Wednesday, May 28, 2014

A long rant that pretty much ends with . . . I lost weight. =)


Chris took a couple pictures of me yesterday while I was on my lunch break, and I really like them, so I'm being vain and sharing.  =)

I struggle quite a lot in my head with being happy with how I look right now (and 7lbs ago) (meaning I am happy with how I look) and wondering how much more weight I can lose.  I am happy I've lost 7 lbs in 2 months, I was pretty happy at 150lbs, I'm ecstatic to be down to 143.8 (this morning).  I wonder if I can get down into the 130's, a thought that 10lbs ago I never would have had.  I also wonder, however, how much people reading this really care. 

I find it interesting that at 177 I felt fat and always wanted to cover my stomach with a blanket or a pillow and now in the mid-140's I still feel that way at times.  Especially on the weekend.  How can I feel just as fat as I felt when I was 30 lbs heavier?  It's odd.  Lately, I lay in bed in the morning before I go to the bathroom (if I can wait) and try to decide if I feel fat today or not.  Do I feel bloated and heavier than normal, or do I feel skinny?  Trying to assess what the scale will say this morning, will it be up, or will it be down?  Today I couldn't decide.  Yesterday I felt bloated, but the scale said I was not.  Today the scale again said I was not.

That being said, I lost weight this week, happily.  I have added a few sugars (chocolate) back in my diet and a few wheat items, not many of either, but enough that I don't feel like I'm going to go attack a donut shop and eat all the donuts.  =)  I have not had any candy at work, so that is a success. 

I am friends with several people on Myfitnesspal that I know personally.  (My name is cathyjanew, if you want to "friend" me.)  They post that they have completed their diary for the day and are "under their calorie goal" and then they post that they have lost Xlbs "since their last weigh in" and I get so frustrated.  It is hard for me to see other people who I feel haven't worked as long as me, post that they have lost so much weight in such a short time, 15, 20, and 32 lbs.  It's frustrating to me that it has taken me over 2 years to lose 30 lbs.

It's easy to forget that people lose weight different ways.  I was never as heavy as those three friends that have lost so much in such a short time.  It's easy for me to look at my stats and think that I suck at this because it's taken so long.  (I also get frustrated that one friend has logged in for 75 days in a row, when my feed says only 45, but I did log in one day and MFP didn't recognize it so the next day set me back to 0, I should be at around 85 or 90 days.)  (Oh the little things I obsess about.)

I was looking at one friend's food diary (hers is public) and yesterday she had a Mt. Dew for breakfast, pizza and breadsticks and 2 20 oz Root Beers for lunch, and then another Mt. Dew as a snack and she's still losing weight.  I need to stop obsessing about MFP.  I think it could become toxic.  I log my food and I should not pay attention to what others log, it only frustrates me. 

With that rant aside, I am super happy I lost some more weight.  I am actually under 145, and that is amazing to me.  My "unattainable" goal of 140 is actually only 3.8 lbs away.  =)  I also decided to take measurements today and I lost another inch in my waist and an inch in my thighs.  So, now my goal is to be around 144 next Monday, and lose some more weight on Wednesday.  It may be trickier this weekend because I'm going to eastern WA.  We will most likely have fast food for lunch on Friday, then Saturday is my cousin's son's graduation party, and Sunday is my uncle's 70th birthday party.  I always drink less water when I go over there because it's annoying to have to stop every half hour to use the bathroom. 

Well, I think I've rambled enough about a lot of nothing.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll have more to say.  =) 

I'm curious what others think.
Do you find yourself obsessing over silly little things?
Do you think that all these weight loss apps and websites can become more toxic than good?

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