Wednesday, April 15, 2015

More woes

I follow a lot of blogs . . . blogger says 37, but since I now read all my blogs on Bloglovin' a more accurate count is their number and that's 55 (holy cow!).  (I will say that many of them are inactive or only post once a month or less.)  The vast majority of the blogs I read are written by runners, and if they are not runners, then they have lost a large amount of weight or are working to lose a large amount of weight.  I'd say that most are both, runners that have lost a lot of weight.  I can only think of 3 that are not weight or running related (one is hilarious, one is my college roommate and writes fantastically, and the other is just because I like reading about her life). 

Anyway, since I read so many fitness blogs, especially of people that have lost a lot of weight I tend to feel self-conscious about talking about my weight issues (don't get me wrong, sometimes I over-obsess about the scale) and I worry that if I talk about something I think of weight-wise I will come across as insensitive.  I mean really, at my heaviest I was 180 (after my first son, this time around I got to 177 before losing weight, again), and many of the people I read are talking about starting weights in the high 200's or 300's.  180 is not that much when you think about it, it is some people's goal weight. 

So, like I said, sometimes I feel silly about sharing some stuff, today I feel silly, but it's still on my mind. I really hope I don't offend anyone, or make some people roll their eyes, but if you do, you can choose to not read what I write (not many do anyway).  =)

I think that everyone has days where they "feel" fat, even 105 lb women, without an ounce of fat on their bodies, feel fat sometimes.  And I also think that everyone "feels" skinny at some time, or skinnier, maybe I'm wrong, but I think that most everyone has a day where they think they look great (maybe skinny isn't the right word).  Today is a "fat" day for me.  Although just a couple days ago I "felt" skinny and I weigh the same today as I did the other day.

Anyway, when I was heavier (who am I kidding, I still do this), I would stand in front of a mirror naked, or with just bra and panties on, and suck in my stomach as much as I could and wish I could look like that.  On the flip side I would also push out my stomach as far as it could go and think that must be how fat I am, what I must look like to everyone else.  Well, the other day, on my "skinny" day, I was doing just that and realized that now when I push my stomach out, I am still not as big as I was 30 lbs ago.  And then I realized that 30lbs ago when I would suck in my stomach as much as I could, I wasn't as skinny looking as I actually am now.  Who would've thought?

Yesterday I went for my scheduled 3 mile run.  I was trying to run fast (well, fast for me) and I managed a 8.26 min/mile average, which is pretty good.  I am actually looking forward to moving back to my old neighborhood just because of my running routes there.  And, don't tell anyone, but I'm looking forward to running the hills there again.  I'm a little worried about it being a lot harder than it was 8 months ago, but I will be in so much better shape running up hills rather than all the flat running I do now. 

After my run yesterday I was stretching, my calves have been uncomfortable while running lately, so I'm trying to get back to my good habits of stretching afterwards, and my husband popped his head out the door and told me to "not sweat too much."  I was confused and asked what he meant.  He said that the guy that is tearing out the roots of the trees behind our house hit a waterline and we have no water.  He thought that maybe we wouldn't get any water back because why would they fix it to our house when they are just going to tear it down.  I told him they have to fix it, we still live here and even if they tear the house down in 2 weeks (it will be longer than 2 weeks), they still have to provide the water for us to live for those 2 weeks.

I was super annoyed by the lack of water, and quite worried about how long it would take for them to fix it.  We even had Damian's friend who was bringing him home, stop and grab us some water so that we had it to drink and make coffee in the morning. Thankfully, we were only without water about 2 hours and I was worried about nothing. 

I'm supposed to get my car back today.  It was ready a couple days ago, but we didn't have the money.  We got the money yesterday but Chris was unable to go to the bank, so I'm just waiting for him to tell me he's been to the bank so that I can go get the car.  I'm getting a little anxious, it's only 2pm, but I don't know how long it will take and I'd like to go to Damian's baseball game that is in Everett today.  I can't wait to get my car back.


  1. Don't ever feel bad about talking about your weight and any thoughts and struggles!! First of all its your blog. Second of all its who you are. Thirdly, everyone struggles and if they aren't...they are lying! My coworker that is rail thin? She struggles with body image issues...she is the opposite of me. She is losing and tries to gain and it just doesn't happen to her size zero body. Same issues just opposite ends of the spectrum. Share away!!!!!!