, 11.04 min/mile

2/26 Wednesday: 2 miles, 11.04 min/mile (hilly)

2/27 Thursday: 2 miles, 11.13 min/mile (hilly)

3/5 Wednesday: 2 miles, 11.12 min/mile

3/15 Saturday: 2 miles, 11.18 min/mile

Five runs in 4 weeks is terrible.  I have such a hard time forcing myself to go run nowadays.  It's really terrible, and when I'm sitting in my office thinking about it, I don't want to be that way.  But then when it's time to go run, I don't.  It doesn't help that my work has been really busy lately, so I don't have time at work and by the time I get home, I don't want to, or talk myself out of it. 

March 5th run

My weight hasn't budged, at all.  I am still high at 175.  Back when I was training for my first marathon (I realize that was 10 years ago now), I lost the weight while upping my mileage.  When I trained for my second marathon I ate a lot of crap but figured that the mileage increase would still help me lost weight, it didn't.  So my belief that running is not the key to losing weight began.  But now, I'm not running much and I am eating healthier, and I'm still not losing.  It's frustrating.

I know that it is related to my age.  10 years ago, was 10 years ago and I am now closer to 50 than 40.  I would like to figure this new body out, but I'm struggling.