short post

Next week Chris is going back to work.  Last week Damian went back to work.  But guess what?  The schools are still closed, along with all the major (fun) daycares/camps.  Maddox has school until 6/12, and everyone in our house will be working as of next week.  That's still 3 weeks of school.  Yes, I am working from home, but I am working from home.  And I have to go into my office occasionally.  I was averaging about once a week, but I missed one or two weeks, but I am still required to work.  And I work with a court program, so I am required to "go to" court, right now it is still video or telephone court, but I am required to be online at that time.  Yesterday it was 1:30 until 3:15, last week it was 2-3:45, it is a chunk of time that I can't leave, and I can't talk to my child.  I don't know what I'm going to do.

I am frustrated with the stay at home orders, not that they are in place, but that they completely closed some things (especially the kid things) and are now reopening adult things (work).  How are people with kids supposed to manage work and their kids, including having to home school them?  I know that many kids Maddox's age (he's almost 9 and in 3rd grade) could do the work without a lot of help, but Maddox is not one of those kids.  He has a learning disorder and requires quite a bit of assistance, not to mention he is highly active, so trying to get him to sit still and focus can be a challenge.  I have been extremely lucky with Chris being home and able to do his school, but ugh, I'm just frustrated by it.

Don't get me wrong, I am firmly in the camp of staying home, wearing masks, social distancing, etc.  I do not disagree with those orders or recommendations.  I'm just frustrated about the schools and the kids and having to reopen while the kids are still home.  I also completely understand that there are many people out there struggling because they aren't working, I am lucky we are not one of those families, but I know that others are.  And I fear that there will be a resurgence of this virus and it will be worse than the first.  That is what scares me the most.  We may not be as lucky the second time around. 

Have I mentioned I have a new coworker?  I've named him Clark . . . Bones just seemed to cliche.  😀

Base calories

I have not been losing weight.  I was gaining weight.  I seriously have been tracking everything, and most days have been under my allotted calorie limit (the limit that Myfitnesspal gives me).  This number goes up though when I run, it gives me "extra" calories to use depending on my exercise for the day.  And believe me, I was using them.  My base calories are 1360, but when I run 3 miles, myfitnesspal says I can eat an extra almost 300 calories.  And when I have a long run on Sundays, it goes up more.  Myfitnesspal gives me almost 100 calories a mile extra.  And I was eating all of them on most days and going over on the other days.  Because I wasn't over my calories (most of the time) I thought that I was eating well, but I kept gaining weight. 

February, I focus on my belly, not the fact that this is a 4
generation photo.  

In December 2019 I hit 160, and that scared me.  In April 2020 I hit 161 (in the middle of the month, so it doesn't reflect on my official weigh in, which is recorded only on the 1st of the month).  This is not good.  So I looked back on how I ate right before going to Hawaii last year.  Last January (2019) and February, I lost close to 10lbs.  When I was calculating my calories, I noticed that last year I was not eating all the "extra" calories, and I was doing high calorie days and low calorie days, so I thought I would try that again.  I don't really know why, probably because I'm home and the food is so close, but it is very hard to stick with the low calorie days this time.  So I am attempting to stay closer to 1360 or less calories a day, and it seemed to work last week.  I lost about a pound and a half.  I did have a couple high (really high) calorie days. Last Monday was terrible, for some reason I couldn't sleep and I got up and ate, a lot.  And on Thursday I went to my sister's to do a social distance visit and ate dinner there so I was over, but the rest of the week I was just under my base level of calories.  I'm going to stick with that again this week and see how I do.  I do tend to eat more on my long run days, and I'm okay with that, but I need to keep it under control. 

I'm sure I've talked about this before, but in 2015 I lost a bunch of weight over the summer while I trained for my first marathon.  I am really annoyed that I did not religiously log my food at that time.  I was concerned about my Myfitnesspal streak, but not necessarily about logging everything in.  There were many days I would get on and log my coffee and eggs and then nothing else . . . so I do not have a record of what I ate, at all.  I wish I did.  I would like to see how many calories I ate during marathon training that caused me to lose 10 lbs and get to my lowest adult weight.  (One unofficial log in was 139.) 

My other thoughts are of my sister who lost a lot of weight doing the 30/10 weight loss diet with her husband in the fall of 2018.  I don't know how much she lost, I'd say 15-20 lbs, but she has managed to keep all of it off for over a year.  I have thought about doing her diet (well, I wouldn't pay for the 30/10 plan because it's expensive) but it is pretty much a starvation diet and those suck.  Plus, the only reason she kept it up was because she paid so much money, I wouldn't because I wouldn't pay the money for it. 

 This is my sister (and Mom) in May 2016 when they went to Hawaii.  (Honestly, I think this picture is terrible of her, she didn't really look this big, but the harness they had on accentuated her stomach.)

This is her in April 2019 modeling a shirt I bought her.  She's a skinny minnie. 

I have similar pictures, however, mine go the opposite way.  In May of 2016 I was more like my sister today and today I am more like her in 2016.  I hate it.  I also hate that I compare myself to her.  Although, I compare myself to myself a lot more.  Which, ironically, they say is what you're supposed to do, but you're supposed to get better, not worse. 

Anyway, here is to week 2 of eating only my base calories or under, and seeing how I do.

#IrunwithMaud

I decided not to go to my Dad's house.  I thought about it a lot.  I talked to my sister about it several times.  And I decided not to go.  More than likely he would be safe.  But there's a chance, and I couldn't justify my desire to see him with the small chance that I, or one of my family, would give the virus to him.  My sister and I talked about meeting him halfway at a rest area, just the two of us, so we could visit with him.  We have done that before, well, at a restaurant for lunch.  So, I just called him yesterday to wish him a happy birthday.

Have you heard of Ahmaud Arbery?  He's been all over social media this week.

Ahmaud was a black male living in Georgia.  On a nice February day he went for a run through his hometown.  During his run a 64 year old white male saw him run by his house and called for his 34 year old son, that the "suspect" of several burglaries was running down the street (Ahmaud was in jogging shorts and a white tshirt, just running in the middle of the day).  The man and his son grabbed their guns and followed Ahmaud.  One story I heard said that they confronted him but Ahmaud turned around and ran a different way (I only heard that once, not sure where).  They proceeded to follow him and eventually blocked the road he was running on.  Another white male followed Ahmaud with a cellphone videoing the encounter when Ahmaud approached the man and the son.  Ahmaud tried to go around, and while he's in the front of the truck that the father was standing in a gunshot rang out and then you see Ahmaud and the son come out from the front of the truck struggling over a gun and go out of the video.  That's as far as I saw, but the reports are that Ahmaud comes back into the video and another shot rings out and he falls in the middle of the road.

That happened February 23.  The father and son?  They were questioned, the authorities were given the video, and they were allowed to go their own way.  For 75 days.  The father was a retired police office who had personal ties to the local police and the prosecutors.  These men deliberately chased down an innocent man in the middle of the day and murdered him because of the color of his skin.  It wasn't until a radio show got it's hands on the video and aired it this week that any action was done.  Once the video went viral, the Georgia Bureau of Investigation (GBI) took over and yesterday.  just yesterday.  the man and his son were arrested.  75 days later.

Picture the races being reversed.  Ahmaud was white, and the man and his son were black.  There would have been immediate action 75 days ago.

George and Travis McMichaels were arrested last night.  Today would have been Ahmaud's 26th birthday.  He was young.  He was exercising.  He was black.

The running community (I don't remember which specific community) asked us to run 2.23 miles today on his birthday for Ahmaud.  2.23 miles represents February 23rd, when he was murdered.

I posted this on social media today:

As a white woman who runs primarily outside alone I have never feared running in the neighborhoods of my hometown, nor of the town I work in. Today, as I ran I turned down a street I've never run before without even thinking of it. Suddenly on that street I realized what I had done, and felt overwhelmingly sad that others do not have that option. You should be able to run down a neighborhood street without fear.

Being a woman runner has it's own challenges, but I have never had to fear for my life because of the color of my skin. Nor should anyone else in this world.

Today #irunwithmaud with sadness in my heart. He was only 25. His murderers were not arrested nor charged with a crime. This is America. #JusticeForAhmaud

just more complaining

This week (Thursday) is my Dad's birthday and I am still contemplating going over there for a night.  I had a brilliant thought that maybe my family and I could go get tested just to make sure and then we'd know for sure and be okay.  We could even stay in my dad's house that way. There is a testing sight in my town for the general public, but I was looking at the information for it yesterday and you have to have mild symptoms, and none of us do (well, I've had a runny nose for over a month now, but it may be allergies).  I just don't know.  I don't want to endanger my dad, but I really am dying to go over there. 

I have to tell you, I hate this working from home crap.  But I also don't feel ready to go back to work.  I work with people, many of them with not great hygiene (due to many reasons, lack of facilities, lack of mental health, etc.).  What I would like is time off.  I am starting video court this week (part of my job) and I'm very nervous about how that will look for my clients.

I am a broken record.

I was struggling since the beginning of the year, heck, since last November.  All this year my weight has been creeping up and it's frustrating.  I was doing pretty good in March, I had it going down again, my first of March weight was 157.? but it went up to 160, and then I got it to go back down, and now I am at 160, still.  In fact, I even saw 161 in April.  I am tracking my food, but honestly, the tracking is just showing me that my food intake is really high.  (I didn't track yesterday because I ate sporadically, and forgot what all I ate.)  Can I get my food intake down?  I am trying.  Obviously I'm doing a very poor job. 

I started yoga again.  For the millionth time.  I have noticed that yoga makes my hip hurt more (arthritis).  Since I was diagnosed with mild arthritis in my hip, I've had no instruction on how to take care of it, I was told over the phone by a nurse and given a prescription for some pills I refuse to take.  (I also have not attempted to ask a dr about it.)  I am curious what will help it.  Does yoga typically make arthritis pain worse?  I heard that strengthening the muscles around the joints affected is supposed to help, but it hurts when I work on it.  Will it get better if I don't give up?  These are things I don't know.  When I google it, it takes me to sites better suited for 60+ years old, I am not that old, not yet. 

On Friday my sister and her husband came up to my house and visited with us.  It was a nice visit, but I do miss girl talks with her.  It's hard to do that with our families there as well.