Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Disappointed

Remember the half marathon that is this weekend that I have been debating about doing?  Sadly, I think I am unable to do it.  Not because of not being able to run 13.1 miles, but because I have no babysitter.  It is funny how you go back and forth and then decide not to do something, but then something happens and you actually can't do it and suddenly you really, really want to do it and are really upset that you can't.  Yeah, that's how I feel right now, very close to tears. 

This Friday is Damian's 8th grade graduation (I can't believe how big he is!!) and my parents are coming into town for it.  Well, they're planning on staying at my sister's house in Lynnwood, which is about 45 min away from my house.  They are coming up Friday morning to go to the graduation ceremony and then they are going to stay in town and celebrate Maddox's 2nd birthday (his birthday is June 18th) after Chris gets off work in the evening.  I suggested that they come up again on Saturday to watch me do my first half marathon.

After thinking about the half marathon and deciding I wasn't going to do it, I got an email last night from D's gymnastics coach saying that they were going to be in the Berry Dairy Days parade and they wanted all the gymnasts there by 9am Saturday morning.  Well, the half starts at 9:30 Saturday morning, and D would have been my babysitter.  Suddenly I really wanted to do the half, so I thought maybe my parents will come up and watch me do the half, and they can watch Maddox for me.

Well, after talking to my Mom again, she said she "wasn't interested" in coming up on Saturday for the half marathon.  Let me tell you, I was pretty hurt and upset by that.  I realize that running isn't important to a lot of people, the majority of people.  But milestones such as a half marathon are pretty big for runners, and it would be nice for someone to be interested in watching me complete that milestone.  13.1 miles is a long time.  I know that if Chris wasn't working, he would not be interested in watching me run a half marathon either.  I have read other people's accounts of races and how they have supportive friends or family, and I know that I don't have that (don't get me wrong, my family supports that I go run everyday - although that was a fight I fought with Chris for the first 6 months) but it has never bothered me until now.  Just one person that would be willing to stand at the finish line and cheer me on and maybe recognize the accomplishment that I just achieved.  That would be very nice.

I guess I should have known that my Mom wasn't very interested in watching me run when she decided to not go cheer me on at the Run for your Mum 5k at the last min.  And then wasn't very interested in the fact that I PRed that race (not that she would know that PR stands for personal record, but you know what I mean). 

I don't know if my dad would be interested in watching me or not.  He was very, very interested in coming to Bloomsday in May and he mentioned after the Boston Marathon that it would be "cool" to watch me run that race but I have no idea if it was because it was the Boston Marathon, or because it was a marathon.  I decided to write an email to my parents (both of them) and casually mention that I was thinking of doing a half marathon if they wanted to come up and watch, plus D being in the parade.  I'm not comfortable "asking" for attention, and I don't want my Mom to feel bad that she isn't interested, but I do want to give my Dad the choice to watch.  I just sent that email, so I haven't gotten any type of reply, and I don't know if I'm expecting one from my Dad or not.  I'm sure my mom will reply saying she's "not interested" again, but my Dad doesn't reply very often to emails to both of them.  Maybe I should just email him, but again, I don't want to beg for attention.  Oh well, I guess if I can't do it, then it won't be the end of the world.  And there are other half marathons (although after looking most of the morning, I can't find very many that are close and so far none that work with my schedule).
 
P.S. Thank you so much MaryFran for encouraging me to just do it.  I think you are 110% right . . . now.

4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear that you are not finding the sort of support that you need from your family. Do you have any friends who would be interested to come greet you at the finish line? Would you be able to work something out with your family where they would only have to show up at the finish line and not have to stay for the whole race? When my friend ran the Portland Marathon in the early 2000's, that's what she did/ She just told us all about when she would be finishing and then we all went to watch her. Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), she beat her expected time by quite a bit and was waiting for us all when we got there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, unfortunately there is no one for this particular race. I'm going to ask one more person, but I don't think he'll be able to. As for having support at the end of the race, I don't have many friends (I'm kinda introverted and it's hard for me to make friends) and all my family lives many miles (some 100's) away.

      Delete
  2. There will be other halves in your future. I know this for a FACT. Don't beat yourself up...logistically it wasn't meant to be. But woo doggie, that next one that comes your way, watch out because you are gonna hit it running and I pity anyone that gets in your way!!!! :-)

    I faced that disappointment when my husband refused to come watch me run my last race (he hasn't been to any of my events..not that there has been many). He doesn't get it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you MaryFran. I appreciate the support you give all the time. =)

      Delete